Where the Sins Lie
by whispered love 13
Summary: Freddie and Sam have always enjoyed their summer nights together, creating what one would call a relationship. But when Freddie returns after 4 years away in college, he realizes this summer will not be the same as the others. Seddie Rated M- Lang & sex
1. Blame it on Love

A/N: Well here's another story that I have been working on for a while, and although I am not that happy with how I begin it, I hope it gets better with everything else that I'm writing. Some background information is that Freddie and Sam and Carly are around 22 years old and such, just getting ready to finish college and this is a little recollection of how the Seddie relationship began. Also, its Rated M for the Lemon and some Language, which will be throughout the story. Well enjoy!

Disclaimer: iCarly and it's characters is by no means my property. Just the fanfiction.

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**Chapter 1: Blame it on Love**

She blamed it on the heat. Everything that was happening was all because of the fucking heat. It was because Sam had no one else to talk to, nowhere else to go other than Fredward Benson's home. That's what she would always tell herself. It was never because she wanted to see that nub. She never wanted to admit that ever since their first time they shared a kiss did she feel a sudden attraction to him. No, that would be the ultimate black mail that she never even shared this secret with Carly. For one, she never wanted to disrupt the friendship that they all shared. For two, liking Freddie Benson was as attractive as liking sour milk. So what does one do when they don't want to admit something such as feelings for a certain Benson? Make up excuses of course. Excuses and blame for her actions.

And her excuses were simple, "I needed some water, your house has cable, I like air conditioned rooms," anything to keep him from really seeing what it was that she really wanted. But recently, after what happened between them that first summer, her favorite excuse she loved using with him was "I need a good fucking."

Freddie would always choke on what he was eating, or spit out whatever he was drinking, or drop whatever he was holding whenever she used such an excuse. It never ceased to amaze how he would look at her playful smirk as she would slowly unbuttoned her cami shorts and just stand there in the archway of his kitchen, living room, or his own bedroom, waiting for him with feverish and lustful eyes. And he would oblige, walking up to her and pulling off her boyish shorts, tugging on her shirt, pulling her down onto his bed and into bliss. He would touch her in all the right places, nibbling on her collarbone, biting her erect nipples, gaining moans and whimpers and her breathy cries of his name. He couldn't help but enjoy how she would always be panting for more, and for him to be giving her just what she wants. Ever since his first year he left for college, when he knew nothing between them would ever be the same.

* * *

It was the last week that Freddie had in Seattle. The summer heat was still strong and Carly had already departed to New York University, so it was Freddie and Sam all alone, much to their happiness and joy. She let herself in his room just as he was finished packing his tech equipment, a look of indifference on her face.

"Hey you." She said as she entered his room and sat herself down on his plain bed. "You all packed?"

"Almost just need to finish packing the two cameras that are HD and-"

"Don't wanna know Freddork." She cut him off. He scoffed at her interruption and continued to delicately place his cameras away in the boxes. He heard her sigh and turned to look at her.

"What?" He asked.

"First Carly to New York University, and now your off to Boston." She placed her hands behind her head to stretch out and laid flat on her back on his bed. "Both of you heading off to college and all that good chizz" she answered with an annoyed tone.

"Well if you studied and tried like we said you should-"

"School and me never clicked. I was getting A's in detention and F's in science classes." She cut him off with her quick wit.

"True, but you know you had us to help you."

"Which you did by letting me steal your homework and passing it for mine." She recalled always before class rummaging through his backpack and erasing his name to place hers and pass it in.

"Which thanks to you I passed that class with a B plus. Did you know Boston almost didn't take me because of that grade?"

"But they took you anyways. So nothing to worry about." She mumbled to herself.

"Awww, sad to see me go?" Freddie jokingly flirted.

"Eww." She smiled at his direction. But there were those times when instead of giving him a smile, she would punch him as usual, emotionally scar him or just all around make his life a little more miserable. But by now Freddie never knew the difference between her more abusive ways from her nicer moments of affection. He was used to both of her ways, because either way she chose to go, there would always be a punch in her system that was dedicated to him. He walked over to where she was and sat beside her. He grabbed her hand and squeezed to which Sam just looked down at it. Before Freddie could even react she brought her hand up, still holding his and smacked his face with it. He winced a bit, receiving another one of her happy smiles.

"Well, I guess I should go-"

"You just got here. We can talk for a little bit more if that's why you came or we could-"

"Nah, You gotta finish packing." She answered her eyes not looking at him.

"It's not like we're not coming back Sam!" he walked up to her and placed his arm over her shoulders and pulled her tight. She let herself be touched by the nub, to be consoled and such. "And you can come visit me anytime. You can have my bed when you come visit."

"Just like now?" She asked, her right eyebrow rose provocatively. She smiled when Freddie gulped; she loved playing with him like that. It had been that way since summer began, being bold and confrontational. Freddie always tried avoiding her when she would do this, it just made him feel a certain way that he could never really understand. It was as if Carly was not what he wanted after all, but the blonde one instead. Sam would just feel giddy inside, always being one to push his buttons just like they did in high school. And it was good practice; her flirting was getting better and better. It was getting to the point in that Freddie was finding it hard to take her serious or not. Her constant teasing was doing no good to his hormones at the moment, making it difficult for him to continue saying that he had planned on losing his virginity to the girl that lived across his apartment. Hey, a guy can dream can't he? Especially with Sam staring the way she was, almost as if she wanted to bring herself closer to him. As if she wanted to press her lips against his.

"Um, Sam? What are you doing?" Freddie questioned the blondes' motives. She kept her head closer and closer until he could feel her chest against his own. He closed his eyes, expecting their two lips to join like they did so long ago. But he felt her weight leave the other side of his bed, to which his eyes opened up.

"Nothing nub, just seeing if my flirting is still good for the summer." She winked at him and began walking toward his bedroom door. He got off his bed and walked right behind her.

"Shit Sam, you don't have to-"

Before he knew it she turned around, making her pull close to his body, hip against hip, something that he always wanted to do all summer due to her tortuous teasing. Her eyes widened for only a second before she placed her arms over his broad shoulders, something he didn't think she would do. But in reality it was all she wanted to do and more. Nothing stirred in her mind, but him, his bed, and her.

"Your move Benson." She whispered in his ear, making it go red. Freddie placed his hands on the side of her hips, so she wouldn't escape him.

"You decide for me Puckett." He rebutted, leaning his forehead onto hers.

As their foreheads touched, she felt something inside her spark and come alive. Freddie too felt something inside him stir. And as she slowly brought her lips towards his, she felt as if she had died.

Sam slowly arched herself toward him and kissed his closed lips, wrapping her arms tighter around him to pull him closer. Freddie responded by bringing himself closer to her, begging her entrance to her mouth that was unexplored. She implied, letting his tongue slip in and discover what she tasted like. She too rubbed her tongue with his, gaining more courage as she pushed him back towards his bed.

Passionate kisses were clouding both Freddie and Sam's mind. Neither of them cared by then. Freddie laid down on the bed as she began straddling him, slowly uncovering herself for his pleasures. He stared incredulously as she removed her shirt and shorts and pushed on him again, causing him to groan. She smiled as she began trailing her kisses down his neck and stopped, waiting for him to take off his shirt, which he complied, throwing it on the floor. He sat up and caught her lips again, this time with more intensity that she could taste a bit of blood. She never knew Freddie would be a little bit on the rough side.

Freddie began fumbling with Sam's bra, having difficulty unclasping it to reveal the treasure behind it, leaving kiss upon kiss against her jaw line, and her shoulder bone. When he reached her breasts she let out a small pant, and when he sucked on her nipples did he get rewarded with a high moan.

"Who would've thought you knew what you were doing Fredward?" Sam coyly expressed.

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me Samantha." He answered. Sam hit him across the head, she hated when people called her that. Not even Freddie could say it. He crashed his lips on hers again as Sam pulled away from him to take off her final piece of clothing, but Freddie pulled her back to him and pushed her on the bed, so now he would be the one on top. He stared at her nipples, fascinated by them. He couldn't believe Sam was lying almost fully naked on his bed, just like he was half naked too if it wasn't for his boxers that he was still wearing. He slowly left trails of kisses down her stomach, tracing her body with his tongue, reaching the plump hills that were her breasts. With one hand he pinched them while the other he placed his mouth on, biting a bit, earning another whimper from the blonde. He felt himself growing harder for her, telling him that he wanted her already. Sam too felt her core become damp; her body was arching itself towards him as he grinded against her. He continued his constant teasing, payback for all those times that she would tease him, bringing his lips up to reclaim hers again. Sam welcomed his kiss with a strong embrace. Her lips were swollen and chapped by then, but forever wanting more.

As she was kissing him, she could feel his hand reach lower, inside her panties and beyond her womanhood. She moaned inside his mouth which made him stick his fingers all the way inside. Sam cried out and placed more pressure on his fingers, practically feeling herself climax. It was all going so fast, Sam thought. But she knew she didn't want it to stop. Freddie too felt the same, being more turned on by then, almost feeling pain more than pleasure in his lower regions. He slowly removed Sam's underwear as he too released himself from his own confines. She gasped, unsure if this was what either of them wanted. He looked up to her eyes to see her staring back, giving neither approval nor denial for what it was they were going to do. He brought her close one more time and kissed her sweetly as he entered her.

Sam gripped Freddie so hard that her nails dug hard into his skin. She felt a strong sting inside of her, realizing what Freddie just did. He took her virginity. As she took his. Freddie, oblivious to Sam's grunt of displeasure, groaned in pain but continued his pace. He went slowly at first, having her get used to him, but started going faster, quickening his pace as he moaned into Sam's neck. Sam panted harder and harder, feeling her muscles contract around his manhood.

"Freddie, Ah!" Sam panted, feeling the spasms pass through her body.

"Oh God Sam" he groaned again, feeling his own peak. He crashed his mouth on hers as he came, feeling her body tense strongly against his own.

As soon as it was over, Sam felt the urge to kiss his body over and over as she was coming down from her bliss that he just gave her. But she restricted herself. She just laid there as he spooned her, burying his face inside the crook of her neck. He just panted and began recollecting himself from what exactly it was that they had done. He had sex with Samantha Puckett. He had lost his virginity to the one that he called a she demon. And for some weird reason it did not feel bad. On the contrary it was, in a nutshell, everything that he wanted. She was all he needed, not Carly.

Not because she gave herself to him, but because she actually seemed happy to be with him. Although they always had their moments of dispute, its what made his day. How she would always torture him and make his life miserable was just her own way of showing how she cared. If not then why would she? If anything she would not try so hard to do what she does. Maybe she does actually like him, he realized. Only to realize it too late. He was leaving her in less than two weeks, off to Boston to take his first step into what it was that he wanted to be.

Sam too, felt as though they should talk about what it was they just did. One thing leading to another, but it being what she wanted. If that made any sense. Her affections for this nerd was something that she never cared to admit, then why was she here with him? Why was she lying on his bed naked, a brand of him forever imprinted in her mind, just as he carried her in his? Although it was what she wanted, she always figured they would give themselves a chance to be together when they had more time. This was going to be the summer in which Sam was going to tell him everything. But in the end, she chickened out, because in the end, it would make no difference; he would still end up leaving.

That was basically why she wanted to leave him with just flirtatious nods and teasing. She wanted to leave him to avoid the pain of seeing him leave her.

'_He's leaving.' _Sam thought to herself_. 'He will come for three months and leave for the other nine. For four years too. God what the fuck did I just do?'_ She knew she wouldn't be able to handle that. Him leaving and coming only to go away again. Four years of this shit was not what she wanted. She wanted someone here with her every day of the year, not just holidays. This is the thought that made her get up quickly off his bed and go looking for her clothes that they threw around his room.

"Sam?" Freddie asked, a quizzical look on his face. He too got up and began picking up his clothes, pulling on his boxers at least. Sure they just did it, but he had to recollect some of his decency. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing dweeb, just gotta leave before your mommy gets here."

'_I gotta leave before I realize this is what I want, as stupid as that sounds'_ she internally told herself. _'No, this isn't what I want. Freddie, college, none of this crap.'_ She counter argued herself.

"She's at the store, picking out some last minute tick shampoo. Just wait." He stopped her from what she was doing, grabbing her by the shoulder. "What is it? Really?" Sam turned away from Freddie, releasing herself from his grip as she pulled her shirt back on. "What we just did-"

"It was just to get it out of the way Fredward. Nothing more and nothing less. You didn't want to go to college a virgin did you?" she shrugged it off. Just like everything she did in her life. "Consider it a you owe me." She hoped he could see the fakeness of that statement in her eyes. _'You don't owe me shit Freddie, just stay and we'll call it even.'_ She turned and headed for the door.

"Sam no, this isn't what we should do. We shouldn't leave on bad terms like this."

"This isn't bad terms, just a spur of the moment mistake." She answered him.

As soon as she was out of his musky scented room, Freddie felt every urge to chase after her, but felt it in everyone's interest that they stay apart for a while, not knowing that the while would be a total of nine months, until he came back.

* * *

And here they were again. His hands grabbing a fist full of hair while her mouth remained on his neck, kissing, sucking, and biting. These stolen moments that they wanted to last forever but never did. For three years now she went looking for him, as he went looking for her, before he was gone out of her life for another torturous nine months. It was always bittersweet. As much as he loved going off to college, coming back with Sam was what he really wanted in the end. And now it was within his grasp. It was finally his senior year of college, and after this he could finally come back for good, which made Sam crave him more ardently, and Freddie fantasize about her all day long when he was not there with her.

As they lay together, the heat mixing with their sweat, Freddie kissed her forehead.

"What is it you nub?" Sam jerked away propping herself on her elbow.

"Nine more months and I'm done with college."

"So?" she answered nonchalantly, but deep down she knew what that meant. Nine more months and then they can really try and give this that they call a relationship a try.

"Never mind." He pulled away from her, sitting up right. She too got up and instead of changing, pressed her body behind him. He could feel her breasts rub on his back.

"I know what that means Freddork." She planted a kiss on his cheek and get off his bed, covering up that body that Freddie loved staring at after they tangled in the sheets.

"Taking me to the airport? For the last time?" he looked over at her as he dressed himself as well. Sam looked over her shoulder, as she grabbed her hair up in a ponytail, and smiled. Freddie tried his hardest not to show that that was enough to make him go another round. Damn that Princess Puckett.

"I'll be here Fredwierd." She said and walked out the door. Freddie chuckled, he expected her to have come up with better nicknames than that by now. Maybe it was just the heat that clouded her mind from coming up with better material.

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A/N: Whew! I went sideways and back, and made a few left turns and one right one and I still don't know about this first chapter but I needed a basis for the story (Like why it was they became a couple, sort of). But hey, tell me what you guys thought (good or bad it doesn't matter) and I'll update this story as fast as I can. Thanks!


	2. What I Need

A/N: whew! Another chapter done, and more to come hopefully. Thanks to iLuvNathanKreSs, Mondegreen, and Mizkntuhke for leaving me some awesome reviews and to everyone that is reading! You guys make me keep writing!

In case you guys are confused a bit, this is Sam and Freddie's POV of being away from each other during the Summer, so enjoy!

Disclaimer: Wish I owned iCarly but I don't. Just the FF.

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**Chapter 2: What I Need**

It was hard. After the first year, I didn't want any more of this shit. I was tired of waiting for him, and I wanted to put an end to whatever stupid decisions we made that past three summers. But it was always the same. Every minute I saw him come out the airport and see that look of happiness and secrecy in his eyes, I knew that I was gonna wait again for this nub. And again, and again.

It has been almost four years. Four long years as soon as this one is over. At first I would stay inside my house, listening to my mothers drunken slurs, but then next thing I knew I would find myself at the community library, just to be reminded by Freddie. Yup, as pathetic as that sounds, I felt as though he was there. I mean, I would see many Freddie nerds, doing whatever dorks and nerds do. Library Sam, duh, of course this place is filled with Freddie wannabes. But there was something wrong with the picture here. He wasn't here. That was always the same, making me feel stupid to just be here because I would be reminded of that simple fact every minute I spent here. His absence. I would look around me to see the dorks playing Wars of the World or what ever those idiots play, or see them with their noses buried deep inside a 10,000 page book. I only handle 400 pages and below. To this day I am still unable to understand why these dorks come here. But then again, here I am as well. So does that make me just a pathetic nub as the rest of these nubs? God, I hope not.

I don't do much here, something that I notice every time I step inside this book reference holding cell. What is there to do? Other than the obvious (yes people, books are interesting. Its like there's a movie playing in my mind, as crazy as that sounds), I mostly just take my pear pod and huddle myself in a little corner, browsing the Internet through the library's computers. I try reaching Carly through chats, and send Freddie emails that are too descriptive to describe of what I plan on doing to him, just to keep things interesting. The responses he comes up with are just as dorky as he is. I still don't know what it is about this guy that brings butterflies to my stomach and a lump caught in my throat.

And it was so sudden. That first kiss we shared on the fire ladder was just the beginning. Sure, it was my first kiss whatever, but I felt something. And when he pulled away I felt that little spark that some people say that they feel when they first initiate lip locking. Yeah, to me it happened after. But I wasn't gonna stop with what I was doing. This façade of making people's lives miserable was in my nature. I am naturally vicious. It is both my trademark of leaving an impact in your life as well as showing how I care. And Freddie, being the dorkwad that he is was none the wiser. I was making him think that the only reason I caused him so much more damage to him was because I loathed him, when in truth it was the exact opposite.

It was Carly that caught on quick. Damn her smart intellectual being. She confronted me before we finished our last and final iCarly, a smile plastered on her face. After what seemed like hours of her staring at me, I finally lost my cool and asked her.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing" she walked past me and turned around nonchalantly. She was acting too know-it-all-ish. She knew how much I hated that side of her. "Just wondering…when you were planning on telling Freddie?"

"Telling Freddifer what?" _'Oh crap, she knows. Shit! I tried so hard to keep it under control! What gave it away?'_

"How you really feel? Come on Sam. For one, I am a girl; I know how a girl's mind works. And for two, I am your best friend, and hiding a crush from me is like keeping a shirt on Gibby. It just can't be done!"

"Okay okay," I said, defeated. There was a reason she was my best friend, and it was because she could read every emotion that ever crossed my face. She knew when I was happy, sad, on the verge of tears, or on the verge of ripping someone's head off. "It's true but it doesn't matter. I don't want to mess anything up. Besides, you know that he still likes you that way."

"No, he doesn't."

"You sure about that?"

"He should realize that I would never like him that way. I mean I had to go to Pee Wee Babies Anonymous to just be with Griffin, and accept the fact that it was a hobby of his, no matter how weird it is. And he's leaving with me to New York. Freddie needs to realize this so he can get over it."

"Get over what?" Queue the embarrassment.

"Get over your foot fungus!" I yelled at Freddie. And that quizzical look on his face told me I pulled it off. I was safe for another day. But for how long, I didn't know.

"I don't have a foot fungus Sam." Freddie answered. I walked over to him and flicked his forehead.

"That's for not having a foot fungus." I smiled. He just shrugged it off like he always did, grabbing the camera as Carly and me began putting our hats on for our Funky Dancing While Wearing Weird Hats skit.

Hard to believe that with just that one look Carly saw right through me. When she knew that there was more to Freddie than I like to show, than I was more comfortable to let anyone know, even her, my best friend. Yes I know I repeat, but its because that's how crazy it is forming in my head. I like Freddie. I like a geek, a geek that is not even worth my time unless I am giving him a wedgie, wet willie or something of equal or more embarrassment.

Every song I have holds a reminiscent tone that reminds me of him. Maybe because it's his pear pod that I took with me when I left, I don't know. But I'm happy to have something that's his. Sometimes I go inside his room (break in, whatever) and steal some shirts. Sometimes he gives them to me (and by give I mean I take after we slept together). All I know is that I have enough to use up at least two of my drawers. His big boy smell.

Sometimes I fall asleep with those shirts, placing the collar over my nose as my fingers touch all over my body. They aren't big like his, and bruising myself would make no sense but it's enough for me to close my eyes and imagine myself in his dorm room, fucking him on his desk. I picture it vividly, how he grabs my ass, bites me in places I like. I touch myself with intensity, grabbing my breasts and kneading them, just as Freddie does. My hand traces my stomach, moving slowly down to my folds. I tease myself, pretending that it isn't me that reaching down, that it isn't me making me arch myself when I insert a finger, then two. I pretend it's his hands, softly touching and caressing with such precision, lifting me slowly up into bliss and into a heavenly passion that leaves me craving for more. I pretend its him going up inside me, making me feel whole and complete. And then I reach down and see that it wasn't him at all, just me and my lucid fantasies that keep me at bay until the next time I see him come from the airport. It would always be me crying out his name as I climax, as I think of him so far from me and yet always by my side.

He was nothing like I thought him to be in bed. I always pictured him to be a sensible lover, but instead he has an insatiable carnal lust that goes as far as I can. He would fuck me anywhere whenever we'd be alone. And I would always be his pretty little whore, sneaking inside his room, supplying all I had to give, and receiving delicious bruises and chapped lips in return. I reach my hand out, like when I reach out to touch his face, wishing he were here so I could see him again. Webcams doesn't do what needs to be done. I need him here, holding my hand, waking up beside me. My body craves him, my heart aches for him, and my mind is always on him. Just like it is now.

God, I should leave, I keep looking at the Splash ages with minimal interest; I mean not even the talking foot video is doing it for me, that's some serious chizz. I guess this is what many girls call depression. Just never thought I would be one of those poor idiots. I sign off and pull myself up from the chair when I see someone behind me. Another dork, but at the same time not really. I mean he doesn't look like a dork. This guy actually looks a litter more normal than the rest of them in here. His hair is shaggy but seemingly kept, and jet black. His eyes a hazel brown mixed with a tint of green and animated, like if he had a case of coffee. But what catches me is his smile as I motion to him to take the computer I was just using as if I myself am saying "its all yours," and begin to leave. When he flashed me that smile I couldn't help but smile back. Whoa where did that come from?

"You sure have a nice smile there beautiful," the stranger says. He's lucky his face is too pretty to hit or else I would have beaten it in by now. Hitting on me gets you nowhere, except to a hospital. "I'm Jesse, the guy that plastered those pearly whites to appear on your face." His hand pushes itself towards me, a wristwatch that is also a calculator on his wrist. Psh, this guy sure is acting like an ass. A smart ass that is.

"Don't get used to it." I reply, moving away from him. I sling my backpack over my shoulder and leave him, putting more of a strut to my walk, exaggerating the sway of my hips to keep him looking at a girl that will never be his.

"Hey wait!" he calls out behind me, and I can't help but smile. I guess he'll come saying what an ass or something to further flatter me. I turn my head and see his hand holding something. My/Freddie's Pear pod! "You forgot this cutie." He said winking in the process. I take it from him with a swipe and turn around and continue on my way. I still notice him behind me, which is starting to annoy me. Pretty face or no, I don't like stalkers. Maybe I should tell him.

"Back off weirdo." I tell him, and continue walking toward the door.

"I feel as though a thank you is in order don't you think?" This Jesse person says. If that's what will take him off my back.

"Thanks." I mumble.

"You don't mean it." He says.

"Thank you for returning my pear pod."

"You're welcome…" he motioned his hand in front of me, like if he wanted me to finish his sentence. He wants to know my name I bet. So I tell him.

"Sam? Like Samantha?" he uses my long name that I just cannot stand. As I turn again he runs in front of me, blocking my exit. I ready my fist, I don't care how much of a pretty face he has, if he thinks I'm going to stay here and have him jerk me around he really has another thing coming to him. "Hang on wait. So I take it you are not that big on the long name of Sam. I get it. My mom likes calling me by my middle name, Machiavelli, and I can't stand it. So I get your pain." My pain? He doesn't even know the half of it. He couldn't possibly understand the last three years of my life, how I would give myself to someone that would leave in the end. How I would always return to a guy that school mattered more than the girl that was unjustly in love with him. I can't blame him. I always end up blaming myself.

"Hello?" I must have dozed off; thinking about Freddie does that to me. "Sam, was it?" he calls my name again, this time a little more calmly and warm.  
"Yeah, what do you want?" I say, a little annoyed. I should have been gone from this place almost 2 minutes ago.

"You like chili?" He says. I look at him with a dumbfounded and confused look. This guy that just met me is asking me out? "Because they have this new chili flavor at Chili my Bowl, in case your interested." He was baiting me with chili? Man, he doesn't even know who I am, and yet he has found out my singular favorite thing in the absolute world. Food.

"You paying?" I ask.

"Only if you tell me your last name." Another smile, and this time I feel my palms get sweaty and my legs start to shake. Wait what?

"Puckett. Samantha Puckett." My lips betray me, releasing my last name as well as my first full name. That smile was contagious indeed, as well as hypnotic.

* * *

It was torture. Midterm and finals constantly breathing down my neck when all I wanted was to go back home. But it was my senior year, and I'm at the school that I've always wanted to go to. Sam was within my reach, and yet so far that I couldn't even touch her.

Sam. Whenever I think about her I get an urge to run to my dorm and shut everything out so I can picture her, naked and willing on my bed. I can vividly picture her long legs, her perky breasts with her light pink nipples, and how they get so hard just by touching them. I can see her heavy lidded eyes, glazed over with a passion that is only shown to me, as my hands roam around her curves, until they reach her core. I can even hear her moan my name as I playfully tease her, her smell intoxicating my nostrils, making me grow hard.

And she always manages to catch me at the worst of times. I always check my email to find her sending me some emails that I have to hide. Crazy Sam. My Princess Puckett.

Chatting and emailing was just the tiny portion of satiating my growing hunger for her. She would always leave me breathless, and stumbling for words, whenever she would say how much she wanted me to touch her, how she wanted me to do what I would do to her every summer. I would always give some lame reply, to which she would always say "you dork," "what a nub," or my personal favorite, "chizz Freddie you have no idea what to do idiot," always followed with a smiley face. She was too evil to be adorable, yet she had her moments. Moments that always remained in the corners of my mind. How I would plead for her to come and visit me for at least a week, to which she wanted to, if she had the money. But when did Sam ever have any money? Every time she had a little bit of money, it would slip from her hands only to be replaced by bacon, burgers, and every other of her favorite foods. And good luck for me going back to Seattle during my vacations. Those would be the times when I would catch up with any new classes. To graduate with honors certainly was no walk in the park. But I had my one shot at doing this and I was not giving up until I reached it.

And I could always feel Sam's anger whenever I told her that I would still be staying away from her. Not like I wanted to do it. I never wanted to leave her, but she never saw that, she just would see me not being with her. I'm sure if she were with me she would punch me hard in the gut for being such a nub and a dork. I didn't know how to calm her down during these times, so I would let her clear her mind and have her stop talking to me for around a week. Worst weeks of my life. It was the first time that we got into our first fight via chat that I realized, this blonde was killing me from the inside out, and without her, I can kiss any trace of happiness goodbye.

I never really gave it much thought as to why she always hurt me. I never really paid any attention to her because my head was in the cloud in love with Carly. But now, it was filled with blonde wavy curls. Her curls, her lips as she licked and sucked me dry, eyes that claimed mine almost as fast as her ever-hungry kisses. Ever since I kissed her did I realize that that I wanted to make her more than what she already was to me. I wanted all of her, just like she wanted me.

I wanted this crazy blonde, her wild ways, her sapphire orbs that went from mean to fierce to sexy all in one swift movement. I want all of Sam, every second of every day. Just three more months, and she would be all mine. It was what we agreed to. Sam was never happy to see me go, so having to say that she was mine when she really wasn't made me come up with our deal. We would not be official until I returned from college and stayed. Permanently. That way I would not hold her back, if she ever wanted someone else. But every night I prayed she didn't, so I could keep her in my dreams where she would always be.

And pretty soon she will be in my bed, where I will keep her until the next morning and every day after. All that we needed was just a little more time.

* * *

A/N: So what did you guys think? Loved it? Hated it? Want to know who this Jesse guy is? Let it all out in a nice review for me! Its what gives me the energy to move on! :)

Until next time.


	3. Leaving on a Jet Plane

**Chapter 3: Leaving on a Jet Plane...**

When Freddie stepped foot out of the airplane, he felt so jetlagged. Every bone in his body was on the point of becoming thinner, almost brittle as thin glass, as if he was being descended down toward Earth from a long absence. He was finally done with school. It was so surreal. He graduated with honors like he wanted, and was even offered for a master's degree if he was interested. And as tempting as it was, he respectfully declined. He promised Sam four years, and that's all he was planning on doing. His degree in computer engineering stashed neatly away in his bag. Finally, one thing in his life was complete, and he was eager to begin what he already started with his blonde bacon loving princess.

As soon as he inhaled the crisp summer air of Seattle Freddie was looking forward to seeing one of his best friends, and one who he was crazy for. If pining for her while he was in another state was bad, it was torture when she was just within his reach. All he had to do was continue walking in the direction he was going, reach those steel doors and pull it off its hinges. He didn't know what happened between the two of them these past couple of months but what he did know was that there was something there still. At least he thought so. It felt like ages since he talked to Sam, or even heard from her. He figured she got herself in trouble and was unable to go to a computer to talk to him. The last time they talked was when she called him during spring break. Let's just say that it wasn't the best of conversations. But it was all over. Their wait was finally done with. As he approached the opening of the gate, he walked quickly up to Carly and gave her the strongest one arm hug he could muster and to his mother another one. He had a feeling that his mother was going to be waiting with Carly and Sam, and was happy to see her being more laid back by going to go recollect the car to let him reconnect with Carly.

"Finally!" Carly happily exclaimed. She went to give him another hug, a complete one, to which he returned with gusto.

"I know! I can't believe it!" He reached inside his bag and pulled out his graduation cap in one hand and his diploma in another. "Computer Engineering, hardest major in the world!" he was beaming, it was as if he had died for four years and finally came back to life. He saw Carly too reach inside her purse and pull out her diploma as well, English and Education. A double major. "Where's Griffin?" he asked Carly, who shook her head. That could have only meant one thing. He was still in New York.

"He loved it there. So we got an apartment, and I'm moving over there by the end of the summer. Just have to let Spencer know. Plus, I was asked to go and teach at a small school. And his job at the Pee Wee Babies exhibit is getting ready to display this Christmas."

"Wow right out of college and New York is already begging for you to come back." Freddie smiled. New York was treating Carly well. Her hair was so stylish that only compared to how she was dressed. But anything looked good on her. But if he was bold enough to say, Sam would always pull of a style that was all her own, and make it look better than current trend that so many tried replicating. Speaking of Sam…

"Where's Sam?" He never got tired of asking that question. He was dying to see her and give her an equal embrace as he did to Carly. And something more. He wanted to grab her right in front of all these people and show her how much he missed her. Carly looked around and saw that Sam indeed was missing, but since when?

"She's around here somewhere, probably gone to go search for some ribs." Carly said. And as soon as she said that Freddie saw her. He could see her wavy curls from a mile away. They seemed to shine brighter than any of the other blondes he saw in the airport. Her face had a smile plastered from ear to ear as if she heard the funniest joke of the year, which was interesting to say the least. Her jeans hugging her hips very nicely as her shirt hung loosely, only three buttoned down with a purple tank top inside. Freddie couldn't help but gulp and lick his lips. Since when did she wear clothes that hugged her body? It was as if she was showing herself off. From the way she was dressed he noticed that she was more slender, and more muscular, he could tell, which meant more bruises, but he didn't mind. Her eyes were bright and highly animated, like they were strung on coffee or something. And her smile. He started thinking of a time when she was that happy, to which he couldn't come up with a single event that gave her that much happiness. But then he thought about it. It was probably because he was back home. They could finally get everything in order. They would begin their relationship that should have started over four years ago. He left all of his bags with Carly and started walking toward her, ready to bring her close to his chest and breathe in her scent that he had gone so long without.

Before he began approaching her with so many thoughts inside his mind, he stopped abruptly. It was then that he noticed why she was smiling so wide. Why she looked so feverishly sexy and stunning at the same time. She was holding someone's hand, a hand that wasn't his. Someone that he didn't even recognize. Until now. His hair was rudely messy and seriously black. A wannabe rocker by the looks of it. His clothes were loosely fitted and tattered. And he too had a smile and eyes that matched hers. As if they shared a secret. So many theories plagued his mind about who this guy beside her was. He could be a relative of hers. That's what Freddie was telling himself. A relative out of jail, or even on parole. She couldn't be here with someone else. Not on the day he returned back into her life. With someone that he never saw before. He walked back to have Carly back to his side and asked who the guy with Sam was.

"That's her boyfriend Jesse." She answered simply. But to him, he felt as though he didn't even hear that guy's name, because it felt as though he died all over again. She had a boyfriend? Is that why she hardly sent him messages those past few months?

"How?" He whispered ardently in her ear. Carly jumped at his urgency, but tried playing it cool. They were almost in front of her and Freddie.

"She met him at a library, like five months ago. And they clicked fast because they related to each other-" She whispered back to him. By then all whispers had to cease as Sam was fast approaching.

"Fredward!" Sam squealed and gave him a light hug. She pushed into him and before he could wrap his arms around her she pulled away and went back to Jesse's side, her head resting on his shoulder. He was as tall as Freddie was, because Sam would do that to him as well, out of habit. "Oh! Jesse this is Freddie. Meatbag, Jesse." She introduced the two young men and Freddie, whatever spell of paralysis he was under, quickly snapped out of it and stretched out his hand to cordially shake Sam's significant other's.

"So this is Freddie. Samantha told me too much about you." Jesse grabbed it with strength to make his presence known and let his hand go. Freddie looked at his eyes and noticed a tint of green, surrounded by hazel, just as happy and animated as Sam's was at the moment. Freddie turned away from him, looking in Sam's direction that was flapping her hands up and down, as if she was a child asking for attention. She wasn't hurting the guy, even though she was called by a name which she loathes.

"I found a restaurant that serves ribs! Lets go eat!" Sam happily exclaimed, leading the way with Jesse, as he grabbed her by the waist. Freddie was utterly dumfounded at what just happened. No seriously what just happened? Who was this asshole that had his arms around her waist? Why was she here with him? How did everything go from blissful interactions to gloomy misunderstandings from his end? Carly too began heading out to the direction that Sam was going, only to be pulled back by Freddie and his crazed look in his eyes.

"That's not what was supposed to happen!" He angrily said.

"What?" Said Carly.

"She's not supposed to have a boyfriend!"

"What does it matter to you whether or not she's dating someone? Freddie?" Carly looked at him, noticing that they have yet again kept secrets from her. Suddenly everything made sense. All those times during the summer when they said they were going to fine without her whenever she would be away on vacation. How they would fight but share smiles when they thought she wasn't looking. She knew that Sam held certain feelings for Freddie, but she never thought he was reciprocating the feelings as well. "You…and Sam?" she let the secret out in the open, as if she was awaiting approval from him. The look of sullenness expressed in Freddie's face told her everything. That they tried a relationship, and more, but how far it went was Freddie's explanation. "For how long has this been going on?" It took him a while to bring himself to say what Carly needed to know. But how could he tell her how what they had was something that was indescribable? Because what they themselves had was too unique and too inventive for words?

"Since I first left to Boston. And every summer in between. The first time she came over and we…" He wanted to stop; he didn't want to remember how Sam came to him. _"It was just to get it out of the way Fredward. Nothing more and nothing less. You didn't want to go to college a virgin did you?"_ Her voice reminding him that all they were were secrets behind closed doors. _"Nothing more and nothing less."_ To him, they were more than just nothing. He just never thought she didn't see it like he did. He always thought that her antics, her looking for him, her being playfully causing him pain...

"This wasn't how it was supposed to happen." He repeated himself. Instead of following Sam and the direction that she went, he turned around, walking toward the car that his mother brought with her. Carly didn't know what to tell him, for nothing was coming to her mind to convince him to still stay and be reunited with his two best friends, to have a normal conversation like they used to before. But she too had to come to terms that this was something new. She had a friend that was in love while the other was coping with the fact that nothing was going to be what he hoped it would be.

"Hey, where's Freddie going? The restaurant is that way." Sam interceded with Carly's thoughts, standing beside her as they both saw their former technical producer walk towards the airport's exit.

"He's leaving, he said he's not hungry." Carly quickly lied for him. She didn't want Sam to know what was plaguing Freddie's mind right now. Confrontations at the moment would be the end of everything, she could feel it. It would be the end of it all; how would that be for a welcoming present to kick off the summer?

"I'll convince him." She smiled and went after Freddie. Carly called her to come back but with little luck, for Sam already reached him and spun him around to have him face her. At first he thought it was Carly, trying to convince him to stay for her, but when he saw Sam's blue eyes he wanted to pull away from her as fast as possible. "What's this I hear that you don't wanna eat Freduccini?" She smiled at him, but had it faded away quickly as she saw the look in Freddie's eyes. A look of hate and pain and anguish all exposed in his dark brown irises, a look that she had never seen come from Freddie. "Whoa, what's wrong?" she placed her small hands on his shoulders, to which Freddie shoved them off, leaving Sam a little more dumbfounded than she already was. "What's wrong Freddie?" She asked, this time with a little more urgency.

"Nothing Sam, just leave me alone." He picked up his bags beside him, to which Sam pulled back, jerking him backwards so hard that he almost fell. Glad to see that her strength was still with her.

"This is all I get? The least you can do is come eat with me and Carly." She said, assuming that the less she mentioned Jesse's name, the better this whole transition would be.

"And Jesse, or did you forget your boyfriend?" He lashed out at her. Sam sighed; she knew something along the lines of this was bound to happen. She just didn't know any other way than to let everything out in the open immediately. Even if it meant hurting him, in more ways than one.

"I wanted you to meet him. He sort of reminds me of you. I mean he doesn't look like you but he pretty much acts like you; a hundred percent of a dork." She tells him, a smile forming on her lips again. Freddie caught a sight of her happiness and turned away again, a little repulsed by her cheerful face. It didn't really suit her; she had a different smile, that was all for him. Not this cheesy one, that she was showing the world. He took his bag from her hands, not looking directly at her eyes. Sam let him take it from her hands with ease.

"Yeah, well no thanks. I'll just leave you alone with him and Carly, I'm sure you all have a lot of catching up to do-"

"And we do too Freddie." She interrupted him. "Just because some things have changed, doesn't mean that we can't still be friends and be just like we were before." _'We can pretend like nothing ever happened.'_ Sam told herself in her mind, but even that sounded false to her. Because in the end, everything happened. They happened, and for him to just pretend like nothing happened, she knew that he wasn't going to simply take it that way.

"We have nothing to catch up on. But fine if you feel as though you have missed something, I'll bring you up to speed. You have a boyfriend and I'm back from Boston, expecting to see you. Now that I did, I'm going home. I have to unpack-"

"You know you can do that all later. Just stay Fredbag." She patted his shoulder. He couldn't bring himself to look at her. He couldn't believe her right now. There was no way she could ever think that this whole thing would be okay with him. So much time they spent apart and coming back to her was all he thought about in his spare time in school. He never would have dreamed of gaining one dream only to have the other sacrificed in the process. But he had to admit, he was happy to see that her apathetic mood towards him was still in her character. So, not everything about her has changed in so little time.

"Nicknames won't change my decision to leave Sam. No matter how many you use. Go and catch up with Carly. I'll see you when I see you." He said, walking into the scorching sun.

Sam looked at the direction he was going, a bit at a loss for words, which was strange for her. She knew it was going to be hard for Freddie to find out this way. But surely he would not hold her against being happy. Which she was. For the moment. She turned around and looked at Carly, her arms folded against her chest. Sam couldn't help but feel guilty. But for what, she couldn't put her finger on it.

"It couldn't wait, Sam? _You_ couldn't wait?"

"Wait for what, Carly?" Sam said, raising her hands just like a victim.

"You know what. Must I explain it?" Carly couldn't handle Sam when she would act indifferent like this. She could always keep count of her good deeds, and lost track of all her bad ones.

"Please tell me what I have done wrong? Because apparently I can't understand chizz." She told her brunette best friend.

"Where should I start? The fact that Freddie just returned from Boston, saw you with another guy-"

"There's nothing wrong with me having a boyfriend, I mean, we weren't even dating." Sam tried defending herself, having him look like he was in the wrong instead of her. _'I couldn't help that I met him and actually hit it off with him. Its like that one guy I dated when we were in high school.'_

"You can stop your lying Sam. Freddie told me." Carly cut her off. "How dumb do you think I can honestly be? You can lie to the whole world, but not to the girl that isn't afraid of you. Because she knows you inside out, just like Freddie does. Which is more than we can say for you." Sam kept her composure at the mention of Freddie's name, opening her mouth to defend herself, but ultimately closing it. She didn't know where to begin. She wanted to tell Carly after all of these years that she and Freddie made their friendship something more. But the problem was when to tell her. She was never one to find the appropriate time, for anything really. Before she could confess, as if on cue, Jesse intervened the two young women's conversation, breaking the silence and the staring contest that they were competing.

"Hey, I have been waiting for ever guys. Where did Fred go?" He asked.

"His name is Freddie." Carly corrected him, seeing as how Sam didn't even bother. "And he left. Just like I am," she looked in Sam's direction again, trying to see if she would lose her bawdyness that was oozing from her pores. When she didn't she sighed, "we'll reschedule this lunch for another time. I'll see you later Sam." And with that farewell, Carly too drifted out of Sam's company. And even though Jesse was there pulling her toward the restaurant so they could eat, she felt as though she was just as isolated as when Carly and Freddie were both gone in college their first year, and she was trying her hardest to cope with that desperate sense of isolation.

What's worse than that udder sense of seclusion? A loss of appetite that she was also feeling.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for Reading. Review?


	4. Confided Confessions

**Chapter 4: Confided Confessions**

I don't understand it. I didn't do anything wrong. At least the way I see it. Actually if anybody saw it the way I did, they would probably agree with me. It wasn't my fault that _he_ left, went away every year and only be with me for a summer fling. Here one summer, gone for the rest of the seasons, and coming back again only to leave again. Plus I'm sure he was getting laid left and right every second of his stay in Boston. I may not have gone to college, but I know how a slut's mind works. Not because I am one, because of all those movies. Damn college movies.

And it isn't my fault that Jesse came into my life. He was there, saw me, smiled at me, and wouldn't leave me alone. I got to admit; at first it was very annoying. Like he was always there, like if he was stalking me. He waited for me to be at the library and then would go everywhere I went. I would do anything to try to scare him away, I would give him wedgies, yell at him like I was possessed, even hurt him and his pretty little know-it-all face of his. But after a while (two black eyes and a bruised shin), he still stuck around, and so I gave up and allowed him to follow me, as scary as that was. Finally came the time (around two weeks I think?) it wasn't weird, and I even started talking to him. I figured since I couldn't scare him away with my fists, he might be someone worth talking to. From talking, came conversations that would last until three in the morning. Those conversations became meeting each other to just see each other. From seeing each other, came something more. He uncovered me and raised me toward the moonlight, seeing me sparkle like a valuable jewel. And I saw him as a rough pewter stone, meaningless to everyone except for me. And just like that, I couldn't see straight. I couldn't think reasonably (not that I ever did). And every time I inhaled, my breath would get caught in my throat, just by the mere sight of him. Before him, I would think there is no such thing as love at first sight, that girls that fell head over heels for a guy was pathetic. I just never thought I would I would be in the same boat as them. No it wasn't love that I was feeling, or else I would have already told him that I wanted a Vegas wedding by now. It wasn't love, that much was sure, but there was something about him that was so addicting. And I hated that I did not know what it was so I could uncover it and go on with my journey. I was like a girl stuck in quicksand, being slowly sucked into him and who he was.

That's what I was trying so hard to get Carly to see that at least. I wanted to show her that there was someone in my life that understood me. That he was standing in the same crossroad that i did once in my life, and how he took the same road I did. Yeah, I guess bringing Jesse with me to the airport was a bad move, especially since _he_ just got back from Boston, expecting me to still be waiting. But like I said, it wasn't my fault. I wanted him to know who he was, because I felt as though there could be a friendship, on the basis that they were so alike. But it was a very wrong move.

I was glad that Carly agreed to meet me after a few weeks of giving me the silent treatment. Jesse just didn't understand why I wasn't talking to her. I didn't want him to know that he was the knife that cut right through our friendship. Because it wasn't his entire fault I was just as guilty, because that's what she was making me feel, not because I felt it.

We decided on meeting at the Groovie Smoothie, and I even went out of my way to offer to pay. That was the only way to show her that I really wanted to talk to her about everything that was going on between us all. I already had her favorite smoothie and mine when she came in and saw me. She made her way through the crowd and sat down, all in one swift movement. She took the smoothie but didn't put her lips to it; she just twirled the straw with her fingers, playing with it. I guess that was my cue for me to start with my explanation.

"Thanks for coming," I began, suddenly sounding like I was in a business meeting. Gag.

"Let's start with how you guys met I guess." She suggested.

So I began, telling her how I came to first lay eyes on him, how I caused him serious physical harm than any other guy, how he took it, and how everything just felt right. "I'm happy Carls" was what I ended with. Happiness could always be what tugged at her heart, no matter how bad of a person I have been. She may know me inside out, but she forgets that I know her just as well.

"…What I can't understand Sam is how did you and Freddie-"

"What me and Freddie had was nothing to what me and Jesse have." I quickly spoke. Right now I was talking to her about this mess. About us and our friendship. _He _had nothing to do with it. The less we mentioned _him_ the more I could put at ease this little ache that was forming in my gut, slowly creeping it's way up my heart and ready to burst out of my chest.

"Then why all these summers? And why keep it a secret? You told me that you liked him."

"Liked. Not loved." I said, not looking at her eyes, even though I knew that she was looking at me to discover some truth.

"…You love Jesse?" she asked.

I let that question hang in the air, seeing which way it would fly to. "…No" I admitted. "I just met the guy. But he gets me. He understands me and relates to me in ways that I only wish you could begin to understand. And I think that's why I grew to like him as much as I did." I confessed. "What I take out in anger he takes in laughing at the world. His dad left when he was young and his mom is never really there, kind of like mine. He goes to a community college here in Seattle. He just wanted to work with making videos like a producer. And he loves food almost as much as I do." So many thoughts about Jesse and his qualities were clouding my mind that I felt as though I was speaking gibberish instead of making sense. But I'm sure Carly was understanding, which was more than I could say for other people. After finally taking a sip of her smoothie did she talk to me again.

"So you really like the guy."

The small smile that I felt forming on my face made it evident that I indeed did.

"What are you going to do about Freddie? Not a good impression you gave him back that the airport you know." Again with _him? _And again with the gut feeling?

"I'm going to give him some more time. I'll admit it wasn't the best time, but I wanted him to know that this is where we stand now. And what we had before was just something to hold us by until something better came along." I lied through gritted teeth. As I spoke that sentence I felt that little thorn twisting inside my gut again. But I had to show my indifference, or else face another scolding. Carly caught on quick though like she always did.

"So basically you're saying that you don't like Freddie anymore."

Before I could even respond I saw my phone blink. Jesse was calling. He saved me from lying again. I picked it up and asked what he wanted.

"_Just wanted to know where you were."_ He said.

"I'll call you back when I am not busy Jesse." I said flipping the phone off. We still had something to talk about. Where I stand when it came to…Freddie.

I didn't want to say that I did not like him any more, because I knew that no matter how good of a liar I was, I could not lie well enough to Carly to convince her that I felt nothing for him any more. But I didn't know how to explain what he meant to me at the moment, and even before. In comparison to Jesse, Freddie was someone dear to me, but who I would rather value more as a friend. At least that's what I like to myself after I met Jesse. I can't hold two men in my heart, that would make me no better than whores with indecisions in their minds. I hate myself enough for being a fool, the last thing I wanted was to be and indecisive one.

"Fuck Carls…I don't know." I answered as honestly as I could. It was true. I thought I really wanted Freddie, and Jesse came and everything went to hell for me. Now I was just confused with more than what I was given, and what I should do with it. "I really don't know."

"Well, I agree with you when you said that you should give each other space. Who knows? They might get along." Carly gave me a reassuring nod.

"Thanks." That was it. I had my best friend again. Just like that. I had her again. I guess she saw what I was feeling. Happy but deep down really crappy without her. And someone else that still was not in a forgiving mood. But for the moment she was enough for me. Giving him a little more time will probably bring him back. That's all I can really hope for at the moment. Time. Time and more Smoothies.

* * *

I don't even know where to begin.

It's been weeks since what happened at the airport. And even longer since I spoke to her. Ever since I saw Sam at the airport, I found it hard getting out of bed. I hardly ate, and only got up when my mom needed to spray me or when I needed to go to the bathroom. I thought everything was going right and just like a minute later I found out everything was for shit.

I just didn't get it. It's like this guy came out of nowhere. Looks nothing like me, but sure acts like me. How did that make any sense? How can I make sense of anything that is going on in my life right now?

And Carly wasn't making it any better. I wanted to stay and mope in my bed but she never lets me. It was every day that she would come in and my mom would bring her inside. The woman who hated her for making me like girls was now ushering her in my room so we could talk. It was pretty pointless, considering I really didn't want to talk to anyone about it. Not her, and not even Spencer. I just can't see how anyone at the moment right at this point in my life can understand this pain that was tearing me inside out. If I could have this type of pain or being run over by a car, I would take the car ten times over. Again, and Again.

As I wallowed in my severe depression, Carly sneaked inside my room. She knew that I would be here, in bed, my pajamas still the same from three weeks ago. She knew that it had to do with Sam, that this was her doing. I know that I let everything out in the open the minute I asked her about Sam's new beau. God, its hard trying not to throw up whenever I think of her with another guy that isn't me. Everything about that day made me feel like I was unwell. Like I was forever inadequate in everything I did. And Carly saw the exact moment, that if she carried a camera with her, she would have been able to see my facial expressions change with such a quickness that she would have to slow it down to see the moment when I felt my world come apart. Because the look on my face when I saw her and Jesse together made it all too obvious to anyone but Sam. She was too much in love to have someone go and ruin it. Even if I was the one that wanted to do just that.

"Hey." She casually walked in. I didn't even turn to face her. I knew she was coming over to come check up on me.

"Hey…" I answered, assuring her I was not dead, even though I felt like dying. God, when did I turn into such an emo kid?

"Just came from the Groovie Smoothie… with Sam." She told me. I could feel my heart thud hard when Sam's name was mentioned. There, I just felt it again. "You want to know what she said?"

"I think I can take a wild guess. Girl meets boy because the other boy just took off to study and girl falls in love with the boy while the other boy that's off studying never knows about it until he sees her with HIS arms around her waist." I spat out, with every inch of malice I could produce. All because I left she met him. All because of me and what I wanted. She couldn't possibly think that I was doing anything but working hard to have her back in my arms again. Knowing her, she was the victim in this whole fiasco.

"They met in a library and he just kept looking for her." Carly admitted. She began recollecting everything that she could remember that Sam told her. I listened to half and the rest I really could not give a shit for. "She said that she clicked and connected with him on a basis that neither of us could relate with her. Which makes sense because they both come from broken homes. We don't really understand that because in the end, motherless or fatherless there was that other person that cared for us. And that's what Sam feels with him."

"She should have felt that with us."

"She does, but at the same time she can't." Carly concludes.

"I guess you should tell me to be happy for them." I sarcastically replied, lifting myself up from the bed sheets. Me being happy for her when she's with someone else. I would laugh my head off if I were a crazy person right now at that thought.

"No." She said. I turned to her, and saw as she walked over to me, sitting down beside me and placed her hands over me shoulders. "You should tell yourself that. Our best friend is happy, why ruin it?" I look at her, who looked at me with sympathetic eyes. Why ruin it? Why not? She ruined me. She is ruining me with everything that she is doing right now. But I can see her sympathetic eyes that she must have thrown at Carly. She must have told her to try and bring me back, to how things were before. But how can we ever go back to the way that we were before, when I know her smell? When I know her taste? When I drive myself crazy with just remembering how she looked after they woke up together? So serene but incandescently happy?

"How have they been together for so long without Sam telling me anything!" I had to know; if any question was to be answered it was that one more than anything. I didn't care what he was like, that he wanted to become a producer, that he loved ribs as much as she did. She can keep all that shit to herself. I wanted to know what it meant for us.

"…She said it was because she didn't want you to get any pressure, of any kind. She wanted you to be comfortable in your final year. Jesse told her that Boston is really demanding and that your major was really challenging. So she decided to give you time for yourself." She said. My face remained unchanged, because I realized it wasn't her decision that she stopped talking to me. It was that guy. That prick was convincing Sam that I could not be disturbed. He was pulling her toward him and away from me.

"That's great news I guess. So what was her excuse to bringing him to the airport?" Was it to flaunt the fact that she if she wanted others in her life she could get them? To spark my jealousy? What? What? WHAT? I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that question. What was the point for her to bring him when she was coming to see me?

"She wanted to clarify where you two stand." I looked at her with a puzzled look. Where we stand? What does that mean? Last time we stood was within each other's company, when I was pressing my lips against hers. Did she mean to say where we could stand? As in if I would consider her as a friend again? Carly saw that I was confused and just sighed.

"Freddie, I think you two should talk about it." Carly suggested. I shook my head. Not now. I don't think we can ever talk about this. For one, I would want to rip off that guy's head off like Duke did in Galaxy Wars. And with her, I would just want to hold her to me, no matter what she did. If she kicked me, punched me, it would all be worth it. I would have her in my arms, like I did so long ago. No. This is where we stand now. Forever apart from each other. I just couldn't see her. She wanted to set the bar, I was too much of a coward to even try to jump it.

"Like you said. Why ruin it?" he asked her. Carly just shook her head. She looked at me, seeing that one of her best friends was internally fighting a feeling that she could never really understand: Loving someone that was never theirs to begin with. She was always chased. By Griffin, me, and several others. If she ever loved someone like I loved Sam, then maybe she could understand this whole thing that she thinks I'll be over in time.

I want time to come and go already.

* * *

A/N: Okay, well thanks to some reviews that I got for the last chapter, I wanted to give another POV. I wanted to have Sam give her outlook on this whole situation. And it is hard, I am trying really hard to not have her as a villainous person. I like to think of her more along the lines of a really confused girl. Who is just as stubborn as she is lethal. So hopefully this cleared up any feelings of any sort toward Sam and gave a better insight as to how she feels and who she is. Until next time. :)


	5. Touch Me

**Chapter 5: Touch Me**

Time was passing by slower than usual this summer for Sam and Carly. By the time they expected two months to have passed, two more weeks had only passed, making it a complete month that they have had of the glorious sun. And coming up with things to do was hard, seeing as though they would always have the third wheel that was Jesse, who was practically attached to Sam at the hip. Carly was not fond of them always being together and sucking face, but with Spencer coming along, she learned to deal with it. And their activities were endless. Both spent their time in skimpy bikinis and went to the pool, being the envy to every girl there and a tease to all those men who drooled over them. Or they would head off for a ride in Spencer's car downtown, buying bracelets in antique shops and fried chicken to keep their stomachs full as they strolled down the streets. They were doing anything to avoid the delirious heat that was surrounding them like in every other summer. Ice creams were just the beginning dents in their mornings; cherry flavored ice cream staining their tongues. But there would always be the time, however that Jesse would come and looking for Sam and take her away from Carly, who resorted to going to her one friend that was locking himself up in his room.

It wasn't as bad anymore, thought Carly, for when she would come to visit him, he would be in his living room, eating bland cereal while his eyes stayed glued to the television. Baby steps, she told herself. He was coping, slowly, but he was coping. She would notice him looking outside from his window, noticing that his urges to step out in the sun were slowly inching up, centimeter by centimeter, until he would no longer take it and yell out freedom at the top of his lungs. But for now, all that they had was just staying indoors, sharing the cool air-conditioned room and a nature show.

It was getting close to the time when all of their free times with Carly were coming to an end, for she was needed back in New York, where her life was blossoming. Griffin had finally found an apartment and wanted her to go and check it out with him, to see if that was what they both wanted. She hated to leave Freddie alone, especially when he was just slowly adjusting to all that surrounded him. He wasn't as melancholy as when Sam would call Carly, asking her what she was doing at the moment. All this progress would be going down the drain. But Freddie constantly reassured her that he was getting better, but honestly he thought, he couldn't be worse.

"Then why don't we invite Sam over so all three of us can hang out?" she would suggest. Freddie would stay quiet after she asked this, slowly realizing that even though he was putting up a strong front to show that he was all better, he was possibly more damaged than before. Then an idea hit her.

"Why don't you come with me to check out the apartment? That way you can get away from all this and go see somewhere new." She smiled, temptation sprouting from every fiber of her being. She convinced herself this was what he needed. A get away for him was what he needed. And she would also be making sure that he was not going to return to his old ways, before he saw Sam, smiling and content.

"Wish I could but mom left to a convention for germs, gave me just 100 bucks to eat what I please within a 10 mile radius. She pulling back but keeping her hands on the reins." He laughed. Sometimes he would stop mid laugh, finding out it was so nice to do so. Recovering from his wounds that were slowly mending.

"Then I'll pay for your ticket, and you can pay me back when you can." She offered so delicately. "Come on, its something different."

"Is she going?" He asked. Carly shook her head. He still hadn't been able to say here name. If there was anyone worth winning a drama award, it was Freddie. But then again, Carly could not even begin to comprehend the relationship that was Sam and Freddie.

"No money, like always, I offered to pay for hers as well but she respectfully declined. Which is a first for her."

"Why doesn't she go? I'm sure you guys would have better fun than you being with me."

"She said she had some things to get done this week, and this is the week I was leaving. Although she is sad to see me go she said she would rather stay. She would rather give you that opportunity to come and get out of the house."

"I don't need her charity." He replied with an annoyed tone.

"Oh will you grow up Freddie? She really wants to see you and be friends with you again, but you don't want to, all because of you and your bruised pride. She's happy, we can't do anything to make her any less happy than she is, and you know it."

"Fine, I won't do anything about it. If she wants to come see me, then I won't slam the door in her face okay?"

"I guess that's all I could ask for in a time like this." Carly said, defeated by Freddie's response.

So when the time came that Carly left, Freddie regretted not going with her, and now he was all alone.

Or so he thought.

With Jesse away visiting his grandfather for two weeks, Sam found herself sulking around her house, angry that it was getting hotter and hotter, and she had nowhere to go. And then an ideal setting struck her mind.

Nowhere but the Shays house.

She decided it was worth the risk and walked on over, hitched a ride on the elevator and walked on in. She never thought she would find what she found there.

"Freddie." She said. At first she looked outside the door, seeing that the apartment she went in was actually Spencer's and Carly's, not his. When she had this figured out, her mind went straight to asking questions. Questions like "why haven't you talked to me? Are you still butt hurt because of Jesse? How have you been?" but instead of asking these words came "What are you doing here?"

Freddie got up and prepared to leave, avoiding her gaze at all costs. He didn't need reminding that those blue eyes he loved so much were in love with someone else. He grabbed the leftover pie that Carly stashed inside her fridge and was heading out the door. Sam, too astounded to even stop him, let him pass right by her, brushing her skin in the process. She couldn't help but shiver, she hadn't seen him in forever, and touching his warm skin was such a good feeling, even during this heat wave. As soon as she heard the door slam and the other opened, she dashed out into the hallway, to see him slam his apartment door closed. She didn't hesitate to knock three times.

Freddie couldn't believe that he just saw Sam, and now she was right outside his door, knocking. Maybe if he left it alone, she would give up and leave. But if he knew her, which he still thought he did, she would do what she always does: knock it down. He sighed. He didn't want to see her. But he wanted to see her, or else why was he considering opening the door to let her in? Defeated, he shuffled his feet over to the door and unlocked the door, allowing Sam to see the confines of his and his mother's apartment.

"What do you want Sam?" he asked, leaning his forehead on the door. If he didn't look at her, maybe he wouldn't feel anything. It was worth trying. Sam did not notice his lack of eye contact and looked inside the living to see everything was how it was the last time she was there. For some weird reason she expected everything to have changed. But there was the couch where she loved kissing him on, the sofa where one time they… It was better not thinking about it. They were no longer on that level.

"Hey…" she casually spoke, making him catch a lump in his dry throat. He hadn't heard her voice in ages, and it sounded so good, almost as if he was deaf to everything until now. She had a voice like a siren, forever drawing him in. "Can I come in? I saw you take a pie from Carly's fridge." She explained her reasons. It wasn't to see him; it had nothing to do with him. It was all about the pie. Freddie stretched out his hand to give her access to his living room, where she plopped herself down, pulling out a fork from her pocket and digging into the pie. He took his seat on the other side of the living room and also began to taste the pie. It was so good, and doing such a good job of keeping the tension at bay.

"So…" Freddie began, taking a big chunk of pie and shoving it in his mouth, "where's Jesse?" He clenched his fist. It was understandable; he wanted to punch his face in.

"He went to his grandfather's summer home for two weeks. He just left a while ago. He took off in his car last night." She struggled with the words that were dripping on her tongue. She could feel that this was unfamiliar territory, and anything that she would say could possibly cause him to kick her out. Walking on eggshells around this guy was something she never experienced before. Normally she would say anything she would want and he would take it, sometimes dishing out some of his own slander in her direction. But it was no longer the same, and Sam hated him for making it so different. "Where have you been this whole time?" She asked, keeping her eyes on the pie that she was devouring.

Freddie sighed. "At home. Since you have been busy I assume." He answered her in a sour tone.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam said with a little angrier tone than usual. Now it was her that was clenching her fist. She could understand that he wasn't all too excited for the idea of no longer being with him, but he didn't have to be a dick about it. If anything he should be acting more like a man and put up with it. Freddie wanted to yell at her, but thought better to just remain calm, or else something that he didn't want to let out would be released. And the last thing he wanted was to let that go out in the open.

"You're always with him that you don't even hang out with me and Carly." He blurted out. The best lie he could come up with under pressure.

"Well maybe if you would just get out of the house and come hang out with us, that would be different." Sam answered, defending her relationship with Jesse. He was everything she was, and Freddie was nothing that she was.

"I can't hang out with you if you're with him." Freddie explained his reasons, hoping Sam would be able to understand this situation that he was put under. He loved Sam, and hated her for being with someone else that wasn't him. How many times he told himself that he would never, and he knew that Sam felt something for him as well, or else why was she here, bridging a gap and sharing some pie? Sam stood up directly, an anger forming in her eyes.

"Why can't you be happy for me?" she cried. "Why can't you see what he does is something you could never do, he is someone you can never be? Because you were never here Freddie, you can't begin to understand how I was always alone, stringing boring jobs, and trying to find ways to entertain myself. Just three months and boom you took off again! For four fucking years! And yeah you're home now, but you were too late. I don't love you, I never did. You were just a hobby, nothing more. I didn't ever want you, because I knew that you never loved me-"

"I love you, Sam," He finally admitted, cutting off her inspiration, and standing up to face her. He saw a flicker that came and went like a shooting star in Sam's eyes. He honestly didn't know what else to say to her, to stop her from lying to herself and further causing a damage to both that neither needed nor could support. Sam looked at him, shocked at his confession. But then her anger quickly returned. She wanted to stab Freddie with her fork, and plunge it with such a force that he would be gushing up blood. She didn't, she wouldn't give him the satisfaction that he was still able to make her want to spend time with him. She headed for the door, to which Freddie found himself behind her and grabbing her by the arm. She pulled it away from his reach and ran toward the elevator, catching it too late. She desperately punched the button to bring it down fast. When she saw Freddie was still by her she pushed him away, so hard that he fell on the floor. He quickly got up and grabbed her arms and pulled her so close to him that her face was inches from his own. He could feel his impulses start to cloud over everything that he knew, such as his safety. There was no way he was not going to get away without any type of pain on his end. Sam just kept trying her tug her arms away from his reach, squirming every way that she could. He wouldn't let her go. He came this far, he was going to bleed anyway, so to hold her, even as she was trying to pull away was more than enough for him.

"No Freddie, I don't want to deal with this." She kept pushing him away, feeling her strength leave her as he kept hanging on to her. It was as if her mind and heart were at war; while her mind was telling her to get away from him, it was the beating of her heart that wanted him to keep holding her arms the way he was right now. Freddie too felt what Sam was feeling, while his mind was telling him to release her or face her wrath, his heart was telling him to push her closer to him, and hold her until she would stop fighting. After what felt like hours, Sam finally found the strength she needed to push him once again on the floor. Freddie laid there, allowing her to tower over him. She got on top of him and punched him straight on his jaw line, causing him to bleed. He pulled his hand up to his face to wipe off the blood that began to trickle out of his mouth, and spit out the rest. As he turned around, he looked up at Sam, who was still there, on top. But she no longer held a look of anger to her face; it was more as if she was sorry for hitting him. Sam didn't regret hitting Freddie, but she did feel something that was buried long ago, when Jesse came into her life.

She heard the elevator door ding, and opened its doors, but instead of getting off of Freddie and going inside she stayed where she was, her position feeling so familiar to the both of them. She couldn't help but want to inch her lips closer and kiss his mouth. He too felt that Sam didn't want to get off him, but rather, be closer to him. And he dared to see if that were true. He felt his left hand travel up to her face; pulling strands away and having it rest on her cheek. Sam didn't pull away; she was just letting his hand stay there on her face. She didn't react at all. Deep inside her she felt that this was what she needed. But Jesse's face was plaguing her mind as well. But as Freddie brought his lips closer to hers, nothing was in her mind, just the tingling sensation that she has long forgotten.

Freddie parted his mouth and began deepening the kiss, having Sam return their quick moment of remembrance. She grabbed him by his collar, feeling as though they were nowhere near close enough than what they needed to be. And it could have been anywhere; she didn't care, so long as he wouldn't desert her now. Freddie could feel her, he could smell her, and she was really there, in his arms, returning his kiss that he had gone so long without, and forever wanting more. Sam too, felt as though she had been asleep for so long and he was finally waking her up to what she had been going so long without. He gently pulled away from the kiss he initiated and got up, holding his hand out to her. She gave an annoyed look, but instead of taking his hand, she lead the way to his apartment, knowing exactly what road she wanted to take.

Sam wasted no time. As she saw Freddie close the door behind him, she resumed their reunion by attaching her lips onto his again. This time it was Sam that brought pressure in Freddie's mouth. He could feel the tension that she had been going through all these past months in her lips, as she hungrily bit and sucked on his lips. He too kept pulling her with just as much intensity as she was. He hoisted her up with his arms, earning a squeak from the blonde. He knew exactly where he wanted to head: straight to his bed, where it all began.

Something about being back inside his bedroom made Sam feel so much more at home than any other place she ever set foot in. Even her own home was not as comforting as this was. His hands traced her body up and down, as her hands roamed under his shirt and through his hair. She wanted to feel everything that was him, see how he changed since the last time she saw him like this. His mouth kept going down her neck, only to go back up again to drink in her breath. He couldn't get enough of her lips; how they looked and felt under his own. He would alternate his kisses, giving her soft ones, and then changing his kisses to strong ones, just like he remembered that she loved. Sam kept up, planting sweet kisses, replacing them with hungry ones the next second. She began tugging at his collar again, telling him to remove it. He quickly got up and took it off, tossing it to the other side of the room. Sam too began pulling off her shirt, receiving help from Freddie as he pulled it over her head, and flinging it across the room with just as much force as he did to his shirt. He wasted no time, going back down to her, kissing her collar bone, the well of her breasts, all the way down to her stomach and back again. Sam's mind was close to blowing; she didn't think she would miss him this much. But every kiss he was leaving on her was like a scar, a scar that she wanted to keep forever. She wanted to show how much this guy that was giving her was all that she wanted. Freddie pushed her bra up to her neck and began attacking her breasts, making Sam arch her body upwards, closing her eyes in pure ecstasy. He wanted her to hurt as he had been hurting, pulling on her nipple with his teeth. He wanted her to bruise, knowing that couldn't happen until she was no longer seeing that dick. For now this was enough for him.

She was enough for him.

Sam pulled off her bra and began tugging at his pants, unbuttoning them, and letting his manhood loose. Freddie too let her free as he yanked off her shorts and white cotton panties. He began teasing her, stroking her clit with his thumb.

"Fuck Freddie. Just fuck me now, don't tease." Sam pleaded, placing her hand of his cock and stroking it. He was hard enough to just do that. But she wasn't in charge; he was. He kept rubbing and rubbing, showing her that she was missing all this and more. Sam felt her legs start to tense, like she did when she was just about to come. But just before she could, he pulled his fingers away from her engorged clit. She got up and saw that he was going down on her.

When she felt his tongue lick her up and down, Sam laid back down, letting him do what he wanted with her. In all the years that she had been with Freddie, she never knew him to be this hungry for her, to be so obsessive with her. And deep down, she loved every moment of it. Freddie too, liked this feeling of doing what he wanted to her. But most of all he loved just having Sam there on his bed where she belonged all along.

Sam couldn't take his tongue fucking any longer; she was soaking wet that she already soaked his Galaxy Wars sheets. She stood up and climbed on top of him, kissing his throat, Adam's apple, and down his chest. When she reached his penis, she instinctively drew her mouth on it. She only took the tip, playing with him in her mouth. Freddie was so close to losing it that he bucked in her mouth. Sam smiled, knowing that to have him do that when he wasn't inside her means she was doing well at her job at the moment. She decided to end her torture and take him all inside her mouth, going as far as she could go without gagging. Freddie was too strung up with what she was doing with her mouth his mind was going blank. He pushed her off and pushed himself inside her. No assurances were given, just a good fucking like she always said she wanted. He pumped hard into her, slamming his hips against hers. Sam was losing it; completely baffled at who this Freddie was and wondering where he had been all this time. She loved every second of this, the way he was just pushing deeper and deeper. Sam screamed while Freddie grunted, both getting ready to reach their peaks.

"Fucking aye Freddie!" She yelled as the spasms flew throughout her body, on her legs, toes, arms, and even her face. Freddie felt her walls close on him making him groan before he came.

"Shit Sam, oh shit…" he said. He collapsed right on top of her as she kissed every inch of his face for giving her that intense orgasm. She never cried during sex, but now here she was, crying from what he did to her. He just breathed hard, receiving every kiss that she was giving him. He crept his face inside the well of her breasts, feeling her beads of sweat and her heart racing. Much like his mind was at the moment. He had Sam again, but for how long, he didn't know. He feared that when Jesse would come back she would go back. Sam too, thought about Jesse, as she lay with another man in her arms. She was at a loss as to what she was planning on doing. But for the moment, what she wanted was to just stay like this. She didn't want to think about anything, just how Freddie was pressed against her, as if he always belonged there.

In the corner of Freddie's room, a phone began vibrating. It was Jesse calling Sam, to see if she was missing him as much as he was missing her.

* * *

A/N: Here be your much needed Lemon. Took me a while, but I am liking it. And sorry for the delay, schoolwork has to come first.

Anyways... Let me know what you thought about the chapter, and until next time. :)


	6. If Loving You is Wrong

**Chapter 6: If Loving You is Wrong...**

I knew this would happen. Seeing Sam again, holding her close to me, it was bound to happen. And I wouldn't want it any other way. I was happy, and she was happy, she had that smile that I kill to see, not that overexcited one that would always be plastered on her face when she was around Jesse. She was like she was before, when she was my Sam. She had no one to impress when she was with me, because she was all that mattered, not anyone else. And she had me hooked so what more mattered? But in truth, seeing Sam again brought me back to a reality that I was too afraid to face without her. Without her, I felt lost like a file in a computer that was all too valuable. Or like a useless battle card in an online match. But now, I felt like I was a recovering addict, that was still addicted but okay with it, because it was making me healthier, as weird as that sounded. I was just happy to have my drug that was Sam back in my life.

It was more that I could ask for. Having her here with me again as she let me caress her body that I loved so much, to put my hands on her hips where they always fit perfectly when she was on top, to guide her and help her, was all that I would want at times like these. But at the same time there were the restrictions that took me back from the happiness that was restored to me. I couldn't touch her the way I always did. I couldn't kiss her for longer than a few seconds, when I would love spending hours and hours focused on one particular spot. She would freak out all the time when I would, slap me away only to shove me back with her. I couldn't blame her. Any bruise, any sweet delicious mark that we would give each other would further escalate the obvious. That neither of us liked the idea of being away from each other. And worse, that we couldn't go a second without touching each other.

When I touched her after she punched me at our reunion two weeks ago, I knew that she was going through a pain that was inside of me. I felt it when her knuckles collided with my jaw, she threw out her every ounce of frustration that she had about this whole situation. And at first, I expected it, I expected her to have kicked my ass honestly, but then I saw her face, full of resentment and pain, and knew that she didn't want to hurt me. I'm sure that she didn't even want to punch me when she did. And when I placed my hand on her cheek, I felt that tug that she always did to me. That sensation that pulled me closer and closer until my lips touched hers.

But I hated her with such intensity because she was putting me through hell. I wanted to put her through that hell. Two to three weeks of pure depression, where you didn't even want to feel the light of day. I seriously considered it. I wanted to push her off and leave her there outside the elevator doors, to show that she too meant nothing to me. But I couldn't. I never really could pull myself away from her. Like I said, she was the drug that I would run to get high ten times over. She was a virus that I would inject myself with. She was a cancer, and it was as if I was refusing chemotherapy.

These past two weeks felt like they were longer than the time I was depressed, after finding out Sam had a boyfriend that was like me and not like me. But I was happy for that. It was like before; Sam looking for me or I looking for her, finding each other and slipping into the bedroom. It was more this time, these precious moments of quiet murmurs and strong attraction for one another. I felt that attraction that Sam had for me, almost matching my own. I love her, I know I do, but I never mentioned it again to her. I didn't want to scare her, because I knew that she was not thinking straight about all this. I don't know where her heart is when she is with me, but she knew where mine was, and that was more than I could ask for. The way she never wanted leave at nights when she would sneak in my room told me that she too felt the same. I just knew that Sam might not care for me as much as I did, but I knew that she did harbor some feelings. I knew that she was lying when she was ranting to me. She tried so hard to keep it to herself too; she wanted to forget about me. But there was no way in hell would I have let that happen. And deep down I had a feeling that she chose not to either.

And I didn't know which was worse: the fact that I was making Sam cheat on the guy that she is involved with, or that she decided to cheat on him, and continue cheating on him. I just couldn't bring myself to blame her entirely. I couldn't blame her at all. I didn't want to. And so I didn't. I kept it out of my mind. That she was the same Sam that I left, and came back to. I pretended that she had no boyfriend; that it was just me and her like it always was. I just held her when she told me to, kissed her when she brought herself to me, and cradled her when she spent the night at my house, after we shed our clothes to have sex. But deep down I couldn't bring it completely out of my mind. I could still see her with him, a very different Sam than the one here beside me, under my covers.

I think that's what would always make me get a knot stuck in my throat. That once this week is over, she would run back to him. I live in that constant fear. That this was all under a magic spell that would be destroyed once the clock strikes midnight. Nothing could pull me away from that reality in which I lived in. I felt as though it was so far away, and yet right around the corner. But with one look from Sam's face, her arms around me, even just her smell of lavender mixed with my tick shampoo reassured me that it was still too far to worry about. So I didn't, I just went back to her, feel her warm and wet, ready for me just by having me touch her bare shoulder.

And I would always want more. I would always wish that this night or the next she would tell me to kiss her like I used to before he was a part of her life. I would even dream about the day she would just walk up to me and tell me the best news; that she was no longer seeing Jesse, and that she was all mine. That was the day that I always dreamed about.

But when it never came, I never pressured her. I didn't want her away from me again. So I just wait. Much like I am now.

* * *

I should have seen this happening. I should have never touched him. I should have never gone to Carly's apartment. And I definitely should not have gone to Freddie's after and talked with him. It was all so fast. But that's just how it was when I was with him. Everything went by so fast. Like if we never stopped talking, like if I was never with anyone but him. But the main problem with that was that I was with someone. I am acting like the whore that I said I never wanted to be.

When I went to Carly's house, I really did want to see him. But I was caught off guard seeing him there, that look of sadness and pain on his face. I hated that he looked like that, because I caused it. I caused him to be so sad and depressed. It was then that I felt guilty. But when he started ripping on my relationship with Jesse, that look of sadness was replaced completely. He had no right to dismantle the happiness that I was experiencing. So I wanted to cause further pain. I wanted to make him hurt harder. I wanted him to feel what I was feeling as I was spewing out those lies: anger that I wasn't with him, that I wasn't touching him, that I wasn't kissing him.

And when he told me he loved me, I felt as though I couldn't breathe. I knew my face changed from hatred to sadness to hatred again. I didn't want to hear his love for me. I didn't want to know what he felt for me. I just wanted him to be happy for me. And telling me he loves me destroyed any chance of happiness that I could acquire. I felt as though he was just playing with my emotions. Like it was just a low blow. But when he chased after me, I knew he was serious when he said it. And it scared me. It was a happiness that I could have, but I couldn't bring myself to grasping it. Because I was still thinking about Jesse.

I was just so blind to not even want to notice it. But I could feel it. I felt that he still cared for me, even after I did what I did; find another guy, tell him I didn't love him any more, that I never did. He called my bluff in an instant. So I punched him. I punched him to make him hate me. I could handle his hatred; it was what I always knew in life. I never understood love though, and it honestly scared the shit out of me. But in the instant I let out that right hook, I wished I could take it back. I wish I could have taken it all back. Jesse, the fucked up person that I was, us. I wanted us back more than anything. More than Jesse, more than bacon. And when he brought his hand up to my face, my first instinct was to move it. But I didn't want to. I didn't want to pull away from him. I wanted this. I wanted him to hold me close, to touch me like he used to. I wanted him to kiss me the way he used to. And I was glad that he did all that and more. But when I saw that Jesse called, I couldn't help but feel the guilt applying pressure on my chest.

I cheated on him. I did the ultimate deceit a woman could probably do. I wanted to cry, because I just felt so fucking confused. Much like I am right now.

But it's like I am a different person with each one. While one understands what I went through, the other understands who I am. I feel safe with Jesse because I know that he won't decide to get up and leave me. I feel safe with Freddie when he tells me that he wants me there with him. I can't decide between the two. And that's what scares me most of all.

These past two weeks with Freddie has rejuvenated me. It brought back a closure that was so needed in my life. I had the guy that I had such strong feelings for. And I was so scared of losing him now. It was these times that I wished I never had met Jesse. I wished it was just me and Freddie. But Jesse kept a string that tugged at my heart that Freddie never did. And that's what always made me go walking back to his arms. It just felt so right to be held by the two of them. And now that our two weeks without a care were over, I am mortified to know what was to come.

When Jesse comes back tomorrow, would I have the guts to do what I never want to happen to me? Would I be able to leave Freddie? Or even Jesse? Would I be able to completely let one out of my life? These questions are always with me. I try to push them away but with little success.

I try to pretend that it's just me and Freddie, before Jesse came into my life and I feel at ease. I feel relaxed and even happy. But when that phone rings, I find myself pulling away from Freddie and our little peaceful garden of serenity and go lock myself in his bathroom. When I talk to Jesse I don't want to show Freddie how happy I am that he is calling me, how much he misses me. But truthfully, I don't want to see his hurt expression. I don't want to see the pain I am causing. I try hard to stay from any pain, when I know it can't always be avoided.

I bring Freddie closer to me pulling his hands that are wrapped around me tighter around my waist. He goes to kiss my neck, with my hair gently brushed aside so he can kiss it better. I feel his hands roam my body, making me breathe a little harder. He knows exactly what I like. He had three years to find out what it was that I loved, and he always gave me more than I could handle. He would turn me around, so that my body pressed strongly against his, our hips connecting like magnets, his hands cupping my breasts, as my hands roamed in his hair. When he would fuck me, it would throw me into convulsions. But when he would make love to me, I loved staring at him. I loved the way he would stare back, as if he understood what I was doing, and not blaming me at all. I knew I loved him. But he knew that I loved Jesse too. I would kiss him, moan his name as he climaxed, and he would whisper my name everytime, not Samantha, but Sam. That little name makes me fall harder for him. He just doesn't understand how much I can't bring myself to saying what he wants me to say.

It's because when I say 'I love you,' it will decide who I want in the end.

* * *

I literally have no clue as to what's happening. I leave for New York, expecting these two to remain strangers, and see them happy to be around each other. It's like nothing ever happened. Not to say I'm not happy that Freddie is out of his room, even out of his house. But the fact that he is talking to Sam again, just after a measly two weeks that I have been gone, is just astonishing to me. And when I ask them about it, they say the same thing.

"We missed making each other's lives miserable." And they say it with a grin. Okay, I may not be the smartest girl out there, but when something as big as this happens I can't help but interrogate them separately.

Freddie tells me that he just plainly missed her. And that they saw each other here in Spencer's apartment (which is no longer mine because it is official, I am moving in with Griffin to New York by the end of the summer) and they rekindled a friendship that I thought was doomed. And when I asked Sam about it, she too said the same thing (actually what she said was, "the stupid nub stole the pie I was after and so I went to go get it while getting the chance to talk to him").

"So you guys are good again? What about Jesse?" I asked Freddie one day when Sam wasn't there.

"What about him?" he questioned. His face showed that there was still something that they weren't telling me. Almost as if the reason they were back to being friends again, was because they were becoming more than just friends again.

"He's not here. And we have Sam again. Why go and ruin it Carly?" he said, answering but avoiding the question it seemed. And Sam, weirdly, did the same thing.

"He's still with his Grandpa. He still calls me once a day. But what should that matter to you Carls? You have me now." She said with a melancholy tone. I wanted to push further into this but Freddie came in, cutting off my questioning.

So I guess, for the moment, its good. Everyone right now is happy, and I couldn't be happier. I had my two best friends again. And they didn't hate each other anymore. It even looked like they loved each other, with the way they were acting.

Hmmm… I can't help but find myself laughing out loud at that. Sam loving Freddie and vice versa. Although possible, it can't be at the moment, when Sam is with Jesse, even if he isn't here right now. I decide its better to have this little inquiry answered by Griffin as he answered his phone.

"_What is it babe?"_ he groggily asked, I forgot it was nighttime over there.

"Sorry didn't mean to wake you up, but what do you think about Sam and Freddie loving each other?"

On the other side of the line I could hear muffled laughter. Guess that question got answered.

* * *

A/N: So I really like the alternating POVs and the storyline. And I had to add Carly's POV, just thought it gave the story a bit of a breather from all the intense drama that Seddie is going through at the moment. And I'm thinking the alternations of POV and the story adds the much needed emotion that Sam and Freddie are going through. But anyways, here was the 6th chapter. Leave me a review? I would soo love it! :)

p.s. MissSteffy I honestly never thought about the Notebook until you mentioned it! Thanks for giving me that little outlook of the story, it will help for a future chapter I can feel it. :P


	7. Brilliant Dance

**Chapter 7: Brilliant Dance**

On the day that Jesse returned home, Sam found herself immensely distracted. She slept in like she did everyday, not bothering to turn off the alarm that was ringing in the room. For some reason, she didn't feel bothered by it. She didn't feel bothered by anything at all. On the contrary she felt indifferent, everything around her seemed so out of place. Either that or she was the one that was not in place to her surroundings. She felt as though she was not living, as though this life ended on this day. At least that's what she hoped would happen. She didn't want to get up and make the decision that she needed to. She wanted to just lie there all day and never get up to face reality. She enjoyed the happiness and peacefulness that was going on these past two weeks. Just her and Freddie, and no one else to complicate things, much like Jesse was now doing because he was back in town.

At last she felt as though it was time to start the day, to begin going down the road that she needed to travel. She turned off the alarm, and went straight to the shower, hoping the water was hot enough to burn away the thoughts and secrets that were plaguing her mind.

She distanced herself from everything that could bring contact with others; the phone was across her room, and for once she didn't want to stand anywhere near it. She still wanted to feel as though this day that she had been worried about was still too far to face. So when she was looking for clothes to wear she did not glide across the room like she did when it rang, knowing it was Jesse calling her. As she was preparing to go to Carly's, she kept it on silent as she walked over, even though she saw the screen that blinked notifying her that she had received messages and missed a few calls. When she entered the Bushwell Plaza, her finger twitched as she roamed it across the power button, holding it down until the screen blacked out. She didn't know why but she was holding her breath as she did so, and released it as she saw there was nothing on the black screen. She approached Carly and Spencer's apartment and walked in like she always did, plopping herself down on the couch she loved lying down on. Carly came down the stairs, not at all surprised to see her best friend hogging up her couch that could fit three normal people.

"Hey" she said getting up to join Carly in the kitchen.

"Hi." Carly said, opening the fridge for a peppy cola and another one for her friend. Sam took it and popped off the cap, drinking it slowly.

"Where's Spencer?" Sam asked.

"Still not looking forward to me moving. When I told him that I was gonna begin packing he said he was going over to Socko's"

"When was that?"

"When I got back from New York. Don't worry he'll come around soon." She reassured herself as she told Sam not to worry.

"So when are you going to start packing Carls?" Sam asked, with melancholy tone. She was happy for her, but was saddened to know that her best friend is actually going to be leaving to the other side of the United States. How was she going to come and talk about the usual things one needs to a best friend? Carly turned around with a big bowl of potato salad and a fork for her and Sam.

"I started as soon as I got home, remember? I asked you if you wanted to help me and said you had to go somewhere. Oddly enough when I asked Freddie to come over and help me he said he was meeting up with a few of his friends from the AV Club, so I was on my own." She answered. "But since you're here now you wanna help?"

"I would rather just watch you." Sam smiled. Carly knew she would say something like that but shrugged it off and had her follow her to her almost empty room. Sam watched her step and took a long look at the room she would spend the night almost every other evening. She loved sleeping over Carly's not only because the mattress was softer than her own. If anything the one thing she loved and would miss in this room would be those times when she would sleep here, and as soon as she knew Carly was fast asleep she would run over outside to see Freddie waiting for her outside the door.

She would silently close the door behind her and run up into his arms, holding her tightly as if he would never let her go. She would wrap her arms around his neck and just stay like that for the longest time, breathing him in and then pull away slowly as she kissed his lips right outside in the hallway. They would try being quiet but in the end they would cover each other's mouths with their own as they felt caresses from one another, and slowly pull away and return to their beds, their touches still throbbing on each other's skin as if they had just run through fire.

She hadn't talked to Freddie all day, she noticed. Neither one of them she could bring herself to talking to. Carly was the only outlet that was not filling her world with complications, even though she was leaving. But in truth, she found herself missing him more than Jesse. She hoped for him to come through Carly's bedroom door in his blue-collar shirt that she loved so much on him, even if it was striped.

Carly noticed her friend daydreaming as she was standing there in the doorway and flung some old pajamas at her face that she would always wear when she was younger and stayed the night. Sam snapped out of her nostalgia and pushed the pajamas out of her face, a sour look in her face.

"What the Chizz?" she said.

"Come on Sam I could use even a little help packing." She said. Sam gave a long sigh in annoyance but found herself walking over to a box and began placing some of her best friends clothes in it. Nothing was keeping her mind in track, not even Carly's attempt at a conversation. All she could think about was Jesse, and Freddie, and who she would end up staying with, and whose heart she would have to break after she made that decision.

"So how's Jesse?" Carly asked for what seemed like the tenth time. When Sam didn't answer again she waved her hands like a child asking for candy. "Sam what's wrong with you today?"

"Huh?"

"You keep zoning out like when you did in high school history." She said.

"Sorry, what were you asking?" Sam said, trying her hardest to listen to the question that Carly was asking.

"How's Jesse?" Carly asked again, this time slowly. Sam felt her body tense a bit at the sound of his name and found her heart skipped a beat. Jesse…

"He's fine." Sam quickly replied when honestly she didn't know how he was. The last time she talked to him was last night, when he told her he was dying to see her. He probably called and texted her like crazy by now but she kept it in the back of her mind. Her phone was turned off and shoved at the bottom of her bag, just so nothing could wake her, so she could still daydream and that this day was just like any other.

"Are you guys gonna hang out tonight?" Carly asked. "I mean you guys haven't seen each other in two weeks. I'm sure you have missed each other." She assumed, as she pulled papers that she found from high school, and delicately placing them in the box.

"Yeah I guess." Sam answered, showing no interest in the topic that Carly was prying. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" Carly was a little bit surprised at how Sam was answering, like she wasn't in the mood to hear about Jesse, which was weird considering that they haven't seen each other in a while. Normally she would have already called him by now and have him over, and well, do what couples do. "What's wrong Sam?" Carly asked her blonde friend. She saw the look that came and quickly faded off her face, as though she was not feeling well. "Did you guys have a fight or something?"

'_Or someone.'_ She wanted to answer her brunette friend, but knew it was not the time. First she had to choose. "It's nothing really Carly." She shielded her secrets from her best friend as they were eating away at her.

"Then why don't you call him? Where is your phone anyways?"

"I lost it." Sam declared.

"You want to use mine?" she picked up her phone and handed it to Sam. "You can go to the living room if you don't want me to listen." She smiled, to which Sam returned it but in reality she just wanted to frown.

As Sam was prepared to dial Jesse's number on Carly's flip phone, there was a knock at the door and Carly asked if Sam would go get it. Sam left the phone on Carly's bed and proceeded to open the door, knowing who would be there.

"Freddork." She smiled only to see it wasn't Freddie but Jesse standing in the doorway, a disturbed look in his face. Sam felt her body go numb and her blood freeze. She felt the wind knocked out of her as she looked in Jesse's eyes, full of suspicion and worry at the same time. All of that dissolved and turned to a look of passion and comfort as he saw her.

"Sam" he sighed and grabbed her. Sam just stood there, realizing that she didn't have any more time to play pretend. That this was just another ordinary day. He was here, and the other was just behind the door across the hall. He pulled her away from him and looked all over her face, down her body and back up again, as if looking for something. "Are you okay? Why haven't you been answering your phone? I've been calling and texting and both went unanswered, so I went to your house and your mom said she didn't know where you went and so I thought of the only other place you could have-"

Sam cut him off as she pressed her lips against his, slightly chapped with a taste of water. She broke the kiss and returned his embrace, breathing him in. She didn't know why but she felt like crying. Maybe because she felt bad that she was avoiding him. Maybe because she was dreading this would happen, she would slowly be feeling those emotions that automatically shut off when she was around Freddie. She felt wave upon wave of happiness that he was here with her again.

"I've missed you." She whispered in his neck. Jesse pulled her closer and also told her how much he missed her as well.

Carly walked out of her room and saw Sam hugging Jesse, wondering what he was doing there. But at the same time she was not at all surprised, seeing him there with Sam in close range.

"Hey Jesse how was your trip?" she asked. Jesse pulled away softly kissing Sam on her forehead, as he walked over to greet Carly. As he did so, she noticed the door to Freddie's apartment was open, and Freddie was standing in the doorway. Neither anger, nor pain, nor satisfaction was in his eyes. In fact there was no trace of emotion in his eyes. He looked almost indifferent to her, like she was feeling inside. On Sam's face however, he could see how happy she looked when she was staring at Jesse, and how it changed to guilt the minute she locked eyes with him.

"Freddie…" she sighed. Freddie broke their eye contact and looked down towards the floor, as if he found something interesting in the pattern. Sam still kept her gaze on his face, hoping that he would look back at her, see how this was not easy, that she still loved him, even though she could never bring herself to say it.

"Jesse's back." He said. That's when she saw his eyes hold a swirl of emotions, but at the same time, he tried restraining those emotions, but he could never pull it off as good as Sam did. He would always be up front with his emotions, whereas Sam never dared to. The only thing she could do was just keep watching him after he closed the door, and restraining herself from running over the other side of the hallway and stop him from closing the door. The road was already dividing, and she felt her legs moving in Jesse's direction.

"Sam. You want another Peppy Cola?" Carly asked from inside the kitchen, where Jesse was telling her about his two-week vacation. Sam turned around and closed the door behind her as she put on a fake smile and answered yes.

* * *

Jesse wanted to go to the movies, so he told Sam to meet him there. She got ready at Carly's and as she was leaving, she turned around and knocked three times at the Benson's apartment. She waited patiently, not knowing that Freddie was waiting there just behind the door, ready to see her leave and willing to wait to see if she would come back. He took a deep breath and opened it slowly looking at her face to see if she were going to tell him something that would either want to make him grab her or slam the door in her face. He was hoping for her to say that it was done, and she was his. But when she didn't, he waited for what she had to say, knowing that it was something he was not going to like.

"I'm meeting Jesse at the movies tonight." She told Freddie. "He says that he wants to talk to me about something important." Yup, he didn't like where this was going.

"Okay, what do you want me to say?" he asked her, crossing his arms across his chest. Sam sighed, defeated.

"Tell me you don't want me to go through with it." She said, as she got closer to him. "Tell me that you don't want me to leave again to him. That you want me here" she kissed his lips, "with you." Freddie sighed, as if he was annoyed. Why was she acting like such a child? She pulled away from him, seeing that he wasn't in the mood for her kisses. She scoffed at that and asked, "…unless you want me to go to him." She felt her throat close as soon as she said that. Why didn't he want to stop her from having her heart broken? She wanted to be his, and he was not doing what she wanted. He was not telling her to stay. She turned around only to have Freddie grab her and look at her dead in her blue and confused eyes.

"The only reason I want you to go to him is to break it off. That's the only reason I feel as though I shouldn't stop you. I don't want to share you Sam." By now he was shaking her. "I love you. I told you this when I saw you again and these past two weeks I have tried showing it to you. But I'm tired of this shit you are putting me through. Just like he would if he knew about us. I hated that you didn't tell me about Jesse. I did. And I can only imagine how he would react if he knew you weren't telling him something, just like you kept him in the dark about me."

Sam tried to not cry. She hated it. But she knew he had a reason. She knew that what she did in keeping Freddie from knowing she met someone was the biggest and dumbest move she could have ever made. She knew that now, because she felt as though she was going through that process all over again. But the roles were switched. Jesse was in Freddie's position now, and vice versa. But the only difference was Freddie was encouraging her to be open, whereas Jesse wanted to keep her from doing anything to stop her from trying to talk to him.

"You can't have us both Sam, you never could. I know that you don't like to show your feelings, but you have to understand your feelings now." He let her go and turned away from her.

"What if I don't Freddie? What then? Why can't I have you and him in my life?" she angrily asked. "If I pick you I won't have someone who knows what I went through, who understands why I am the way I am. And if I pick him I lose a best friend, a person that I care so much for. I can't win and that's why I can't choose one over the other. Because two thirds of us lose with the decision I make." She admitted.

"I can't be with you Sam, if you are with someone else. It has to be done. If you do leave me for him, that's fine. It'll hurt like hell Sam, but it's possible to survive a broken heart. And you can go on living a happy and comfortable life with a guy that gets you in his own way, and I'll leave to wherever. We won't talk anymore, we wont see each other anymore, nothing between us will ever be how we could wish it was before." He stopped and looked at her very seriously, "It isn't possible to continue this charade we are doing, Sam. I won't be able to hold myself from going over and kicking the shit out of him if he touches you, because I want to. I can't look at you without wanting to touch you, as I know you do too." He reached out to touch her but pulled his hand away, much to Sam's disappointment. "You have to choose Sam. I won't do it. Because I don't know who or what you want."

She got closer to him, diminishing any space between them. She grabbed his hand and pressed his palm against her cheek and close to her mouth, kissing it. It was true, she couldn't go a day without seeing him and just wanting to reach over and kiss his lips, stroke his hair, or have him touch her hips, pull her hair. "We can try Freddie, we can try for just a while longer." She grabbed his collar and kissed him firmly on the lips.

Freddie, resisting her, ultimately gave up and began returning her kiss, opening his mouth to taste her. Sam touched his tongue with hers, ready to strip every piece of clothing right there in the hallway. She tugged at his shirt to take it off as she began unbuttoning her pants. Freddie pushed her against the wall, biting her neck with such animalistic lust that she gasped loudly. She wanted him, even though Jesse was at the movies waiting for her patiently. She didn't care about that. She just wanted him. She couldn't find the road anymore. It was fading away fast. She found herself back at the crossroads; one path leading to Freddie while the other was slowly disappearing. Freddie touched her calmly, knowing that she had to leave before they could continue this madness that she wanted. Whatever self-control he had pushed harder on his head, so that he pulled away from her. She was going to be the death of him; he knew it. But he didn't mind it at all, so long as she was his before she did.

"You need to go Sam. Please." He said, leaving her there in the hallway as he closed the door behind him. Sam, lost at what just happened, slowly let herself slide down to the floor. She didn't want him to stop, but she knew that he had to. He didn't want her if someone else was still touching her. The road made a final appearance in her mind, and she saw which one made the most sense, which one she wanted to take. She regained her composure and headed towards the elevator door. She went inside it and turned around, staring at Freddie's apartment door longingly, hoping that he would let her inside when she would come back home to him.

* * *

A/N: Hope you guys liked it. If you did or didn't, I always love seeing your reviews. I am not sure about the next chapter whether to make it a POV of Sam only or continue with the story, any ideas? If you guys like the POV idea let me know so I can start brainstorming. Until next time! :)


	8. Commitments

**Chapter 8: Commitments**

I think this is the longest walk I have ever had to make. And I wasn't even tired of the walking. I wanted to keep walking, and never stop. There was nothing going on in my mind, except the repetition of the same words over and over again. I kept brainstorming ideas and banging my hand against my head in approval and also in disagreement. I just didn't know how to begin any of this. I can't think of any way I can start the one thing I am so afraid of: breaking someone's heart.

Breaking an arm was simple, and it would heal in time. Breaking a heart was vastly different. An arm you can go without. A heart, if broken, can kill you.

But Freddie survived. He told me that he could. And if that dorkwad could do it, Jesse could too. I think.

I didn't think it would be this hard to tell someone that you still love them but love someone else. I think the reason is because in all of those movies that show girls like me in between two guys is because they get discovered. When that happens, she doesn't go with the guy that is disgusted with her; she ends up with the one that she truly wanted all along. She never had to choose in the end. She was rebuked by one and embraced by the other. The only difference here is that I have nobody to choose for me. My life is no fancy over produced movie. Nobody is gonna stand up and choose for me. I wish someone would choose for me, like they do for her. I just don't know how I can start it, how I can start a damaging process, like a snowball. All I get are the same sentences over and over again.

_'Jesse I need time. I need time away from you. There is someone else. There always has been. I lov-'_

A hobo that trampled in front of me invaded my thoughts, asking me for some change. Without a second thought I shoved my hand into my pocket and gave whatever change I found and dumped it in his hands. Whenever I was with Jesse he would always do that, even though he had no money for himself. He always had to give to others that he said were "less fortunate."

"It's always good to give back Samantha." Jesse would smile in my direction. I couldn't help but smile back every time he did it. He was always in such a good mood, such the optimist. That's always how he was. Even when his dad left him and his mom. He just smiled at his mom and reassured that everything was going to be okay, while his mom would just ignore him and throw herself in bed.

When mine left I didn't know how to take it, just another deadbeat dad leaving a deadbeat family. A woman that never loved him but put up with the man that knocked her up. And the man that decided to fall in love with some other girl and really take a shot at what we call L-O-V-E. And with mom always drinking after that didn't change my attitude into a sunny disposition such as his. I would have rather had a mom that gave two shits about me, rather than one that would completely ignore me when she had 'friends' over. Not that his mom was any better, but she at least knew where her son was.

If it weren't for Melanie and Carly caring for me, I would have rather stayed in juvie, where big boned girls would be in the same boat as me. They may have been big, but I was able to handle it. I could have been ringleader if I stayed; too many were scared of me to have done anything about it. But Carly and Melanie would always keep me out of trouble. Carly would always value the good in me, even when to this day I could never see it. And Melanie was my sister; she saw what I saw and trembled when I did because mom hogged all the blankets. She understood the meaning of a broken home. She understood that dad left because he didn't want us. She knew the definition of abandonment.

And when Melanie left on her scholarship to that snooty boarding school I thought, you lucky bitch. She had a passport to getting out of this dump. And she took it in her greedy hands without so much as saying goodbye. Well, she did say goodbye, but I hated her for leaving. She knew I never liked it. Because now, I had to find other methods of keeping warm at night, when mom would hog all the blankets again.

Well, here I was, right in front of the movie theatres. All I had to do was keep walking the way I was going. I took a long deep breath, and continued, not knowing where Jesse was. I couldn't see him anywhere. Just before I could turn around I saw two hands come across my eyes, blinding me.

"Guess who?" he asked, knowing that I already knew who it was. I turned around and gave him a small hug. I don't know why but I didn't feel like hugging him at the moment. I just really wanted to get this over with. But his smile, I love that smile so much. One of the many reasons that got me to grow to like him. That and because he could take the serious abuse I was giving him in the beginning of our relationship. "For a second I thought you weren't gonna show up Samantha." I shrunk a little bit. I just didn't like my name like that.

"Yeah well, I was helping Carly with some last minute packing and all that chizz."

"At almost midnight?" he asked a little confused. I forgot it was that late. But being the master at lying that I was, I just opened my mouth and let it come out naturally.

"She wanted to be done by tonight so she can start planning her party." Wait party? That is the best you can come up with Sam? What the hell?

"Party? What kind of party?"

"A going away party." Nice recovery. Jesse just looked at me. He knew how much I loved to lie, but this time he actually looked like an idea clicked in his head. I couldn't help but ask, "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing Samantha, nothing at all." He said, kissing my nose in the process. He always did that whenever I wanted to know something that he did. "So how about we go and check this movie out." As he was ready to walk up to the movie box, I tugged a bit on his shoulder, slender, not at all like Freddie's who's was strong and tan. I needed to do this now more than anything.

"Can we talk about something first?" I needed to get it out of the way. I needed to leave this out in the open. And hopefully he would just make the decision for me. God I hoped he would. Jesse, make this easy for me and figure out what I want to tell you, so I wont have to do it.

"Talk about something?" He rubbed his chin, as if he was thinking about something serious. "I actually wanted to talk to you too Samantha." And it was him that was leading the way toward the nearest bench. I always love to be in control, but in this case I am more than happy to give the reins to him, or any other person. I didn't want to crash my own car, which is bound to happen. "I was just hoping it would wait until after the movie, but I guess now is the best time than anything." He began. Now I wish I could have gone first, because something tells me this is not going to turn out good.

"Well, while I was gone, I was missing you a lot. I was not doing anything except going back and forth around the house. I didn't want to go out and hang out with my cousins or anything, even though they were always trying to make me have fun. It just wasn't normal to be missing you this much Samantha." he chuckled, "And then grandpa saw how bored and sad I was over there, so he sat next to me on the couch and he knew straight away that it was a girl. And not just any girl; is what he told me." I didn't know anything about his relatives, I didn't know who his cousins were, who his grandparents were, and yet here he was, talking about me to them. He rubbed my shoulders as he kept going with his story.

"I talked about you for an entire afternoon. He couldn't get enough information about you Samantha. He loved you and he didn't even know who you were. And then he asked me a really important question: 'Are you gonna marry her anytime soon?'" He looked at me with his hazel green eyes, so calm and optimistic. That question that his grandfather asked made me hold my breath. I didn't know what to say to that. But it looked like Jesse wasn't expecting a response. Maybe a reaction, but not an actual answer to that question.

"I do Samantha." He answered. "I see myself everyday with you. And when I don't, it just feels weird. I love you so much that I can't see me with anybody else. I just never really felt this way about anyone else. At first, it was kind of weird, and even a little bit scary, but what scared me even more was the fact that I could lose you any day if I didn't do what needed to be done." He looked at my eyes, which were filled with tears. "It's because I am in love with you Samantha Jolene Puckett. I do, so much, that I want to marry you even. And its not because you have a pretty smile, or because you can go through a whole rack of ribs and still have enough room for an entire pie." He took my hands in his, kissing both and placing them on my lap. My mind was so blank; I don't even remember what I was planning on telling him. "It's because you know me like I know you. You understand me just like if you were me. I am in so in love with you, that if you want we can go to Vegas right now, tonight, and get this over with. What do you say? Will you marry me?"

Oh my God. This isn't happening. This is just a dream that has gone from bad to unbelievably worse. He grabbed my hand, awaiting my answer, while at the same time pulling out a ring that looked old, but very pretty. The diamond that was square cut gleamed its ugly head in my eyes. I wanted to open my mouth, but nothing could come out. I was mute to this whole thing happening. I know that my heart was screaming to say no, but lower than that, it was jumping for joy and that it was pushing me to say yes. Finally, I managed to bring some words, arranged them together to make a coherent sentence.

"I…need to…go." I said. Jesse's smile faded so fast my guilt was lodged at the base of my throat.

"What?" He tucked the ring back inside his pocket, and I felt like I reached the surface after being submerged for hours in a pool. "You mean you don't want to go see the movie?"

"Jesse… I need…to go talk to someone. About all this." I said. I did. I needed her advice now more than ever. I realized that now is when I needed her more than ever, because she knew about relationships, she had one herself. She was married, with a kid on the way to boot.

Melanie.

"I am going to go visit… Melanie." I blurted out. Jesse still had that confused look on his face. He wasn't angry that I didn't say yes about his proposal, more like he was expecting me to have said something else. Maybe he was expecting me to have talked to Carly before answering. But I did notice the happy gleam wipe away from his eyes when I didn't say yes. He couldn't possibly think I would have said yes straight away. I can't even think for myself and now he wants to throw this at my face. Fuck. This.

I tried getting up but felt my knees were like jelly. I wanted to run, but felt as though I would have tripped and cracked my skull open, which honestly did not sound as bad as it does at the moment. I came here, to the movies, to this exact spot, to break up with this guy, only for him to throw out that he doesn't just love me. He is _in love_ with me. So much that he wants to marry me. Freddie never said that he was in love with me, just that he loved me. He never said that he wanted to marry me, only because he knew that commitments were something that scared the shit out of me. But now it didn't sound like such a bad idea. But I needed to know how it was before I actually went through with it.

I looked back at Jesse who was neither psyched nor upset. He just waited for me to tell him again.

"You need to go see Melanie… about this?" he moved his hands in a circle, as if to say that I wanted to talk to her about us. I nodded. "Then I'll take you home so you can pack up. I'll drive you up there and we can-"

"I need to Jesse." I explained. "I need to talk to her about this by myself."

"If it's about me Sam, if it's about us, then I think I have every reason to go too." He said. He had a point but at the same time he was so wrong. It wasn't just about him. Freddie too. And she was the closest thing next to a mother figure for me. She won't judge me, she won't do anything other than give me her piece of advice and ultimately, again, leave the choice in the air for me.

"I'm sorry Jesse. But I need to go alone." I said, not looking at him.

"Samantha, what are you keeping from me?" he asked, trying to see if there was any secret I was keeping from him. He hated that I would do that. I looked at him, hoping that the words cheater wasn't running across my face. When I saw that his face softened, I knew I was in the clear. He let me go. "Alright then. But the least we could do is go watch the movie. We have to spend at least some time together right? We can make that much of a commitment can't we?" He laughed at his own joke.

I would love to be committed into an insane asylum at the moment. I think that right now, in this point in life, it would be better than going to prison, because I know I would fit it with the rest of the crazy fucks in there.

* * *

It was almost three in the morning when I heard something go through my window. I rose up and could see her outline in my room. She did it. She finally was mine again. I couldn't hide my smile, my excitement, everything in me just wanted to yell so hard because she was all mine again. I didn't know where to begin. I wanted to kiss her lips, but I also wanted to kiss her white neck, rip off her clothes, have her lay on my bed. But instead of beginning a passion that always ignited within us at the mere sight of each other, she just stood there, not moving toward me or anything. I couldn't make out her face, see what she was feeling, so I inched closer, only to see a very serious Sam Puckett.

"Sam? What's wrong?" I asked. Even in the dark I could tell that she was not smiling. She was not showing any emotion other than two focused glassy looking eyes staring straight at my dark brown ones. Then I was scared. I was scared that she came to tell me that it wasn't over for them, which would mean it would be over for us. Because I wasn't going to have her if she was still with someone. And I still stand by that. But now I wasn't so sure. Because nothing, not even the fact that she was with someone else, was going to convince me to leave her alone. I can't. Even if I wanted to, I know I can't stay away from her. And if she did pick me over him; I will try everything I can to get her back. I swear to God I will.

"I'm leaving. Gonna go visit Mel for a while." She said. That threw me back from my thoughts and on the matter at hands. Mel? What did she have to do with what was going on right now?

"Why?"

"Something's happened Freddie. And I need to go see her." Said, looking at the floor and then back at my face.

"Is she okay?" I asked, "Is the baby okay?" she was six months pregnant. Anything can go wrong at that time.

"I'm just gonna go for a bit. I'll see you when I get back okay?" she kissed my cheek in reassurance. I reached for her hand and kissed it. I know she doesn't like to be comforted, so I watched her jump out my window and on her way to her twin sister's house.

I hope Mel's okay.

* * *

A/N:  
Okay so I started the regular story line and I was just not liking it so in the end I did the POV alternation thing, while continuing the story! Sneaky huh? :)  
And Melanie will be in the next chapter so look forward to that, and to add a final thought: Did you guys watch iPsycho? It was GREAT! haha I literally laughed out loud at the majority of the show. It was awesome.  
And the Seddie moments were epic wins. Not gonna say anything in case anybody reading this doesn't want spoilers, but I will say, OMG Sam! (0_o)  
Anyways that's all I got to say at the moment. Hope you're liking the story so far, I am loving everyone's reviews so please keep them up!


	9. The Truths About Love

**Chapter 9: Truths About Love**

The ride over to Melanie's house in upstate Washington was a burning one. Nothing was keeping Sam calm as she took her mother's keys and left without waking her up from her hangover. She closed the door to her mother's station wagon, and after the third attempt, the engine roared to life. She began her two-hour drive with no music and even worse, no air conditioning. She forgot that her mom never took the car to the shop to get that fixed. After yelling and cursing at the cars surrounding her that had the blessing of an air-conditioned car, Sam just rolled down the windows of all the car windows, and let the hot wind inside the vehicle. She didn't know if that was a bad idea or a good one. She only knew that it wasn't making the trip over any easier, or better.

When the city was dwindling behind her, and grassy knolls were beginning to surround her did Sam know that she was almost within her twin sister's house. She was still at a loss for words as to why Melanie decided to move so far away from city life, when she herself loved it. She went to boarding school that was within a city, grew up in a city when she was younger, and in the end she chose suburbia. And even that was stretching it. Sam couldn't even bring herself to say that she lived in suburbia; it was more rural than that. It was more like a setting of a countryside taking over where she lived. As simple as life could get. She looked for the street and once she found it, turned, and parked in front of her house.

Melanie's little house was not a big place like Sam herself could see her sister in. It was a shade of blue that Sam couldn't put her finger on, it was not strong, but it wasn't a warm hue either. It was a one story, with flowers sprouting from every angle. And the flowers were all different colors, making it look wild but inviting. It had a white picket fence surrounding the entire house, a little front yard, green and luscious, almost as if the grass was fake. There was a gravel walk-way all the way up to the porch, where Sam could see Melanie, sitting down on the swing set and sipping some tea she must have made for this occasion. Sam got out of the heat-infected car and started walking toward her twin, who got up with a little difficulty. She opened the gate and felt her weight shift with every step she took.

"Don't get up for my sake Mel." She spoke.

"Said it a tad bit too late Sam." She said, smiling at her twin. Sam sighed and got up on the porch, scared to hug Melanie due to her unbelievably engorged belly. For six months she was showing immensely. But she loved seeing her like this, because she actually looked cuter than her. Melanie paid it no mind, and wrapped her hands around Sam, as far as they could go before she brought pressure on her stomach. "I am so happy to see you Sam. You are looking swell." She sat back down holding her stomach, and poured Sam some iced tea. Sam gulped it down within the second that Melanie handed it to her, making her chuckle. "Still gluttonous as always Sam."

"That's a habit that'll never die down sis." She answered, earning another pleasant laugh from her sister. Sam poured herself another glass from the container and watched as Melanie was observing her tiny fingers. They looked a bit swollen, especially around her wedding ring. If Sam would put them close to hers, she would see that they were bigger than her own.

"I was surprised that you wanted to come over and talk Sam." Melanie stated. "I honestly do not have any idea why you wanted to come in the first place. At first I could not help but think it was to talk about our mom but then-"

"Mel, I came to talk not to hear your crazy assumptions as to why I'm here." Sam interrupted.

"Oh." Melanie said, a bit bothered for being cut off. "That's fine then. What did you want to talk about in person that could not be done over the phone?"

Sam held her breath. She didn't know how to begin. She never really had a heartfelt conversation with Melanie, with anyone really. She was never the emotional type, and yet here she was, craving for answers to emotions that needed to be elaborated on. And the only one that could do that was Mel. Even if she didn't really want to talk to her. On the contrary, she wanted nothing to do with Melanie Puckett, because they have lived different lives, different outcomes, but deep down she knew they were still the same. She may have been a goody two shoes, gone off to some snotty stuck up school, have gotten good grades, but she understood Sam better than anyone, because of who they were and how they were related. She was her twin, they both knew the look of hurt in their eyes, feel the happiness radiating off of them, and could notice straight away the anger and frustration, even if they were smiling at the world. Sam bit the tip of her finger, afraid to ask what she wanted to ask. She didn't want to go straight away into talking about herself. She had to build up on it. So she asked the one that she felt needed to be answered most of all.

"Why'd you marry Kevin?" she asked. Melanie sighed peacefully; taking a sip of her iced tea, and threw her head back and laughed.

"Haha, that's not what you wanted to talk about is it Samantha?" Melanie asked, earning a death glare from her sister. "Well, I don't know how to begin." She closed her eyes, and when she opened them she had a somber smile on her face, as if deep in thought, but happy thoughts were going on in her mind. "I guess it was when he told me that he was in love with me." Sam could imagine that. She always had that mindset of being old fashion, her sister. If she didn't know any better, Sam could say she was raised in the south; a regular southern belle. Waiting for the man to come and propose and carry her away in his white chariot, while holding a flower that smelled better than any other flower in the garden to give to her when he went to pick her up for their date. The shyness that would appear on her face as she blushed, and Kevin, the perfect gentlemen, never to rush anything unless she was consenting to it. With Melanie, Sam just couldn't help but picture it that way. Maybe it was a mistake to have come here, because she didn't know anything about what she was going through. But she couldn't help but press on for more.

"Is that when you knew that you were in love with him?" Sam asked. Melanie shook her head slowly.

"Not until I married him did I know that I love him." She said. Sam noticed the flicker that came across Melanie's face, much like her own when she was bothered by something that she said. Like she didn't want anyone to notice what she was meaning with those words she let out. "When he placed this ring on my finger, much slimmer mind you," She continued, "I knew we would be together for as long as we both shall live."

The birds began chirping all around them, some even as daring as standing on the other side of the porch, looking for feed. How like Mel to have even the birds attracted to her, even when she had a huge belly that could not even make her stand normally. Sam coughed and the birds retreated. Then she turned to Melanie, and felt her mind push her into asking the next question that she asked.

"… And how did you know he was better than Michael?" Sam said, and now she wished she could take back. Melanie's eyes were no longer alive, but looked glazed over, as if she was thinking of a better time, a happier time. It was like before when she told Sam the reason she loved her husband; just nothing mattered. "Mel?" Sam asked, shaking her arm. Whatever spell Melanie was under quickly faded, and she returned to her smiling self. Sam was suspicious, but Melanie seemed to have taken no effect to what her twin was thinking.  
"Let's go inside." She suggested, "the heat is starting to play tricks on my head." With a little difficulty, she rose to her feet, taking her cup and Sam's and opened the door. Sam, a little uncomfortable at how fast she got up, followed her inside.

The interior of Melanie's house was every bit cliché as her sister. There were pictures everywhere, on the small piano, hanging by the walls, and at least one frame on every end table. It was nothing but pictures of her and Kevin, and a few of the four of them, when she would go to visit them. Freddie finally knew that Sam indeed had a twin when she came to visit during their sophomore year in college. Freddie couldn't believe his eyes, and at first was very uncomfortable, but with Sam pulling him away and kissing him in the shadows, the awkwardness in him melted away, and he began having fun with her and her twin and Carly. Sam continued her pace, observing the massive amounts of memories that surrounded Melanie every day when she woke up. As she entered the tiny kitchen, Sam took a spot on the chair that was vacant, across from where Melanie was sitting. She took a deep breath, and furrowed her brow; deep in thought once more, but no longer somber memories were in her mind. These were different memories, memories she looked as if she never knew wanted to know about. Memories that she looked she could have gone without, because they hurt in ways Sam could relate.

"…What Kevin and I have is good. At the moment and even before then, when we would date. But what I had with Michael was… different than anything I ever had." Melanie crossed her arms on the table, struggling to find the words that she needed to describe her past relationship. "He was never one to give up easily. Varsity captain of the Wrestling and Cross Country team. Tall, good looking, and so easy to talk to. I could tell him my whole life story and he would listen to it all, never bored of it. He would probably ask for more of it actually." Sam saw the sad look on her sister's face, the same resemblance of her own when she was sad. "He was, in a nutshell, someone that I was scared of."

"Scared how?" Sam asked.

"Scared of loving him more than he loved me." She answered quickly. Sam gave her a confused look, to which Melanie explained. "He loved me, there was no doubt about it. But I knew that I was falling faster than he was, so I ended it and met Kevin, who told me he was in love with me since he met me." Again, Sam gave her a confused look. "I did not want to be hurt like our mom was, so instead I found someone that would look after me and protect me forever."

"Didn't you stop to think that he could have loved you as much as you loved him?" Sam questioned her; Melanie just shook her head.

"I did not want to think about it, for fear of falling faster and more in love with him." Sam was confused, and Melanie could see that. She grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "I decided to love someone else that I knew was _in love_ with me, rather than one that _just loved_ me."

"But, why?" Sam asked a little angry about it for some weird reason. Her fists pounded on the table as she rose up. It was Melanie that looked confused now.

"Why what Sam?"

"Why give up loving someone that doesn't love you as much? He could have loved you as much as you did in time. Why would you settle for someone else? You just had to give it some time-"

"If there is anything that I learned from the relationship that mom had with our father, was that a man that only loves something can be extremely fickle. But if he is in love with it, it will never change." Melanie retorted. Sam sat back down and it was Melanie that got up to defend herself. "Men are children. They don't know what they want in this life, just a woman that can be more than just a friend. And if they fall in love and let their guard down, the woman will do all she can to keep him that way."

"So you married to put up with it." Sam said. Melanie shook her head as if defeated, placing her hands on her hips.

"If that's how you want to look at it Sam I am not one to stop you from thinking that." Melanie ended. Sam was so perplexed with what Melanie was telling her that she had to continue. She had to dissect this whole thing.

"But I don't get it Mel. If you were in love with Michael-"

"Like I said Sam, I was in love with him, but he never loved me that way, and I knew that I would not be able to handle him leaving me with a kid that I would have with him. I wouldn't be able to see that baby's face, if it would remind me of him. Basically I did not want to be hurting over someone that I should have known better than to fall in love with. At least Kevin will never leave, because he doesn't just love me, he is in love with me."

"So you are settling for him. You are settling for a life, instead of finding a real chance of love. Like mom did."

"What mom had with our dad is different Sam but if that is how you see it-"

"I can't see it any other way." Sam interrupted. She didn't. Melanie, to her, was trading her life for something that so many do. It was just to get it over with. Marriage was just something that would be put up with to continue one's life as an outer shell. Her mission in life would be to please her husband, like many women in life. Marriage, children, and further brainwashing of marriage being something that you just do in life. No love needed. How could she think that?

"I can." Melanie said. "I do not see it as though I am settling for someone as you say. I see it as progressing in life and in time falling in love with someone that is already in love with me." She got up again and walked over to the sink. She placed her hands on the sink and lowered her head, breathing hard, like she wanted to cry. Then she turned quickly and held her tummy. "We all settle Sam. One way or another, we all settle for something less than what we truly wanted. And the sooner we realize it, the better life will be."

"I won't," Sam said. "It'll be a cold day in hell before I settle for something less than what I want."

"And yet here you are." Melanie said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam questioned, knowing where this conversation was going. It was reaching its climax, the real reason behind Sam coming here.

"You didn't come here for just interrogating me Sam. You came here to see what it was like to have a life that one settled for, because one of them has already popped the question. Or are my presumptions wrong?"  
"How did you-"

"Sam, I may be far away from the city life, but when I saw you the last time I did with Freddie I knew that you were in love with him. Probably like I was in Michael, if not more." Sam turned away from Melanie's contemptuous look. She knew all along because she knew what it was like. That was the only reason, because she used to be in love with someone just like Sam was now. "And then you emailed me about this guy Jesse, and I knew that you were in love with him too. The way you talk about both of them, it tells me that you have two Michaels in your life. Not just one. But there is one that you love more, that is obvious. But who loves you more between them? That is why you came here, to question me about my choice and more importantly why it was I chose the one I did."

She read her like a book. She was her twin, why was she surprised about that? She turned away, a look of guilt all over her face. When she turned to face Melanie, she didn't judge, she just reached for her seat and pulled it closer to her twin.

"I know that look that you are giving me Sam." Melanie continued her analysis of her twin. "It was the same look I had when Kevin was telling me about how much in love he was with me. How much he loved me that he wanted to marry me right then and there." She looked at Sam's hands and noticed there was no ring, but Sam's face told it all. Her barrier was broken, and her emotions were all over her face. "He asked you didn't he?"

"Jesse asked me yesterday night." Sam said, tears ready to fall.

"If you want my advice," she rubbed her hand, trying to comfort her. "Marry him Sam. If he asked you to marry him, then he must be in love with you. If that is the case, he will never leave you. He will never abandon you like our father did. I don't really know much about him, but if he is willing to ask you to marry him, you know that he has your best interest at heart." She concluded.

"But…what if I don't love him as much as he does?" she asked her. Melanie, who looked at her face saw the tears finally fall, silent and slowly.

"You know what my answer is to that Sam. Look at what I chose." She said looking around her tiny kitchen. "I don't need much right now. Right now, I just want to be happy. Which I am."

"But… is it enough Mel? Is it really enough for you to have a life like this?"

"Hey Mel, there's a station wagon outside… looks like your mom's." The girls heard a voice coming inside the house. Sam quickly wiped away her tears and got up to show that it was her that was driving the station wagon.

"Sam!" Kevin smiled, walking toward her and giving her a quick hug. "Haven't see you since the wedding! How've you been? And Carly and Freddie too?" Sam replied that everyone was fine, and then Kevin asked, "What brings you here?"

"Oh, you know, just came to visit Mel, since I haven't seen her in a while." She said, hoping he wouldn't notice the redness in her eyes. Melanie waddled toward the cabinet to pull out another cup so she could give her husband a cold iced tea drink, which he gulped in an instant. Melanie invited her to stay for dinner to which she agreed. When they were done eating Melanie asked her if she would like to stay the night.

"No I can't Mel." Sam replied, declining such a wonderful offer. To stay in the countryside away from her city life was sounding more and more like the best idea ever. But she knew she had to go back by tonight, or else Jesse would be worried. Either that or he would be coming up here and ruining what sense of tranquility the prairies were giving her. Melanie passed her the phone, telling her to call.

"I would rather have you here for a while longer to make up your mind Sam. Because I know you don't want my life." She said out of earshot of her husband, who was eating in the kitchen. Sam took it and dialed it his number on the phone as she went out on the porch. Jesse picked it up on the third ring.

_"Hello?"_

"Jesse its Sam. Mel said that she wants me to stay for a bit. Can you let Carly and Freddie know?" she asked him.

_"I'll let Carly know babe. You want me to go pick you up tomorrow? We can continue talking about what we were before-"_

"I'm gonna go to bed Jesse, we can talk about it when I get back. Don't forget to let them both know. Please. I don't want them worrying about me." She said. Jesse reassured her and she hung up on him, taking a deep breath of the night air. Melanie came outside and wrapped a blanket around her.

"You can have your own blanket tonight." She said, and walked back inside to begin cleaning up the dinner they just had. Sam took the blanket and brought it closer to her body as a summer breeze brushed past her. Now she knew why Melanie chose the simple life.

Because it was beautiful. There were no other words to describe it. The stars were as bright as the lampposts in the city, the air was so fresh that she felt as though she was breathing in something delicious when it was just air, and everywhere chirped the insects, making music that was as melodious as a lullaby, making her lose consciousness and just close her eyes for a while, as she sat down on the porch swing where she and Melanie were under that afternoon, just moments before.

* * *

A/N: Hope you guys liked. I don't know why but I can totally imagine Mel being a country girl, simply because the way she acts, all good and stuff. Well leave me a review telling me what you thought and until next time. :)


	10. Deluded Happiness

**Chapter 10: Deluded Happiness**

It was early in the morning. That much I knew. I think it was like around seven-ish when I woke up, because I felt as though the sun was staring straight at me. I am serious; the light was shining through my window and there was nothing to stop it from invading my room since my curtains were packed and ready to go. Along with my covers for my bed, my clothes that I yanked from my closet and dressers. Everything was almost packed; I just needed the essentials like my toothbrush and a few other things. I pushed myself to the other side of my queen-sized bed expecting to feel Sam's weight on the other end, but she wasn't there. I forgot that she went over to Mel's. I guess she probably went to stay with her mom, huh. I stretched and yawned, grabbing the alarm clock to see what time it was.

It said… ten in the morning? Wow, Sam's sleeping-in habits are kicking in at the wrong time. I should have been up hours ago to finish packing.

I ran to the shower and quickly cleaned off the grogginess, making sure not to waste any time. I washed for ten minutes it seemed and quickly changed. I was in the mood for something pink, being that the day was so pretty. Everything had to be packed by Sunday night, because that's when I would be leaving. I would leave to start my life in New York. I couldn't contain my excitement from actually doing something with my life so quickly. I thought I would be like so many out there that got their degrees and just waited for a phone call from any place that they could get hired. But nope, here I was, getting ready to leave. I was just so… Happy. Happy that things were going good, that I was going to move in with Griffin, and be with him for as long as we could stand each other. Trust me, that's going to be hard enough with that Pee Wee Babies obsession he has. All I know is if he even thinks about sleeping with them that will probably be the last straw. But until then, I'll still be smiling and be happy that I was going to start my life alongside him.

A knock on the door stopped my thoughts of happiness and pleasure that was just around the corner for me. I just didn't have time for any visitors at the moment. I ran toward the door and swung it open.

"Jesse. What a surprise." I said, neither sarcastic nor pleasing. I just didn't have time right now to care. Sunday was less than four days away. I had to pack quickly, but even more important was that I also needed to go find Spencer. He was still acting like such a baby. Did he honestly think I would stay with him forever?

"Hey Carly. Can I come in? I have something to ask you real quick. And to let you know about Sam." I sighed, and moved to the side of the door, allowing him to enter. If it was something about Sam I knew it held some importance, so of course I had to make time for that. Plus I was curious as to what he wanted to ask me. Gossip always has time unfortunately.

"So what's up?" I asked him, glancing at the clock. Fifteen minutes after ten. Time was being friendly. I looked at him, his face very stern, but he was trying to play it off. It was strange; I have never seen a face like that on him, because he would always be smiling. Sadness on Jesse's face was rare. But something I couldn't put my finger on told me that he wasn't sad. It was something more. That must mean that something was wrong. Maybe something happened between him and Sam, and that's why she went over to Melanie's? Maybe he wanted to ask me why she left to Melanie's? Or maybe he wondered if she was here in the apartment?

"All your stuff is packed and ready?" He asked, observing the boxes and a few duffels that were in the middle of the living room. I wanted to crack a joke but something told me he was not really in a laughing mood. Which again, was very odd, and so unlike Jesse. He just kept looking around, avoiding my eyes. I raised my eyebrow in curiosity. That really couldn't have been the reason he was here. He knew I was moving away but his interests in me rested the minute Sam would enter the room, then all his attention would gravitate toward her. I wasn't jealous of her, because I had Griffin. I was just annoyed that they would do their public displays of affection in front of me. Sam would always try not to, but with little success, as Jesse would keep bringing his lips up to hers. Gag.

"That's why you came? To see if I was ready to leave?" I asked, a little laughter escaping my mouth. "Can't wait for Sam to be all yours I see." I snorted. Good luck with that, she will still have her best friend Freddie here. And he wasn't getting anywhere out of her life any time soon, by the way they would always hang around each other nowadays.

"No, she already is all mine… But that's not the reason I came over. I just thought it would be a good ice breaker." He said. Well now that the ice was broken, I was just waiting for him to get on with it. I walked into the kitchen, having him follow me, as I was getting out some milk and a cereal. I didn't really care which one, and I'm sure Jesse wasn't hungry but I was. I just woke up and I needed my strength for today. Jesse sat down on the seat by the kitchen table, his hands intertwined together on the table. Again, he was not acting normal. He would always pull his hands behind his back or something. It would be his act of being so carefree. But now here without Sam, he was acting so different. As I poured the milk in the bowl, Jesse started talking.

"I need to know…" he began. I just waited. I could see this wasn't easy for him to come right out and ask me something. It must be serious. Screw it, packing can wait. I looked over to where he was sitting and his stare was so concentrated, it was kind of intimidating.

"Need to know?" I asked, not sure what he wanted to know. I found myself sitting next to him, trying to crack any code that he was holding in his mind. There are many things people need to know about others. But what he wanted to know dealt with Sam. He wanted to know, no. He needed to know something about her.

"…I need to know what Sam tells you about me." He said. Well this was interesting but not enough to pique my interest. I didn't know Sam's true feelings about anyone, seeing as though she never liked talking about these things humans call emotions. She was more like an iceberg, and showed affection rarely. I loved hugging her and she didn't. I loved being close to her and Freddie, and she would most likely pull away. Feelings and Sam just didn't really mix well. The only time she would ever show affection was when she was pressured into it, like when Jesse would pressure her, changing her personality altogether. Whether if it was for the better, I would rather not answer that.

"Jesse, is that what you really wanted to ask me?" I questioned him, my smile never disappearing from my face. "Because if its not then whatever it is, just come out and say it." I encouraged him. "If its not that important then I guess it can wait." I began eating my Toasty O's by putting a spoonful in my mouth.

"Fine." He said getting up and walking back and forth, like if he wanted to leave, but was more intent on staying. He turned around. Guess he thought it would have better to stay and ask this million-dollar question. "What do you know that is going on between Sam and Fred?" I chocked on my food, and looked at him with a little surprised look. And a bit off guard as well. Sam and Freddie? What about them? They were friends again, making each other miserable in their own special ways. Why did he want to know about that?

"What is there to know Jesse?" I asked him, calmly. He looked pained. Like if that wasn't the answer that he was looking for.

"You remember yesterday when I came over?" he began. I nodded, recalling that I asked Sam to answer the door, after I was talking to her about Jesse and if she saw him at all since he returned. Come to think of it, Sam was acting weird also yesterday. And when Jesse came over she was still not acting like herself. She looked guilty, much like Jesse was. He looked as though he should feel embarrassed to even be thinking that Sam and Freddie could be anything but friends. "Well, I was shocked to see her here actually, and she had this smile that left as soon as she saw that it was me at the door." He told me. Now I was the one that was feeling uneasy. A smile that was on Sam to only be erased when she saw Jesse, who only gave her these feelings of smiling uncontrollably made no sense to me. I couldn't even imagine how it was for him.

"It's like she was expecting someone else to come through…" he trailed off, expecting me to put her to blame. There was no way I was going to do that. I shook my head.

"I don't understand." I admitted. "What is there to know about them other than they are friends. They were dating but then… well you know how that has gone. Probably more than I do." I said. He wouldn't look at me. His gaze wasn't fixated on anything; it was just flickering to different objects in my- I mean soon to be brother's apartment. "Look," I got up from my cereal and walked up to him, trying to think of a way to comfort him without touching him. I wasn't really sure how to do that, so I just patted his back. "What happened between them ended the day she met you Jesse. I don't see why you are worried about it. Just give her time." I turned around, and Jesse spoke again.

"Do you know why she left to Melanie's house yesterday?" he asked me.

"I knew that she left because Freddie told me last night." As soon as I said it I knew that wasn't the right thing to say. His eyes looked like they were opening for the first time.

"How did Freddie know about her leaving?" he asked, a little angrier than a normal person would ask. I was starting to feel very uncomfortable with this situation.

"She told him yesterday."

"When?"

"On her way over to see you." I lied. I honestly didn't know when she told Freddie that she was heading over to see Melanie, but to say that it was late would have been a dumb answer. Sometime during the day would have made better (not to mention appropriate) sense. It was his turn to raise his eyebrow up in curiosity.

"…That would make some sense. But why didn't she let you know?"

"I am busy with packing. I even held her back a bit to help me with some last minute help." I said. I did hold her back a bit. He sighed.

"That's why she said she was running late to meet me. Because you were packing up so you can prepare the going away party."

Going away party? I wasn't having a going away party. I just wanted to have a dinner with my closest friends, than to go out with a bang. Why didn't Sam tell me about this? Why must she put more pressure on me? And Jesse was doing nothing to alleviate the stress as he was sitting here talking to me about his suspicions.

"Look Carly," he sat down, bringing me down to his eye level. His eyes were so hazel and green and animated, but now as he was talking to me they looked grey and hopeless. "You know how much I love Sam. I really do want to be with her. But I just can't help but think, that she might still have feelings for the guy that across this apartment. There I said it."

This time there was no shock to his words. I understood his affliction. I went through it when I found out Griffin was hanging out with an old friend. When I told him I didn't like it that he was hanging out with her alone, he told her that the only time he would be with her was when I would be around them as well. She never spoke to him again, calling me jealous and possessive. But that wasn't the case. I just couldn't love Griffin enough to know his friends, like he knew mine.

"Jesse, I-"

"I need you to tell me the truth Carly. I need to know where we stand, so I can choose to keep her or fight for her."

Where we stand. Out of everything that he was telling me, those three little words stood out farther than anything he has mentioned so far. It sounded so familiar. Something that Sam said not to long ago. It was when we started talking again. After what happened at the airport with her and Freddie. Now it was my turn to ask for some answers.

"Who's idea was it to have you go to the airport when Freddie landed Jesse? Yours or Sam's?" I let it out before it escaped my conscious. Jesse sighed, letting his hands run through his jet-black hair. That little sigh told me everything. It was never Sam's plan to take him with her. She wanted to give Freddie time; she wanted to wait. It was his idea all along. And here I was blaming her for it. I forgave her about it soon after, but there was still that hurt that she gave Freddie that I just never forgot about.

"I convinced her to have me come along, so Freddie would understand." He explained.

"Understand what exactly."

"That she isn't his anymore. That she's mine." He said, making her sound like property other than a human being. I never saw that before. A man talking about their significant others as their property. His love for her was not normal. If I could describe it, it was a borderline of obsession. And yet why was Sam still with him? His insecurities about himself were dangerous, as though he might snap any day that she would do something that would displease him. Just like now.

"She wouldn't cheat on you." I said, trying to keep his mind sane. By the way he sounded when he said that she was his ran a cold shiver up my spine, and so I thought, going straight into his suspicions and plucking that thought seemed like the best idea at the moment.

"I know, not while he was gone at least because I kept her busy." He said, confidence spilling after every syllable. "I would always pull her away from computers, tell her to put the phone away. Everything that would keep contact with him. And she would listen, without a second thought. I had to Carly." He said, as if that was more than a good enough excuse. I wanted to laugh in his face. "You just don't know how much I love her, and how much I want to be with her. Even if it means having her to give up her best friend. It's like what you did with Griffin."

"No, not in a million years is that the same thing." I said standing up to defend myself. "How do you even know about that?" I told Sam, but I never expected her to have told Jesse.

"She told me about you two. She told me your whole life story, she tells me everything if I want to know about it. All I have to do is ask, and boom, she spills secrets like a loose dam made by retarded beavers." He got up, making me take a step back. How I wish I could have yelled for Freddie right now. "And it is the same, whether you want to see it or not. You didn't want Griffin with anyone else for fear of losing him. That's the same reason I want her with me and not hanging out with the Benson guy that lives across from you." His finger pointed towards the door. I don't know why but I felt scared. Like if he ever did find out that there was something going on between the two of them, he would have hurt Freddie or Sam. Or worse. "Because I don't want to lose her. She makes me happy in ways I never thought I could be." I got up and kept my distance, but he closed it quickly, standing no more than a few feet from me. I wanted to panic, but knew that it was better to not even think about panicking, because he would hurt his girlfriend's best friend… at least with the way he was looking at me he looked like he would.

"You will tell me if you notice anything Carly. You have to tell me." He said. I couldn't believe that he was going to tell me to spy on her for him. I didn't even know him to call him a best friend. Not even a friend in general. I just knew him to be my best friend's boyfriend. But know that I think about it, I would rather call him my best friend's psychotic and neurotic boyfriend. "There is no way in hell I'm going to lose her to someone like him. He had his shot, lost, and now it's my turn. And believe me when I say, I will win." He reached inside his pocket and I closed my eyes, thinking he was going to pull out a gun or something. But more than anything I closed my eyes in prayer, I was actually praying that he wouldn't hurt me. Please God don't let him hurt me. When I didn't feel him move or anything, I opened my eyes a little bit and saw something shiny in front of me. When I opened them fully, I saw it was a ring.

"I proposed to her last night."

Proposed? He asked Sam to marry him?

"Marry you?" I said aloud. I couldn't picture Sam married. Not that she didn't have that potential, just that she always seemed like the type to fear commitments. Not to mention that this guy is just out of his mind in love with her. And I don't mean that in a good way.

"Yeah, but she didn't say yes but she didn't say no, so that's got to mean something doesn't it?" He looked at me, expecting me to say that he had a point. But truthfully I didn't know anything to say to that. I knew Sam like the back of my hand. But when it came to Jesse, she didn't like talking about him with me. Which was weird. We could talk about anything really, but not this. Now that I think about it, she probably did it because he told her never to say more than what was needed. He was holding her by a thread, and with Freddie in the picture, he assumed that she would see him the way that he is showing himself to me, and will cut that thread herself.

"I…don't know." I said. I was at a loss of words, literally, because everything that he was telling me was not at all the way I pictured him to be. Around Sam, he was so collected. Without her, he was at a breaking point. He was bending so far for Sam to be calm and happy. He has been playing her to the point that she herself can't see him the way he is around others.

"At your party, I'm going to ask her again. In front of Freddie and everyone else, so they can see that I'll never leave her. But more importantly to show everyone that she'll be mine." He told me of his plan. I gulped, and waited for him to pull away from me. "Or are you going to cancel it?" he said, putting the ring back inside his pocket. I wasn't even planning on having a party. But now, for the sake of everyone's well being, I should begin planning. For Sam's sake more than anyone.

"It's going to be a small get together." I said. He turned around to face me. "I didn't want to have a big party, like I told Sam last night." I gripped my fist, to stop from shaking. I don't know how much longer I could hold it before I would collapse on the floor. He headed for the door, stopped, and turned around, flashing me a smile. That's the Jesse I knew, happy go lucky Jesse, that smiled at the world. Not the one that was telling me that Sam would never be anyone's but his, his depressed but possessed look was gone, replaced with his optimistic one. How he could change his personality so swiftly left me speechless.

"I forgot to tell you, Sam stayed over at Melanie's yesterday. That's basically why I came over really." And was out the door.

No tears were coming out of my eyes. No screams were escaping from my mouth. I was just standing as still as a statue, hoping that I could hear the elevator door ring. But I couldn't. I didn't have that good of hearing. A knock came through the door and I froze again.

"Carly? It's Freddie, you home?"

That's when I knew that it was okay; Jesse was gone. I dropped to the floor, my body collapsed from the discovery and interrogation I underwent just right now. And my world closed in around me.

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A/N: Whew! I was trying to see how I could further explain Jesse, but without the loving eyes that Sam always sees him in. So I thought a Carly POV would be the perfect one (since Freddie doesn't talk to him and all that). He sure doesn't sound like a good guy does he? Well review telling me what you guys thought of this chapter and all that good stuff and until next time. :)


	11. Secrets and Lies

Sorry for such a long time to update! But it's done! Possibly another chapter by Sunday so stay tuned! Enjoy!

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**Chapter 11: Secrets and Lies**

Today was such a calm day. I felt the summer heat infiltrate my room, making me sweaty, and awakening me. I looked over my shoulder to find my alarm blinking nine in the morning. I shrugged off the sleepiness and got up from my bed, heading towards the bathroom.

As soon as I got out of the shower (shampooing twice, rinsing and conditioning with my mom's anti-tick shampoo) and brushed my hair, my teeth, flossed, q-tipped my ears, rinsed with mouthwash and checked to see if I had any chest hairs growing, I went to my dresser, finding my loose shirt that Sam would always like to wear when she would stay the night, only to leave early in the morning in case my mom decided to come in unannounced. I loved her in that, and I thought if I wore it now, it would still smell like her. I pulled it over my head and the faint smell of lavenders with a hint of bacon grease raced through my nostrils. Yup, that was Sam for you. Dirty and yet delicious.

I didn't feel like wearing jeans so early in the morning so I decided on wearing the same pajamas that I slept with and went outside into the living room. I was attacked by such a euphoric smell that it lured me into the kitchen. Mom was cooking up something that can only be described as mouth-watering.

"What are you making?" I said, my eyes closed as I tried being surprised. I could smell eggs, pancake batter, cinnamon, and the most perfect smell of bacon. I opened my eyes, expecting Sam to be here, but she wasn't. I don't think I can ever be around bacon without thinking that she's here too.

"A heartwarming breakfast. Oh Freddie." My mom said, and I saw her staring at my pajamas. "You know how I don't like you wearing the same thing that you slept in after you showered! It's filled with all your germs from last night, making the shower in the morning pointless." I rolled my eyes, not even surprised that she said that.

"There's nothing wrong with wearing what I wore last night." I told her. Her look of disapproval almost tempted me into changing, but I stood my ground as I unconsciously reached for some bacon and eggs. As I was about to reach for the pancakes, she swatted my hand. "Ow."

"You know I don't like you eating from the same plate two things that have two different condiments." She said. "Ketchup with honey is not good for the tummy." She recited. I hated when she would do that, especially when I was younger, embarrassing me in front of Carly, and mortifying me in front of Sam. More ammo for her to have made fun of me when we were younger. I should have known she was bound to hit me with something like that, so instead I topped the bacon and eggs with some tater tots, just served. I ran to the fridge to pull out the ketchup bottle before my mom would come up with another of her catchy jingles and sat down with my fresh and delicious looking breakfast on the countertop. Mom pulled up a plate of pancakes beside me and handed me the syrup. As I poured some syrup and reached for the butter, watching it as it melted on top, I couldn't help but inwardly laugh at the fact that she was fine with me pouring my own syrup, but always denied me the ketchup. I turned my attention to the ketchup-drowned plate of bacon and eggs with taters and grabbed a forkful, jamming it into my gullet.

"Oh Freddie." My mom said disapprovingly. "You are starting to eat like Sam." She said turning away to finish her cooking. I coughed a bit as I heard that I was getting Sam's eating habits, and then I was wondering if I should take that as a compliment or an insult. Because as much as I was somewhat flattered that I reminded her of Sam, I was also a bit embarrassed that I developed such eating habits. When she sat down beside me with her plate of cereal, we continued our feast in silence. Normally, she would be chastising me for having my elbows on the table, or because I was slouching while I was eating, but ever since I took off to college, her worries about my posture died down, but she still liked telling me what to do, whenever she had the chance.

"So, what are your plans for the day?" I knew we couldn't go in silence for long. We both hated that.

"I don't know, maybe go help Carly with some last minute packing." I told her, although I figured by now Carly would be all packed. She always did three to four days in advance.

"Wasn't Sam helping her with that?" she asked.

"She was, but she went over to Melanie's yesterday." I said, a smile on my face as I was talking about her. She just did that to me, even though right now at the moment she wasn't making me feel all to giddy because of what was happening.

"I don't see why you never harbored any feelings for that girl Freddie. She looks exactly like Sam. She just lacks the criminal record." She said, all too right about her insight. Melanie did look exactly like Sam, but that didn't mean that she was anything like her. Sam was an original, that's the way I see her. But wait, why bring something like that up?

"Why do you think that I ever liked Sam that way?" I asked. I know my mother's instincts, her ways of inserting a seed into my mind. She was truly gifted in making me talk without me ever knowing it. And honestly, I never knew that she would have ever caught on. Sam and I were always careful. If Sam stayed too long, I would pretend I was in the shower so my mom would know not to come inside, giving her the chance to sneak out the window. She knew something that she would never admit because that would mean she was sneaking around to find that kind of information. She was a strong woman, but she was very poor at keeping her know-it-all look from her son. I know this because I inherited it. And she was showing it right down to the arched eyebrows. I was catching her in her own trap.

"Oh, okay then, we are going to do it that way." She said, playing with the ball that I thought was in my court. She finished the last of her cereal, picked up her plate, placed it in the sink, and turned around. I put my fork down. God I was either going to enjoy this or cringe at the fact alone that she knew all along about Sam and me. Our long nights, sweet embraces, strong kisses. Everything.

Suddenly, that look of 'I knew it all' that was cleverly etched on my face turned into 'oh chizz.'

"The first night Sam stayed the night. At least I think it was who knows." She began. I think I knew the night she was referring to. Around two years ago I think. It was Sam's eighth night that she stayed, but the other times she was always up and out before any light came out. As soon as it turned to morning, I would lightly touch her face and she would just leave as quietly as she came, going back into Carly's room. That time however as I was lightly waking her up, she ended up punching me square in the face. I fell off the bed and tried my hardest not to groan out in pain. She mouthed sorry and began changing while I ran to the bathroom. That's when I thought of the whole shower thing. "I heard you fall and cry out, so I rushed to see what was wrong." I shrunk a little in my seat, a little bit mortified that she knew this after so long. "When I got in there, I saw blonde curls escaping out the window. I thought I was imagining it so I left. But it didn't take me long to find out about it, because she was coming here once in a while, even though you two never got along. Even though you thought that I didn't know she was here, but I snuck a peek in one night and saw her. How long did you think you were going to get away with it?" She said, admitting that she indeed knew all along of what Sam and me were doing. Then it all started to make more sense than what I thought could make such sense.

She was becoming so lenient about everything. She didn't care much about what I was doing, only inspected me once a week, and instead of cleaning out my ears every third Friday like she did, she would hand me a q-tip, allowing me to do it myself. I thought it was because I was in college, I was growing up, I was becoming a man. But know I realized it was because she didn't want to anymore. Because of Sam she was making me get in control of my life?

"Is that why you don't give me my check ups anymore?" I couldn't help but ask it.

"Yes and no. I still would like to, but that girl would probably still pick on you like she used to back in high school. I just thought it would be better this way, little by little let you go. Plus, I didn't want to find marks that I shouldn't have found in the first place" She said, a little smile creeping up on her face. I couldn't help but smile a little bit too. She didn't want to accept the fact that I had a relationship. Either that or she didn't want to see the love bites Sam would give me. "The thing I have always been trying to understand is, how did this all happen?" she asked.

"I am honestly just as clueless as you are." I admitted. I didn't want to tell her how and when it happened. I was already a bit uncomfortable that I have admitted to a relationship that I didn't know if she approved about or not.

"I always thought you liked Carly. Was it because she found Griffin, and you just thought you lost any chance of being with her?" I looked at her with a questionable look. She walked toward me her arms folded against her chest, as if she didn't want to ask this question. "Did you get with Sam, because Carly started dating someone else?" I put the fork down.

"You think that the reason I started showing interest in Sam was because Carly had a boyfriend?" I repeated her question, to which she nodded. I scoffed at that, and ran my fingers through my hair. "No!" I said getting up, thinking of how I could defend this, us. "I stopped liking Carly a long time ago. And Sam and me, we just happened. I don't know how, but we did. And I'm happy that we have." I didn't notice it but I was raising my voice, as if that would convince her. But why would I need to convince her? I did love Sam, whether she would like it or not. "Why would you think that mom? You think you raised a guy that just wants-"

"Please Freddie don't say it." My mom had her hands in front of me, her eyes closed. "I guess I was a bit out of line when I said that, but I just don't understand how out of all the girls that you have met, the one that makes you miserable is the one-"

"Sam doesn't make my life miserable, she just likes teasing, and I don't have a problem with it. Why can't you be happy for me? I actually found someone that I can see myself with. I love her." I told her. I figured since it was out in the open, I might as well come to grips with her about my feelings for the blonde headed demon that I couldn't get enough of.

"…And that's the one thing I can never control." She admitted. I saw her approach me and then just walk away a little bit. "I can do a lot of things for you Freddie," She proceeded to the living room, and I followed, a little curious as to what she meant by that. Yeah, there were a ton of things she does for me. "But out of all the things I do for you, I can't do this for you."

"Do what for me?"

"I can't make you love who I want you to love." She told me, taking a seat on the couch. She patted the side on her left and I plopped down, suddenly taking an interest into this. "I never told you this, but your father and I were not supposed to be married. Around the same time I met your dad I was introduced to man that told my parents he wanted to marry me. He was rich, very attractive, everything a woman would practically want in a man." I tried imagining this man. Long, dark and handsome, with wads of cash. Then I tried thinking of my mom, pretty enough to catch the eyes of such a dude. I thought it better not to. It was just too creepy thinking of my mom hot. She was my mom! I was grossed out enough that Lewbert thought her attractive. "Well anyways, he wanted to marry me, and I slowly grew to love him, but I didn't love him enough to want to marry him, even if he was the prince of England, because I was already in love with your father." She said patting my hand. "So in the end I chose love over protection and security. And then your dad, well he left off to Mexico for missionary work and well you know the rest."

I did. She told me what happened. While he was away, helping out, drug bandits came and shot him dead on the spot. He never did anything wrong, he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. At the time mom already had me, I was around two, and his insurance money took care of everything, setting my mom and me up for life. It was hard at first though. She didn't want to move out of the house that they shared their first years together, sell anything that belonged to my dad, but we both knew we had to to make the money last. The payments for the rent was ridiculous to begin with. So in the end, as heartbreaking as it was to sell some of his clothes, the house that he lived in, the couch he loved sitting in, we had to leave, and years later, we settled in Bushwell Plaza where I fell in love with Carly, only to have later fallen even deeper in love with Sam. It was the best decision my mom ever made for me.

"Every time I looked at you I would see your father's face. And it was so hard, believe me, to raise you and you look every bit of your father, because I really did love him. But then it didn't seem so hard, and now, I am just as worried for you as I was back then for your dad. In a motherly way though." She said, her eyes looking on the verge of tears. But she held them back. What a trooper. By now I would have been bawling if I were talking about my wife the way she was talking about her husband. Maybe dad was the emotional one. "And I just want to make sure… you aren't pulling her along. I know what it's like to do that to a person, and trust me it is not at all good." I wanted to tell her it didn't feel good to do that, nor have that be done to you, but I thought against it. Little pieces at a time would be better than throwing a relationship that was supposed to be a secret out in the open.

"I know mom." I reassured her. "I don't think I'll ever do that to anyone." She just nodded, knowing that I was being serious. After a minute of just sitting down I felt the sudden urge to get up. "Well I'm gonna go change and see what Carly's doing." I told her, to which she just smiled, nodding in assurance. I walked up to her, kissed her cheek and thanked her for breakfast. I rummaged through my drawers and pulled out some pants, changed my shirt and headed over to Carly's apartment.

I knocked the door three times, but no one answered.

"Carly? It's Freddie, you home?" All of a sudden I heard a thud, and I opened the door to find Carly on the floor.

"Carly!" I yelled, picking her up from the floor. She came to in about a few minutes of shaking her.

"…Freddie?" she wrapped her hands around my shoulders "Oh my gosh Freddie!" she started sobbing uncontrollably, and I was at a loss for words. What just happened?

"Carly, what is it? What happened?"

Through hiccupped cries, she told me everything. She told me about Jesse coming by, his suspicions, his change of face, the fake party she was going to plan, and I felt my anger rising.

"He wants me to spy on Sam for him. To make sure nothing is happening between you two. He is not at all convinced you two are done." She looked at me while she said that. I was just processing everything she just told me. He had every right to suspect it. We were nowhere near finished, even if he was trying his hardest to stop it. I couldn't stop from thinking that it was his idea, that he convinced her to take him to the airport. And all along I was blaming Sam for that. I felt like such an idiot as well as an asshole for even considering that. "Freddie," I looked up from my thoughts, "nothing is happening between you two is there?" I looked at her worried face, and couldn't say anything. If I told her, she would be more distraught about the whole thing that just happened, because Jesse's suspicions about Sam would be right on target. If I told her nothing happened, I wouldn't be able to do anything about it when that mock party she was planning on throwing to save Sam's (and my own) skin. The question resulted in: who did I want to protect more?

I found myself shaking my head. Right now, at this moment, the one that needed the protection was Carly. Sam was safe for the moment.

"Nothing is going on Carly. But we do have to make Sam see this Jesse that was just here." I explained. Carly did not look convinced at all, but I had to keep it hidden. Until time came to put it out in the open. "I'll help you with the party preparations in case Sam doesn't. We'll just invite a few people, like you said." I picked her up and sat her down on the sofa. "But enough in order for him to believe it Carly. It all revolves around the party. We can expose him there." Carly nodded.

"Yeah you're right Freddie." She turned away and sighed heavily, as if she felt good for sharing this burden. I was glad she told me. "We'll do it together. Before anything happens." She told me. I nodded in approval. "He makes her sound like if she's some sort of property. I've never seen anything like that Freddie." She said, a little bit scared. "How does Sam not see that?" She questioned. I shrugged my shoulders, just as lost as she was. Then I thought about a quote I found in a book, every bit of it truthful at the moment.

"Love can blind us from the reality it gilds." I didn't even look at Carly to know that she understood. Sam was so fucking blind that even I was starting to worry for her.

Can she really be this blind? And if that was the case, why wasn't she ever like that with me?

* * *

A/N: Freddie finds out! And is starting to question a few things of his own. This cannot end well... Or can it? Review telling me what you thought about the chapter as well what you think might happen! It's that little gesture that makes me love writing for you guys!


	12. Momma Knows Best

**Chapter 12: Momma Knows Best**

I woke up in a tiny full size bed, thinking that it was nothing like Carly's or Freddie's. If I were to roll over any time during the night, I probably would have fallen off. But now that I think about it I didn't move at all, even when I thought I would be tossing and turning all night because of everything that was going on. Instead, I think I just had the best sleep that I ever had in a long time. Carly would always hog the sheets like mom did, and Freddie would always hug me, which was fine, but I loved when I would have a comfortable bed all to myself. The goose feather pillow wasn't a bad touch either.

I got up to yawn and stretch while I was still in the bed, and I found myself dragging my feet over to the bathroom. After washing my face, and pulling my hair back, I walked down the stairs to see Melanie already awake, and cooking. That didn't surprise me. She was always a morning person, whereas I would always be sleeping in even if it were a school day.

"Something smells like breakfast." I casually strolled in the kitchen, looking over her shoulder to see what she was making. French toast. Her specialty.

"I'm sure your nose was smelling that since eight in the morning." Melanie smiled, as she was slaving away at the stove for me. Kevin was gone, he left to work early in the morning to both miss the traffic hour and make it to work. Living in the country had its perks, but at the same time, it was indeed a sacrifice.

"The nose may have been awake, but Momma needed her rest." I answered her nonchalantly. Suddenly an all too familiar smell filled my nostrils, and as I took in a whiff I whispered silently to myself, "bacon." Melanie chuckled my one weakness as she put out a plate and paper towels on it to blot out the bacon grease. I looked in disbelief at what she was doing; the grease was the best part!

"Why?" I felt like crying. Melanie just laughed her infectious laughter. She just didn't understand what bacon was to me, if she was going so far as to poke fun at me.

"Oh Sam, it's just a little blotting. It's still the same bacon." She assured me. My look did not change; I still felt as though my heart was pulled in a way that nobody or nothing ever did. She was separating my two loves from one another. But separating the grease did not stop my hungry stomach so either way I grabbed the grease free bacon and sat down. I felt as though it had been forever since I ever ate (which is always) and I hungrily began devouring my plate. Melanie just sat down and I couldn't help but look over to where she was sitting, staring at me. I wanted to yell what but something told me she was going to tell me what she was thinking.

"Oh the eating habits. How I have missed them." She smiled, cupping her own face. I just ignored her observations of nostalgia and continued focusing on my plate.

After breakfast, I asked Melanie if it could take a shower, and she showed me where the towels where and I jumped in, letting the water drip down on my body. I walked out, dried myself off and got ready to leave. Melanie joined me outside. We exchanged smiles, and I still had a hard time seeing her face bigger, her stomach wider, and wondered if I myself would ever be like that.

"Well…I guess…" I started. It was hard telling Melanie goodbye, much like every other person in my life. I was just not one for goodbyes. Melanie got it and hugged me, her arms around me put me in a state of shock, but after a while I found myself hugging her back, and feeling at ease. I think it was something that Melanie didn't expect of me but inwardly I think she was happy either way that I was showing any signs of affection. At least that's what I thought it was.

"I am glad you came to visit Sam. You should come more often." She told me. I simply nodded and as I turned away from her, Melanie grabbed my hand, enclosing it in hers. "I hope you take care Sam. And with everything that you decide on doing-" I lifted my finger up and closed my eyes. I felt so at peace right now, and her reminding me of the life I would have liked to leave behind was ruining it for me. I came like an accident waiting to happen. I was a bubble without a clue as to what I was going to do, and I didn't want to leave the same way. I wanted to leave in peace.

"Don't worry Mel. I think I know what it is that I want." I reassured her, while I tried doing the same for me. Maybe if I told myself enough times, it could come true. Maybe not, but it sure didn't hurt to try. And at the moment, I was willing to try anything to make my life make sense.

"And?" Melanie was curious to know, but I didn't want to go into it or else I would never want to leave. I simply pulled her hand away from mine and placed it on her side, giving her a smile that was as genuine as I could make it out to be.

"And I'll be seeing you soon enough Mel." I told her. She smiled back at me, like she understood the reasons behind me not wanting to share. And she didn't pressure me, which I could not help but mouth the word 'thanks.' As I hopped in the car, I took one last look at the life my sister made for herself. It was not at all what I ever expected, but inwardly, I could see why it was she chose it. Settling was better than nothing. But secretly, if I were given the chance, I don't think I would be able to just settle. I would always be wanting more.

The drive back home was not as long as I had hoped it would be. The road seemed to be passing by so swiftly. Even the traffic I was stuck in seemed to be going fast. Instead of the two hour drive, I felt as though I took only a little over an hour at most. As soon as I came back inside the city walls, I made my way over to the house I was still living with my mom. I parked in my mother's car in the driveway and walked inside the house, only to hear my mother boozing it up and laughing. I didn't know if she was by herself or with someone, but knowing her, she was just alone, enjoying her own company.

"I'm home." I called out into the house with no emotion. This was always the last place I wanted to be at. I dropped the keys into the little plate and walked out into the living room where I heard her laughing and dropped my bag on the floor. When I looked up my breath got caught in my throat, probably from the weight that just hit me.

"Oh Sammy!" Her entire weight pushed against me and instead of being a good daughter and letting her stay that way, I pushed her on the couch. "Well, rude." she said, brushing herself off.

"Joanne, I haven't hugged you since I was a child. What makes you think I'm going to start now?"

"Because we should be celebrating my sweet little Samantha." She said, pinching my left cheek. I swatted off my mother's attempt of an affectionate pinch, and proceeded toward my room, not having any idea as to what she was talking about. Truthfully, I didn't really care. But that didn't stop her from coming inside my room, her drunken smile still on her face.  
"What?" I said, a little annoyed. I didn't want to come home to this dump, especially if I knew that I was going to be followed by her all throughout the house. Her body was resting against the doorway, much like I would when I would go to see Freddie. I couldn't get that thought out of my head now. Fuck.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" she said, a dreamy look on her face.

"Tell you what?" I asked, as I was looking for some clean clothes in my drawers. I felt like changing before I would go over to Carly's. My mother said nothing and just walked inside my room. She had no right to come inside the only place inside this hellhole that I was happy in that was mine alone. So I stopped her, holding my hand out in front of her. "I don't want you in my room. This is the one place that you do not go in."

"Please Sam. You don't tell me where I can or cannot go in, especially since it's in my house."

"Whatever, just get out." I sighed, changing into my white shirt and pulling a spaghetti strap over it. After I went back downstairs to grab my bag and bolt out the door but Joanne stopped me.

"Sam, sit down. I want to celebrate with you." She plopped down on her favorite armchair. I was still confused. She was celebrating without me about something that was I had no idea about. She was doing fine without me, why did she need me now?

"Celebrate what? You got yourself a new boyfriend?" I smiled to myself, making a mental note of the comeback I just made. My mom went through boyfriends the way I would go through food. I saw her pouring a glass of white vodka in a little cup and passed it to me, as she took a swig straight out of the bottle. I looked at the clock that was mounted on the wall and saw that I had time to hear her out, so I went to sit down on the sofa, reaching for the cup she poured me. At the same time I did that, I saw her lay a ring down on the coffee table. My eyes darted straight to the diamond, and I knew right away that I had seen that ring and it's glare before. I didn't know what to say about this. I was speechless. How did she even come across the ring? Unless-

"Jesse came by this morning. He left almost as soon as you got here actually." She explained the reasons behind the ring that was back in my life with a smile on her round face. I'm sure that the look on my face was of utter shock and dread. Jesse came over and told my mom about the proposal, one that I didn't even agree to. What the hell was he thinking? I didn't even say yes to it. Joanne just went on and on with how happy she was for me. I zoned her out. I didn't want to listen to what she had to say because that ring. That fucking ring just destroyed any sense of peace that I received from being away in the country. It brought me back from the little cloud I was floating on. "Personally I don't have any problem with it. I gave him my blessing before he even told me anything. It's just…perfect." She finished telling me taking another swig of her bottle. I just couldn't take my gaze off the ring, its gleam just as deadly as the last time I saw it underneath the moonlight. I held out my own hand and saw no ring on my ring finger… and I liked it that way.

"Samantha? You could at least show a little bit of excitement. God I swear you can't keep everything bottled up like that." Joanne's words tried waking me up.

I was still looking at my hand when suddenly, everything clicked. Like a machine was finally working in my mind. Jesse has made some things that I was always pressured into doing. When we went to the airport, telling me not to talk to Freddie, and now this. I didn't want to think of any of this because I always he had my best intentions at heart. But deep down it was to secure me. To make me his, and no one else's. But this was what made the most sense. He thinks I can be happy with marrying him. But I didn't want to marry Jesse. I really and honestly didn't want to marry him. And I damn sure wasn't going to be forced to, which is what this crazy drunk was trying to do with the way she was looking at me. And maybe even he was, by telling my mom about it.

"I'm not gonna marry him." I finally spoke. I looked straight at her as I said that and saw her prideful face turn stern. I wasn't afraid though, because I was serious when I said that, so I recited it again.

"What the hell are you talking about? You don't want to marry a good man?" her pupils were getting smaller. That convinced me that something was bound to happen. Something that I was not expecting, but I just didn't know what. I stood up, preparing to leave just in case something was going to happen.

"I don't want to marry Jesse. I never said he wasn't a good man. I just don't see myself with him the way I would like to be." I answered, careful with the words I was choosing. It was true; he probably was the best man I would ever come across in my life, because of all we have done, all we've been through. But he is not the man I want, with all his control over me. I was always one with control, and with him, I felt as though my choices were being made for me. Like with Melanie. I see Mel's life and I can't stop thinking if that is the life I would want. Or should I want something more? I'd like to think I deserve more than just someone that loves me, even if it is in the way Jesse is "loving" me. I'd like to think that I should love them in return, something that mom never knew about. She always loved my dad, but his feelings for her were never there, and that was why he left. And she never forgave him for that. Now she thinks that having someone love you the way Jesse loves me is better than having no love at all. She just doesn't understand what love really is. And sadly I don't think she ever will.

Joanne's face remained unchanged, it was still angry sort of. It looked like she was going to hit me like she used to when I was a child. In a flash she was in front of me, grabbed my hand that I had to defend myself with and slapped me right across the face. I don't know if it was because of the unexpectedness of it or the hit alone that made me fall down on the couch, but it was enough to knock me off my feet.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" she yelled. Her hands were coming in from all angles, trying to knock some sense into me. "You are gonna throw this chance away?" She pushed me further against the couch and pummeled me there. "I swear if I have to beat the shit out of you to understand this I fucking will." I tried grabbing her meaty hands but she was too strong for me, and that was a first. She kept coming from every angle, and gave a few good whacks to my head, so hard I could swear I was seeing stars. Finally I caught her right hand in a vice like grip, and pushed her aside from me as I ran toward the door.

"He had every right to suspect you, you little whore!" she screamed at me out the door. Suspect me? Jesse suspects me? The sense of being caught froze me right outside the door. I felt her shuffling feet behind me, grabbing me by the hair, and pulling me back inside the house. I fell backwards into the living room, but regained myself before she would come back at me. There was no point in fighting a drunken person.

"What d'you mean by what you just said?" I questioned her. She had me semi cornered, so I might as well get some information behind those words. I wanted to know how long he knew about Freddie and me. I needed to know.

"You aren't denying it? So then, it is true." She said reaching into her cooler for another beer. The chssst sound made me jump, because I knew guilt was written all over my face. "I knew you would still be with that Freddie kid. You just don't know how to keep your pretty little legs closed huh." She guffawed loudly and stopped midway just to let out a burp. I didn't know whether to be disgusted or scared, but I did feel a little of both. And anger of course.

"He's not a kid. And I haven't been spreading my legs, like you say." I defended him as well as myself. But I knew I had to come clean before she would be beating the truth out of me. "I have been seeing him, and I want to be with him. Because I… I love him." I hated that it took me this long to realize it. But I did. I was able to admit in the middle of a battle. Nothing would stop me from wanting to be with him. I loved the way he smelled, the way he felt against me, inside me when we were together. She didn't say anything, just laughed some more.

"He only wants you because he can't have that Carly girl anymore. Surely you would know that by now. You are always suspicious of everyone around you, he should have been one to suspect off the bat." She told me. I didn't say anything. How dare she even think that of Freddie. He didn't want her. I could tell. Because he told me that he loved me, that he wanted to be with me. Why would he string me along?

"You're fucking ridiculous. I went to him, and he didn't reject me. He wants to be with me just like I want to be with him. Just because you have lived a shitty life you think you have every right to make everyone else as miserable as you."

"You listen you little shit. I aint miserable." I wanted to laugh in her face. Her entire body yelled miserable and depressed. Her being repelled any sense of happiness. "I am happy in ways you don't understand. I have men that want me, will buy me anything and you," she paused, thinking of ways to hurt me. I saw her eyes give me a once over, "you just get it wherever you can from whoever you can. I bet you went to him and gave yourself like a baby hooker. And he like a man just took the tail while he could." I tried holding back from the pain she inflicted. I knew yelling back at her, punching her, doing any harm to her would do no good. But as she said that about me, and about Freddie, something inside me exploded.

"Shut the fuck up!" I yelled at her face, something I never thought I could have the strength to do. She didn't understand what love was. She had no right to judge it. I wanted to attack her face, to strangle her with her own words. I was given another slap, one with such a force it took me down again. She towered over me and I felt myself cringing, expecting another pummel of punches like she did before. Instead there were no punches, there was nothing actually.

"You are just too blind and in love to see it. But you and I both know that's why he is with you. Samantha, you are only second best, and you always will be with that boy." She went back to sipping her beer, sitting back down. I felt like a defiant child who took a beating for being accused of stealing cookies, when I didn't do anything of the sort. I felt like a pawn. I didn't want to feel anything at all by the time she came to tell me what she thought of Freddie. "He's too good for you Sammy. Look where he comes from. Riches; a happy childhood; a mother that suffocates him. You and him are so different in so many ways than just one. It's better to marry someone that has lived the life you have. And what's more important, marry someone that loves you more."

Again, another machine clicked. Mel…

"You pushed that guy away from Melanie, and shoved Kevin in her face." I couldn't believe it. She plated Mel, tricking her into a relationship that was nothing but full of settlements.

"No. But I did tell her who to go with and look at her now. She's happy." She convinced herself. She couldn't do that to me.

"She settled for a happiness that is not at all what she wanted. And I don't want that life either." I told her. I didn't want to live the life that Melanie had. A settlement didn't belong in matters of the heart. That should belong in buying a house, making a deal. Never this.

"You just don't understand Samantha." She told me.

"I understand enough to know what I want."

"And what if he leaves? This Freddie guy can and will find someone else. Someone better. Maybe Carly will break it off with that guy you told me about, comes crying to Freddie. He will seize his chance and leave you." She gave me a scenario that sounded ridiculous to me, but at the same time hit me hard. I didn't want to admit it, but she did have a point. If it never does work out with Griffin, Carly would come back here, with Freddie waiting too I bet. I shook my head. The image of him waiting on hand and foot for her was too visible.

"I have to remain hopeful." I told her as much as I told myself. Hopeful that that can never happen. That he will be with me because he wants me and no one else.

"Or you can just remain with the one that is granting you a life with him." She said, taking the ring off the coffee table and placing it in my palm. I couldn't open my hand. Because it would mean that I was going to consider something that I was so sure about not doing. It would mean I would be back to square one. "You may think I don't know anything about love, but I know more than you know." She said, leaving me alone to my thoughts. After she left me alone in the room, I slowly opened my palm and saw the ring in my palm. Half of me wanted to toss it across the room, and the other half wanted me to put it on, see what it would be like, what it would look like. But I chose neither option, putting it in my pocket and shutting the door to my room.

* * *

A/N: Finally! The last point of view! Trust me this was not an easy one to write, but I hope you liked reading (I actually liked writing this one). And I always love your reviews, they make me happy. :) Until next time. I'll try updating quickly! So stay tuned.


	13. Surprise!

**Chapter 13: Surprise!**

The Shay's apartment was decorated poorly, in Carly's opinion. Streamers and party favors were on the coffee table as well as the regular table, little cups with candy in them. Decorations, poorly hung, were all around the apartment, hanging, twirled around and tied together at the center. Ribbons of red, blue, yellow, green, they surrounded the place, and all the sculptures in the living room. Balloons of all different shapes and sizes looked as if they were tossed inside and left them wherever they landed. Even confetti was sprayed all around the couch. The Banner that hung right on top of the couch read the headline "We'll Miss You Carly" thanks to Freddie and his computer skills. That was the only thing Carly actually admired out of all the decorations. To have done everything in two days time, and also to come in contact with just a few people like Freddie and Carly agreed to would prove to be no simple task for either of them. People were caught a little off guard when they were invited (none of them have heard that Carly was moving in the first place), and even told them it might be possible that they would possibly go, but made no promises. The only ones that agreed to coming were Wendy and her two best friends, Gibby and Tasha, Freddie's mother, and with Socko's convincing, even Spencer was going to attend.

Carly woke up the day of the party early to prepare any last minute errands, and asked Freddie to go buy the cake, who was also awake to help her with anything that she needed. She fixed her empty bedroom, placing all the packed up boxes inside so not to clutter up the living room, which would soon be filled with at least five to ten people. At least that's what she hoped.

She showered thoroughly for an hour, washing her hair with strawberry shampoo, her favorite smelling shampoo in the world. After she dried her hair she fixed her it in a way that yelled chic but at the same time modern, and picked a clingy purple dress that was open from the back. It reached all the way to her knees, and had short sleeves, because of the heat. She put on some makeup, but lightly to show that she was wearing some, but not a lot like many people do sometimes when they go to a party. She picked closed heels that made her look at least two inches taller, and sprayed on a body spray that reminded her of a strawberry field. Everything that smelled like strawberries to her was like a heaven; it was both calming and delicious. She hoped that would calm her nerves from anything that would happen today.

Freddie too was feeling nervous as he brought the cake over to the Shay's apartment; chocolate inside and out with white frosting that read "Good luck in New York Carly." Neither of them said a word as he dropped off the cake and went to shower and get ready. When he put on his pressed shirt, washed out jeans, and his new sneakers that he bought for the occasion just yesterday, he waited for his mom to get ready in the living room. He wasn't paying attention to the channels as he flicked through them, too much was going on his mind. Will the party go okay, or will Jesse make want to start something? Will Jesse even show?

When her mother came out the room in a dress that hugged her figure, he went with her over next door to see that Gibby, Guppy and Tasha were already there, and so was Socko and Spencer. He couldn't hide his smile as he walked across to meet Gibby; it had been forever since he saw him. The last time he saw him was when they were planning that road trip back in their junior year of college. He was pretty tall, taller than Tasha and himself as well. He stayed in Seattle, going to the state college and graduated, and started his own clinic for sports injuries. It was hard to believe that he was actually giving advice on such things, but he was the best in the city at the moment. Tasha graduated and went straight into merchandizing, which was weird; he always took her for a writer/blogger, never merchandizing. They were engaged and soon to be married in the fall. Freddie was glad to know that life was going well for the both of them. Plus, the habit he would have of taking off his shirt was also a nice change. He was doing that less and less now.

Spencer was looking more or less tolerable. He did look thinner; anyone with eyes could see that. And although he was still not ecstatic that Carly was leaving, he was happy that she was doing something that she loves. He brought Carly three different sculptures, one made of chewed bubble gum that looked like a person sitting down and blowing a bubble, another carved out of wood that looked like a penguin pee wee baby, and a third one that reminded both Freddie and Carly of the time when he made the three of them a ten foot tall iCarly award. It was his way of coping, he told them. Carly said that she would take the penguin, knowing that Griffin would like that one the most.

While Carly and Freddie were catching up with their old friends, Sam walked in. Freddie caught his breath, not knowing that for one, she looked stunning, and for two she walked in with her mother right beside her, looking actually just as radiant as her daughter. Of course the fact that she was sober gave her that natural glow. They both were wearing short dresses that showed off their legs, and both of their hairstyles looked alike, curly and bouncy dirty blonde tresses that went past their shoulders. He was excited to see her, but his happiness was cut short when the one that closed the door was Jesse, whose hair was actually short and neat for once, and his raggedy style was actually clean looking. Now he could see why it was Sam would say he reminded him of Freddie. If it wasn't for his different colored eyes or his jet-black hair, he could look just like Freddie, which was a creepy thought. He noticed though that his hazel green eyes never left Sam's figure for a second, as she went around the room introducing her mother and finally going up to Carly and giving her the biggest hug she could give her. It was not surprise, if he had no decency, Freddie himself would've thrown her in the nearest unoccupied room and had his way with her by now. She just looked that good.

The party was going great, people were holding conversations, laughing, joking around. It was intimate enough for all to be happy and not feel out of the loop. Even Jesse was throwing his smile to the people he didn't know until Sam introduced him. Guppy was explaining how Mr. Howard was retiring due to the intense pranks that have been happening to all the teachers (water buckets, tacks on the seats, etc), and also how Mrs. Briggs was going to have her shot to be on American Idol even if it was just to see Randy. Sam recollected the numerous amounts of pranks that she would pull on her and laughter was heard throughout the apartment. The more adult type conversations were towards the kitchen, in which Mrs. Benson, Joanne, Spencer, and even Socko were trying out the wine Jesse bought.

Now came the time when it was time to give out their farewells and good wishes to Carly, much like they did to Sam when it was her birthday. Freddie cleared his throat and as Sam sat her down he began recollecting memories on which he would dive into to express how much he would miss her. He thought about how he saved her life, how he always wanted her to be his girlfriend, but thought better of it, and just focus on the task at hand. Just saying goodbye should be good enough.

"Carly." He began, "I don't know any other way to say I'll miss you so much, because you have always lived across the hall from me. It's hard seeing you leave and at the same it's great to see you make something of yourself when so many out there are stuck, kinda like me." He chuckled, and the rest of the group laughed as well. "You are my best friend in the world, and I think I speak for all of us when I say that we all will miss you, and hope you visit us real soon. With or without Griffin." He raised his cup of Peppy Cola up to her and then brought Sam up. Just by the simple gesture he could feel two sets of eyes burning a hole in the back of his head. Sam, however, seemed oblivious to that, and tried focusing on what she wanted to say.

"Carls," she said, calling her by her favorite nickname. "I don't think I can compete with Fredbag's speech. But you know I was never one for fancy words. All I can say is that I really hate to see you go, probably more than any dork here" She waved her hand around, "but I do know that I will write to you, text you, do everything I can to still have you as my best friend. I promise you that. And I also promise you that no secrets will be between us because I know how much you hate that. So," she raised her glass to signal that she too was reaching her conclusion, "Carly, I hope you have fun out there and get bored so you can come back." Everyone laughed at Sam's joke and drank.

One by one they came, said their speeches and went back down. Gibby expressed his admiration. Tasha praised her sense of style. Guppy called her pretty. Even Mrs. Benson said a few words, and Socko too. To many it was just a highlight to see him there, and for everyone except Spencer, it was the first time they ever heard him speak. After he was done, it was Carly's brother's turn. Spencer got up, only to get back down and just pushed the sculpture that looked like her, only ten feet higher, closer to her and hugged his little sister. She tried fighting back tears as she planted a sweet kiss on his cheek, and he returned by messing up her hair, earning a hard-earned death glare. She worked hard to look pretty and he was messing it up in minutes.

"I'll miss you kiddo." He said softly, making her death glare turn back into a saddened stare. After their little speeches they resumed the party, talking and playing some music to keep the festivities alive. By the time it was seven Wendy appeared and walked around like she was there since the beginning.

"Is there anymore drinks? Momma can't have down her ham without Peppy Cola!" Sam said. She didn't see behind her that Freddie was already walking up to the studio to go get some more drinks for Wendy and the rest of the party.

"There's some in the studio. Go bring a case down would you?" Carly asked her. Sam nodded and before she walked up to the studio she fell back and tugged on Carly's arm.

"Thanks Carly. I was gonna literally shit bricks if you didn't do this." Carly swatted her away, as if to say what were friends for? "No, I mean it. You really saved my ass here."

"It's fine Sam. Just go do what I asked you to please?" Sam didn't need another telling and was soon walking up the stairs.

After a while, Carly noticed that neither Sam nor Freddie was enjoying the festivities because they were nowhere to be found. The last time she saw Freddie was just before the speeches, and Sam still hadn't come back from the Studio with the sodas. It had to have been at least ten minutes if not more since she asked her to go and get some. She saw that Jesse too was starting to look around and see that neither Sam nor Freddie were nowhere to be seen, and when he saw the look on Carly's face he knew something was going on. He made a beeline toward her and stared straight at her.

"Where is she?" he demanded, but in a playful way, to keep his persona up. Carly knew it was just a lie though, and was quick on her feet.

"Bathroom." She quickly lied for her friend. Or maybe it was the truth, she had no way of knowing. Maybe she really needed to pee before getting the drinks down. Jesse began moving toward the bathroom, but Carly pulled him back, "I'll go get her." Jesse just stayed looking at her as she quickly walked up the stairs and proceeded to look for her in the studio.

"Sam-" she stopped right at the door, in a state of shock at what she saw.

Freddie had Sam pressed against the wall, kissing her passionately, as her hands were trailing all over his body. One hand was against the wall, and the other Carly could not see, but she didn't need to be a scientist to know where it might be. The moan that escaped her lips told Carly that what they were doing was more than just a kiss. She had one leg up lifted, for better access no doubt. And her eyes were closed in pure pleasure as he moved slowly inside her. When they heard the door open, she saw Sam open her eyes quickly and watched as Freddie pulled away from her without turning around to see who it was that was staring in disbelief. They didn't know how much their best friend saw but Sam's heavily lidded eyes told her everything. They were both guilty at the events that were taking place. Finally Freddie turned around, breathing a bit unsteadily. He didn't even know how to begin. Sam too, was at a loss for words. She always expected to have Carly find out about them, but not in the moment of their lovemaking. Carly didn't say anything either, but she looked at Sam and held a look on her face that simply said Jesse was looking for her. She saw her straighten up, like if she wasn't having sex right at the moment, like if she was just coming for a drink. She played it off so well even Carly had to think back if what she saw was just a dream or if it was real. Freddie too straightened out (not as good as Sam) and wanted to keep her from leaving but saw her pull away slowly and flew right past Carly, not even bothering to look at her as she went in search of Jesse.

When they were both alone, Carly walked straight up to Freddie and slapped him right across the face. She wanted to do so much more, but for now that was sufficient.

"You lied." She finally spoke, her anger slowly rising.

"I didn't want you to worry. Much like what we're doing for Sam in not telling her about what Jesse told you. Not yet. I was looking for a good time to tell you the truth about-"

"There is a difference!" she cried. "I wasn't having sex with Jesse! Don't you know that he already suspects that something is going on? What's going to happen when he finds out his suspicions are true! That he was right all along to be suspicious over something like this?" she motioned to him with her arms. "You don't think he would take her away from you? From us?"

"She doesn't love him Carly. She told me she loves me." Freddie said defensively. Carly's jaw went slack as his eyes were bright and animated, like if he heard the best news in the world. She gave him another slap. He was in a fantasy that he needed to be awakened from. This was serious chizz.

"And you think that matters to him?" she yelled again. "It doesn't matter one bit to Jesse whether she loves you or not, especially if he still thinks that she still loves _HIM_. You have to think about this Freddie! He doesn't care, because he is still in love with _HER. _He's crazy remember? He is going to propose to her, he wants to marry her." She finally blurted out. Freddie froze, she never told him that, and now she wishes from the very beginning she did. "He wants to marry her. That's why her mother is here, that's why he wanted to come to the party. He wanted to show everyone that she was his and his alone. By proposing to her in front of everyone."

"Well she'll just have to say no. It's not that hard Carly to say no. We say it all the time."

"You think Sam can say no to him? Just like you said she's gilded by love or whatever it was that you said-"

"That's before I thought she was in love with him, but she's not. She told me so herself-"

From down below they heard a commotion and the party guests clamoring. Carly turned pale white and so did Freddie. What could have happened that made their guests scream the way they were? Their conversation had to be put on hold as they ran down the stairs to see Jesse standing on the stairs, Spencer coming from his room with the fire extinguisher, Gibby shirtless alongside Guppy who was also shirtless, and the ten foot iCarly figure up in smoke.

Carly screamed as she went for the fire extinguisher in the kitchen and helped her brother put out the fireball that was spreading all over the mannequin. It was extinguished within minutes. She looked at Sam and then to Spencer.

"What happened?"

"It caught on fire." Spencer guiltily admitted, his head lowered. Carly slapped her forehead, and thanked God that nobody was hurt. Everyone looked a bit scared and thankful at the same time. Scared because the whole building could have caught on fire. Thankful that it didn't. By now she was exhausted, and felt that the whole spectacle of an unintended "fire show" was enough fun for one party, so she handed out cake to any that wanted some and called the party officially over. Jesse looked at her and wanted to concur, but Carly brought her hand up to his face, declaring she was tired. Everyone understood, and took their cake, thanked Carly, wished her well and began to depart. Sam escorted all the guests out as Freddie began to clean around and take off the decorations. Spencer retreated to his long awaited room, falling asleep as soon as his head touched his pillow. Jesse was the last one to go, asking Sam if she was coming along. Sam shook her head, grabbing a trash bag and placing it next to the burnt mannequin.

"I'm gonna help Carly clean up. You know, with the fire and stuff." She said as she was getting the broom to sweep up the debris.

"Then I'll help too." He took the broom away from her and began cleaning. Freddie looked peeved that he was helping. Carly didn't say anything but she gave her a look that told her they needed to talk and Jesse needed to leave. Sam took the hint and took the broom back from Jesse.

"You don't have to help Jesse. Take my mom home, and I'll be going in a little bit."

"No, I want to-"

"Jesse!" Sam yelled. She was getting a little bit annoyed by now. "Take my mom home. She got drunk off your wine, which is weird because she only had to glasses but just do that and I'll get home in a little bit." She repeated. Jesse looked shocked that Sam was raising her voice, but more so that she was acting defiant. Nonetheless he took the hint that he was not welcome with the trio and went out the door, slamming it in the process. She didn't feel bad that she hurt his feelings, because she knew what they were about to talk about was more important than him right now. The question was, how does one start a talk about what they were doing, and one witnessing it?

When the coast was clear, Carly put the trash bag against the wall, and took a deep sigh. There wasn't that big of a mess, it could wait until tomorrow. This, on the other hand couldn't. Sam kept sweeping as Freddie kept cleaning up the ribbons, like there was nothing to talk about. Carly was growing impatient. "Oh Come on!" she grabbed Sam by her hand and plopped her down on the confetti couch and reached for Freddie by the collar and shoved him down on it as well. Little pieces of tissue paper flew everywhere as they fell on the couch, making a little bit more of a mess. She suddenly felt like a parent that was about to scold her children. With the way they were acting, they needed it badly.

"I thought you guys were best friends again, not sleeping with each other again." She turned to face Sam "Since when?"

"Since you left to New York." Sam admitted. Carly looked over to Freddie's face and saw that she was telling the truth because he wasn't denying it.

"Almost three weeks? Three weeks that you guys haven't been telling me about this?" She turned to face Sam who seemed fixated on the confetti on the floor. "And what about Jesse? What happens when he finds out?" She asked Sam. Sam didn't hold that same look that she always had at the mere mention of Jesse's name, Carly could see that instead of admiration it was something else. Something subtler.

"I'm breaking it off with Jesse." She explained to Carly. Freddie reached for her hand and Sam shook it off gently. She felt that being intimate with Freddie at the moment would be a bad idea, no matter how much she wanted to just hold him. Carly for one was probably not used to the idea of them being so close on the couch, and touching each other, even a simple hand to hand touch, would be awkward for them all.

"And then what? Go with Freddie here? When Sam? You still are playing him on a string. If you love someone else you don't do that."

"I'm only going to see him one more time, to break it off okay Carls? I'm gonna tell him that I've been seeing Freddie, no matter what anyone says or does." She told her best friend, who still looked deceived that her friends were still after all this time keeping secrets from her. She looked at them with tearful eyes and sat on the coffee table. "I'm sorry we never told you Carly. We should've but I didn't want you to worry about it. With you moving, I didn't want anymore stress than what you needed-"

"We just felt that it wouldn't matter to you." Freddie interrupted as he looked at Sam. She nodded, expecting him to continue. As he was about to, a tiny sob escaped Carly's mouth.

"Why couldn't you guys just tell me?" she said through watered eyes. "I don't get why you just… didn't…" Freddie got up and hugged her tightly while Sam brushed the strands of hair from her face. How could they begin to tell her that the only reason they didn't tell her was to keep her happy? They have to admit they were selfish with their relationship, but in the end it didn't make any difference whether or not they were together or not, because it was nobody's business but their own. And nobody's happiness but their own.

* * *

A/N: Get ready for a LONG p.o.v from Sam. That's all I can say for the moment. And maybe a small one from Freddie. Or big if you want I'm not picky. I just really need to get the story through and Sam's the perfect specimen (yup I said specimen). Anyways I love you guys, really I do. All your reviews are such a comfort for me that you guys are loving the drama, the angst, and the story so far. I hope you keep reading because I will still be writing. Until next time! :)


	14. Faithfully

**Chapter 14: Faithfully**

I didn't expect the party to turn out the way it did. Hell, I didn't even think a party was going to happen. I got the call from Carly the day before, and I couldn't help but ask how she decided on doing a going away party. It was almost as if she read my mind.

"You told Jesse that we were having one." Oh well, that made sense. "He told me that you told him we were planning a going away party, when he came to tell me you stayed over Melanie's house. And I thought it would be a good idea."

"You don't have to do this Carls," I remember telling her. "I can just tell him that we decided to cancel or-"

"No." Carly stopped me. "I want to do this. Not just for you Sam. I think it's a good way to bring Spencer back home finally and also it would be a good way to say my proper goodbyes. To everyone."

I told her I would come early to help with decorations but she told me everything was already taken care of.

"Just come to the party kind of early okay? I don't know how many people are coming." I assured her I would be one of the very first, and after hanging up on her I went straight to my closet and pulled out my favorite dress. It was a short one piece, a shade of aquamarine blue that made my eyes sparkle and my hair look angelic. I remember wearing it to Mel's bridal shower, how I was the envy of everyone there, and have never worn it since. Because it was pretty, just too pretty. And it would make me feel pretty, but at the same time sexy. It was a toss up I guess. But now that my best friend was leaving, I wasn't going to hold back and be a plain Jane. I'm sure that Carls was going to go all out. And momma wasn't going to be fall behind on that.

On the day of the party (which was earlier today) I made sure I shaved as close to my skin as I could, put curlers in my hair to add even more curls than I already had, and even went as far as to brushing my teeth with water and toothpaste, instead of my usual root beer and toothpaste. I did my makeup very swiftly, just applying my usual foundation and eyeliner with a hint of mascara. I felt like all those times when I was in beauty pageants: hot.

It wasn't until I was ready to head out the door that I heard Joanne's shrill voice coming from the room, telling me to go to her. I went, trudging my feet into the carpet which was sort of hard to do since I was wearing high heels that matched my dress. I walked inside and saw her and my jaw literally dropped to the floor. She was wearing practically the same thing I was! Aside from the color (her dress was black), her dress looked exactly the same as mine, but it looked better on her due to her engorged chest and ass that stuck out like two pillows. Her boyfriends paid for them, and the tummy tuck, liposuction, lips and other surgeries I can't remember. All I can say is she has had her fair share done. And her hair even matched my own, dirty blonde and extremely curly. She was adding the finishing touches; poking her diamond earrings a boyfriend bought her not too long ago into her ear lobes.

"Not leaving without me I hope." She smiled, a genuine smile. I haven't seen one of those since the day she went to an AA meeting that the judge made her go to. She wasn't drunk. Wow, shocker. Other than this day, I don't recall the last time I saw her get ready without a tiny vodka bottle or a glass of wine on the dresser. "I'm almost done, so we can go together."

"Go where together?" I asked her a little confused behind her meaning. Surely she wasn't leaving with me to Carly's?

"To Carly's going away party of course." She grabbed her favorite perfumed and sprayed it all over herself. It was a heavy smell, and it filtered throughout the room, and up my nostrils. I wasn't used to such a smell. She smiled as she looked in her face and figure in the mirror, admiring every part of her body. She looked great, and just like me. Fuck. There was no denying that fact at least. She was my mom after all. After spending a good ten minutes in the mirror, she walked past me and out of her room only to slip inside mine.

"Whoa, what the fuck are you doing in my room?" I asked her as I walked in as well. She didn't say a word, just kept looking through my jewelry box (a present from my grandma), oblivious to me. She then turned to look at me and help out her hand, that godforsaken ring right in the center of her palm.

"Here you go. Jesse wants you to wear it." She said. Her voice might have sounded sweet to anyone else, but to me it was dripping with venom. I didn't say anything, but walked away from her and her deluded fantasy of me marrying the guy. "Samantha Jolene Puckett!" she yelled. Can't say I didn't expect it. Defying my mom was what I would do best. And she hated that.

"I'm not wearing the fucking ring mom." I told her. "I told you before and I'll say it again: I am not gonna marry him." She simply sighed.

"Fine." She said defeated, and turned away to walk back inside her room. It was weird. She wasn't normally one to admit defeat. She would fight tooth and nail with me until she would knock some sense into me. Literally trying to knock some sense into me. But this time she refrained. Was it the non-alcohol in her system that was making her do this? Or was she just not in the mood to fight? Whatever it may have been I was happy that for once in her life, she thought of someone other than herself. But how long that would last, I was not entirely sure of.

There was a soft knock on the door afterwards and I went to get it. I was getting ready to leave, and company for my mom would probably keep her here instead of going along with me. It was a win win for me. As I opened the door, I had to take a double take to recognize who he was. For a second I thought it was my eyes failing me, because he looked like Freddie, short hair, and his style was also similar. In the sense that he looked neat. Upon closer inspection however, I noticed this Freddie impersonator didn't have the dark brown hair that I loved running my fingers through, it was dark jet black. And his light hazel green eyes didn't hold the exact same affection that Freddie's deep brown ones held for me every time I would look into them. But nonetheless Jesse grabbed me in a tight embrace and I found myself returning it, but pulling away gently after a while. He failed to notice it and snuck in for a kiss to which I turned to the side, making him kiss my cheek. Again he failed to notice that I was trying to distance myself away from him, because he simply stared at me.

"Sam, I missed you. How was it with Melanie?" he asked, letting himself in. I followed him as he entered the living room. I sat down on the couch across from the one that he was sitting on. "Did you get everything straightened out that you needed to?" He had one of the biggest smiles he could ever produce. And I smiled back, a bit uncomfortable.

"I really enjoyed the country side. And she is fine." I didn't want to answer the question. Everything was straightened out as I was coming home from Mel's. And he came and fucked everything up by leaving that goddamn ring here with my drunken bitch of a mother. "But I was glad to come home." I told him.

"I knew you would have missed me sooner or later." He got up and sat down next to me, trying to hold my hand. As if on cue I got up and my mom came out of her room.

"Jesse! What a pleasant surprise! Now we can all go to the party together!" Again with the smile. Either there was a reason she was smiling the way she was or again, it was just the lack of alcohol in her system that was making me feel as if I never met this woman before.

The drive over there was quick (thank god for that) and I opened the door to see everyone looking over his or her shoulders to see who it was that arrived. I noticed Freddie straight away; mainly because he was the one I was looking for. When he noticed me, I felt my cheeks get hotter, and my tummy did a somersault. I knew it was a good idea to have worn this dress. Even though my mom looked better in it. It was as if he only had eyes for me, and I him. When Jesse shut the door behind him, I turned away from Freddie, knowing the face he would be pulling when he saw Jesse wouldn't be a good one. But we mingled with everyone. I saw Gibby, Guppy, Tasha, and Jesse was such a good sport to them all as he joined our circle. It made me forget about everything that he had done so far. Instead, I kept thinking that this relationship could be put on the basis of a friendship. We could all be happy. Me, him, and Freddie.

When everyone was giving their speeches I retreated away from both Freddie and Jesse, standing right beside Carly. I hoped my speech spoke more than anyone else's. With her hand enclosed in mine I knew that it did. Either that or she was holding my hand to try to fight back some tears. It didn't matter to me which of the two choices that were going through my head was. Both held their merit for me.

I knew I had to thank her for all this. Even though I know that it was selfish of me to think this, there was a part of me that knew the reason she was doing this was to keep Jesse from thinking anything was going on between Freddie and me. It wasn't just a going away party for her. It was also a party to keep me from any unwanted trouble. Thanking her was the proper thing to do, no matter what kind of manners I was taught, which weren't many. And I told her so. I thanked her even though she felt a thank you was unnecessary, but I think she got it as she looked at my face. I was so in her debt, and because of that, she could ask any favor from me. I would do it without a second thought.

Just like the one where she asked me to get more Peppy Cola's from the studio. What I didn't expect was to find Freddie there, a case already in his hands. I looked through the glass door and slowly opened it and entered just as silently as I shut it closed. I haven't been alone with him in so long that I wasn't going to waste this time now. He didn't notice me until he turned around, staring at me again like he did when I entered the apartment. He had this look in his eyes that was as if he would devour me right then in there. But also it was sad. I knew why too. Because I brought Jesse. He came with me, so that must mean that I was still with him. I wanted to kiss that sadness away from him, among other things.

"Hey." I said, breaking the silence and giving him a small playful smile.

"Hey." He said. When he noticed that I was acting playfully, he gave me a smile that made my knees go weak. Weaker than those that Jesse would give me. He wasn't near me, wasn't touching me, and I already felt hot and wanting him. I felt like I was walking on air as I walked toward him. He put the case down to his side and shoved his hands in his pockets, but I stopped him from doing so, interlacing my fingers with his. He looked straight at me as I did, and I felt those emotions again. The ones that made my mind go blank, and making me blind to everyone but him. The butterflies were fluttering like wild in the pit of my stomach, and I felt as though electricity was circulating in my system, waking every one of my nerves to the simple touches that came from him. I never felt that way with anyone else. Nobody could ever make me feel the way Fredward Benson did, and I was happy for that fact. Suddenly, everything made sense again. That simple gesture of touching my fingers with his own made everything clear as day.

"I'm leaving Jesse tonight. After the party." I reassured him, the words trickling from my mouth out in the open. There was no going back now. Nothing was going to stop me now. With his look encouraging me, it gave me courage to know who I wanted. No poisonous thoughts from my mother were going to change it. "You know as well as I do how hard it is for me to say this…" I cautioned him as I dropped my gaze, hoping he would understand what I was trying to say. I was forever Freddie's; I was never anyone else's, even if I wanted to be. I just couldn't be. He held me in his fists, in his body. I could swallow him up and still be hungering for him. If I went a day or two without him, he would be in my thoughts, and never leave them.

He took the hint that I was trying to give and let go of my hands, bringing them up to touch my face. "Thank you Sam." He slowly bent down and gave me one of the most delicate kisses I ever had from anyone. It was like our first kiss all over again, full of innocence and excitement. As if I was discovering him for the first time. He pulled away and I breathed him in, his smell intoxicating me, numbing me from everything in this world. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled his lips back to mine, tasting him with my tongue. He too began massaging his tongue with mine, and I swear I let out moans that weren't supposed to escape my lips. But I lost control with him. And I loved it.

He started kissing toward my neck and I shut my eyes as his hands roamed throughout my body. He would focus on my ass, my small breasts, cupping them and feeling them through the aquamarine fabric. I wanted all of him. I needed him so badly. It felt like ages since we touched like this. He needed this as much as I did. I could feel the urgency in his body. He came up again and kissed me deeper, as I felt my legs wrap around him, feeling him so close without penetrating me. He pushed me against the wall and steadied me there, and he pulled the strap off from my left side to kiss my collarbone. I felt one hand letting go of me and saw he had it up as if to steady himself. The other hand went straight towards my core. I jumped at the invasion of my inner legs and was amazed at how he was reaching for me when my legs were stuck to him like glue. He played with me through my thong, and I wanted him to pull them off and push himself inside me.

I dropped my legs to the ground as he kept pushing deeper and deeper, circling his thumb against my clit. I felt myself getting wetter and wetter as he did so. I gasped as quietly as I could, knowing we should have stopped a century ago. Anyone could come and see us. They could catch us in our moment of passion. But Freddie's constant teasing pulled me away from that fear, and as I felt for him and pulled him out, I couldn't care less. It could have been Jesse that would fall witness to our reckless lovemaking for all I care. There was no going back. Freddie pushed himself inside me and I closed my eyes in ecstasy. He moved in and out of me that was further driving me into insanity.

"I love you," I whispered to myself. But as he froze, I knew he heard it too. I opened my eyes and he looked straight at me, staring in disbelief, as if he couldn't believe I said it. But as I stared back at him, panting in the process, he knew. His eyes were interlocked with my blue ones, and I didn't turn away. I saw that passionate stare and waited for him to deliver his own line.

"I love you." Those three little words cemented what four years of sex, hurt, kisses, and admiration one held for the other. What we went through for each other. But most of all, it cemented what we felt for each other. I felt him go out and in again, resuming what we started and then I closed my eyes again. He kissed me again calmly as he moaned into my mouth. I wanted him to go deeper, so I lifted up my leg, wrapping it somewhat around his hip as he tried getting in deeper. I let out a soft moan of my own and began roaming my hands around his body. I was so close to the edge…

The door that opened awoke me from my desires, from Freddie. I pushed him off quickly, hoping Carly wouldn't notice what just happened. I gave her such little credit. I could play off a ton of shit, but this was too obvious. She must have known by the way I was panting, the way he was trying to straighten himself up. Not to mention the pungent smell of sex. It killed me to have had her find out this way, and worse when she didn't say anything. But what could she say? I would be in shock too if I were to find my two best friends up in my studio fucking. She didn't need to say anything really. Her look said more than any words out of her mouth could say. I darted right past her, even though Freddie wanted me to stay. I couldn't do that. I didn't know why but I felt embarrassed that Carly just found out something that we should have told her years ago. And right now, all I wanted to do was straighten up and get away from her.

As I walked out the room I tried looking for a mirror to see if I didn't look like I was just upstairs having sex with the man I was in love with. I had to see and make sure it wasn't that obvious. I stole a glance in the mirror in the hallway that Spencer put in made of aluminum, with lights all around it. It wasn't noticeable. I looked like I did when I came to the party, just my makeup was a little smeared and my hair lost some bounce. But other than that, I looked exactly the same. After I straightened out my face and hair, I marched down the stairs to see Jesse, who was ready to go up the stairs. I knew then that Carly stopped him from going. She volunteered to go find me, when it was Jesse that wanted to go. Another favor no doubt that I would have to repay.

"Good, come here and give me your hand." He reached for my hand and walked down the stairs with me. I was a little bit confused. What was the rush? The party girl was upstairs, not down here with the rest of us. "I found her everybody." Everyone was staring at us. My mom raised her glass up to me. I was so confused. What was going on? Jesse turned to me and stared straight at me, but I couldn't look back at him. But that didn't stop him from what he was about to do. He came close and I felt her breath, making my hairs stand on end.

"Sam, I want to show everyone in this room how much I love you." He whispered in my ear. Suddenly my stomach felt as though it turned to stone. What the fuck could he possibly mean by that? I saw his hands go into his pocket and automatically I thought the ring. That fucking evil ass ring was going to show its ugly face here in front of all these people, in front of all of my friends that were like family to me. "Samantha Jolene Puckett," he began. Oh dear God, now it made sense as to why my mom came with us. Why she looked for the ring and then didn't fight me. Because she knew that if she failed to have made me wear it, Jesse would try here, at the party. "I want you to make me the happiest man…" I held my breath and closed my eyes, shutting him out of my mind. This was a dream. This had to have been a fucking dream. I was still upstairs, asleep in Freddie's arms because we just made love…

"FIRE!" I heard the angelic voice of Spencer say. My eyes shot open and straight to the model figure that was supposed to look like Carly go up in smoke. As everyone was clamoring and fearing for their lives, I was inwardly thanking whichever God was out there that spontaneously combusted this mannequin. He saved me in ways I could not imagine. Saved me from humiliation, embarrassment, and publicly breaking someone's heart. I saw Carly come down and Freddie right behind her. I then looked at Spencer as he told his baby sister what happened after they teamed up to put out the Carly-giant. And as I shooed out the guests after serving them a piece of cake, I sat down and let Carly grill Freddie and me. I expected her to yell at me until sunrise. Instead she just sat down on the coffee table and let the tears come down. Anger I could handle from a best friend. But tears just made me feel like shit.

As I saw the tears streaming down my best friend's face, I felt as though I was undeserving to have a friend like her. No, scratch that. I _didn't_ deserve a best friend like her. I have done too much to her and yet I still wish I could take it all back. I made her have a party just to save my ass. I copied from her every chance I could get in school. Stole food from her kitchen. Slept over her house; I even borrowed some of her clothes. And I kept a secret from her, when earlier I promised I would never do such a thing like that. I saw Freddie staring at me as he was holding her close to his chest, consoling her, and I too went to her side and pushed her shiny brown hair away from her face. Her hair was always something I could be envious of, it was always healthy looking and shiny too. I didn't know what else to do, because she was practically engulfed by Freddie's body. I couldn't help but think if when he held me, I was that small in comparison too.

We stayed with her until almost midnight, cleaning up and explaining. Freddie talked more than I did. I was zoning out, focusing on what I had to do as soon as I was done helping them clean up. I said my goodbye to Carly as Freddie walked me over the elevator. I gave him another smile and kissed him goodnight as I waited for the elevator to take me down. He didn't want me to go; I could see it in his eyes that he wanted to finish what we started, but he and I both knew that I had to finish something that should have been finished a while back. He shoved his hands in his pockets and I gave him the same smile I did when we were up inside the studio. I knew it would drive him crazy.

When I stepped out of the apartment building, I saw someone standing there. I noticed right away who it was.

"Jesse. Where's my mom?" I asked him. He didn't say anything. "What's wrong?" I couldn't help but ask. His face looked hurt and at the same time a little angry.

"She told me…" he said, his voice somewhat cracked.

"Told you what?" I said.

"Is it true?" he looked straight at me with eyes that looked borderline crazy now. I took a few steps back as a precaution.

"Is what true?" I asked calmly. He was acting like my mom used to when she was drunk: he wasn't making any sense. I couldn't read what a drunken person is thinking of. They could be thinking of pizza for all I know.

"You…fuckin' slut. YOU KNOW!" He answered. I froze. He never called me anything like that before. I never saw any other emotion from him aside from happiness.

"Know what?" I said. But somewhere, deep down in the back of my mind I knew. He was alone with my mother, who was somewhat drunk. I mentally slapped myself. She must have told him everything. About how I was seeing Freddie behind his back, how I didn't want to marry him. I know she told him everything or else he wouldn't be confronting me this way. He wouldn't say fuck in front of me. Not to my face at least.

"You and Freddie." He said in disbelief. "I thought you wanted to marry me Samantha." I tried to avoid pitying him, as he let go of some horrible sobs. But he looked like he needed it. He needed every ounce of pity I could give him. But that would further hurt him. It told him that there was still a feeling for him there. There was, but not the one that he wanted. He wanted me to love him, when all this time I couldn't even do that. But I didn't want to be heartless. I went to touch him, and he slapped my hand away. I was caught off guard with that little angry swat. Hell, I was caught off guard by his whole character at the moment.

"Don't fucking touch me!" he yelled. I raised my hands as if to say all right, I won't touch you. But his eyes still let the tears stream down his cheeks. "You fucking whore!" He screamed every profanity that he could muster. I didn't blame him. I was a whore, a two timing bitch in heat. I was a cunt that never got enough. I was every vulgarity that was spilling from his mouth out into the open. And I didn't stop him. I just let him keep going. Until he didn't say anything else did I feel as though I should say something. But even then I couldn't think of anything else to say except…

"I'm sorry." Those two little words was the only thing that could express everything that I was feeling for him. For stringing him along all this time as I was confused with my own feelings. I wanted to tell him that I did picture a life with him; I'm not going to lie, because I did. But not one that I knew I would be happy in. It was a life that I would have settled for, not thrive for like what I wanted with Freddie. "There's not much else to say except I'm sorry."

"I thought you loved me Samantha." He said as his arms extended in front of his body, as if he expected me to hand him something. But what could I possibly give him without giving him the wrong idea? If I hugged him close to me he would still want picture a chance. If I just touched him I bet he would think that as well. So I didn't. I didn't go in his arms, and he dropped them in defeat. "You know he won't love you like I do." He tried tricking me, his face still angry but with tears wetting his cheeks. I couldn't help but think that he looked like such a little boy. He wanted to punish me for punishing him. "I love you even if you did this to me. I still do. I'll forget all about it in the sense that we continue, just don't…" he choked back another sob, "…don't say its over Sam. Please..." He begged me. It was because of me that he looked that way: utterly helpless and lost. I was guilty of everything he was feeling. I was the poison in his veins that he had overdosed on. I didn't want to tell him that I never loved him. I did, just not in the way he wished I did. I just hoped he could see it the way I did. That since this was not going to work out; we could have something else instead. We could still be friends. We could still call on each other for help if we needed it. But even that was asking for too much. I have done so much damage to him that he couldn't possibly think of forgiving me of. And again, I didn't blame him.

"I'm sorry." I repeated. That wasn't what he wanted to hear. He wanted me to tell him yes, to tell him that I would accept him because he forgave me for everything. But I couldn't do that to him. When I didn't do what he wanted, he just looked at me one last time at my stern face and simply departed. Not saying anything to me anymore. There were no more whores and fuck yous. No more thoughts of love. He just left me stranded there in my own shadow under the light of the lampposts. I didn't go after him as he left me there to my own thoughts. Selfishly, the only thing going through my mind was that I was free. I was free from a relationship that should never have happened in the first place. I was free to be with Freddie, the one I was strongly in love with.

I couldn't help but lift my head toward the black midnight sky and breathe in a sigh of relief.

* * *

A/N: Well here is the longest chapter I have ever written. I don't even think my Oneshots are as long as this. But I wanted to give the back story as to why Sam's dear old mother went to the party (yay for the sober!), and what happened between Sam and Freddie in the room upstairs, not to mention I haven't written a lemon in a while in this story. So for all you lemon lovers, this one goes out to ya'll :P

Plus, the entire reason I decided to write this: to break up Jesse and Sam. You all knew it was coming, so I figured it was about time. This does not mean that the end is near though, or maybe it is. Who knows what will come to mind, like what new obstacle will find its way into the story. Or not. And Yes I know, Jesse sounds pathetic, but believe me when I say I have seen men like this. One of them was actually a boyfriend of mine. (NOTE: I didn't cheat. I just didn't want to be with him anymore. Let's just say he didn't take the breakup well).

Well that's enough for today and hope you guys enjoyed it, because I sure did enjoy writing it. Now Seddie can be together! Or can they? Guess you'll find out with the next chapter! Until next time! :)


	15. Wanna Be Starting Something

**Chapter 15: Wanna Be Starting Something**

After we consoled Carly for a few minutes, we seemed to have gone back into a semi-normal routine. Like if no truths were exposed. There were still some questions that Carly wanted answers to which I was happy to have given her. But I couldn't help but notice that she was trying to see what Sam had to say about some of the things she was asking. It's like she expected a response more from her than from me. That girl wave length between them was damaged indeed, because Sam could still read Carly like a book and it looked like Carly was having a hard time trying to figure out what she was thinking about.

"I was happy to have seen Gibby and Tasha weren't you?" she asked us. I turned my head in her direction and replied.

"Yeah, but to tell ya the truth I was expecting her to have been pregnant by now don't you think Sam? Sam?" I looked over my shoulder and saw that she simply nodded, but I don't even think she knew what we were talking about. Carly tried to show that she wasn't affected by this, but deep down I knew that she was. But there was nothing I could do, or she could do. Sam was in her own little world. She would turn to us and answer simply, going back to cleaning, which was so… unlike her. Not that I didn't like it, but I knew she must have had a lot of things going through her mind to have actually want to clean rather than just be lazy. And I knew there must have been.

Right off the bat the one thing that she was thinking of was Jesse. What she needed to have done weeks ago was just around the corner. Finally she was going to come back to me. I ended up biting my lip with so much anticipation that everything was going to go back to the way it was before. We can finally have our summer together. And enjoy it.

I always tried to catch her attention but something about being around Carly was pulling her from being the Sam I knew when we were alone. But it made sense. For one, by the way Carly kept looking from me to her was in a sense, awkward. It was almost as if she still was finding it hard to believe that I loved her as much as Sam loved me. Hopefully with time, that sense of awkwardness would dissipate quickly. Actually the sooner the better for all of us so we could all go back to the way we were.

When everything was cleared up in the house (or the biggest chunks of it at least), both Sam and I departed from Carly's watchful eyes with a goodnight. As we closed the door I wanted to touch Sam with an intensity that I cannot even qualify as normal. All the times we actually got 'together' if you catch my drift, we would always finish. There would never be any interruptions as I kissed her swollen lips, as I was bringing myself over the edge for her. Our appetites were always satiated. And we both knew that we needed that sense of release. But this time, as we needed that release, and I hoped now would be a good time.

But as I walked Sam out into the elevator and kissed her goodnight, I knew that she wouldn't stay here with me. I honestly didn't care by now that she was still with that guy, because she finally gave me the hope that I had been waiting for all these years.

She finally admitted to me that she was in love with me, just like I was in love with her. As she entered the elevator and turned her head and gave me that same sexual smile she gave me in the studio, I wanted to jump in that elevator with her and wipe it off. I wanted to pin her against the wall, as I would thrust up inside her. Fuck it; I just wanted all of her. But I stopped and suppressed all urges and didn't go inside the elevator, just waved goodnight as she still smiled, offering more than just a goodnight kiss. I think that was the hardest thing I could have ever done. When the doors closed I let out a quiet sigh and walked inside my apartment. It was midnight and the lights were still on, meaning one thing: my mom was waiting up on me. True enough I saw her come out of the bathroom in a robe and some sort of green mask on. What women do to stay pretty.

"Oh, Freddie." She said, happy to have seen me (and only me) stroll into the apartment building. She brought her hands up to her face as if one hand would cover her face. "Everything cleaned up over there with Carly?" she asked me.

"Pretty much, just need to take out the trash in the morning, but I'm sure that with Spencer being back, he can handle that at least since he didn't help us clean." As soon as everyone was gone, he called it a night and fell asleep instantly.

"Well there was a message on the phone for you while we were over at Carly's going away party. From someone in Boston." She told me. I started to wonder which one of my friends was going to ask me to go over during the summer, so I went straight to the machine and played back the message. What I didn't expect was that it wasn't a friend of mine calling, but someone much older, offering me an opportunity of a lifetime so to speak.

"_Hello, this is Andrew Cavenshire, the head of the department of Technology United located here in Boston Massachusetts. I am looking for Fredward Benson to offer him a position in our company under the recommendation of one of his professors, if you could call us back at 1(800)-756-2314 to schedule an appointment with one of our secretaries we would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for your time and hoping to hear from you soon."_

Click.

When I rewound the message two more times, my mind was racing the entire time. This was the one department that I was looking forward to since my professor for computer programming told me of it. They had the most advanced technology and they also had processors that have never crashed. Hackers to this day are still trying to break into their programs and none have succeeded. Even I tried and failed miserably. But that just made me want to work with them more. It was the hardest department in Massachusetts to get into! I swear I think the only happiest time I had was when I found out bad boy Griffin was a Pee Wee Baby collector! I reached for the phone to call them back and realized they would be closed right now. But my excitement was ignoring the time! This was unbelievable! I finally have the chance to get everything right in my life! I could possibly end up working for them! How can this night get any better!

"Freddie? Who was it?" she asked me, her face green-mask free. I didn't contain my excitement from her as I ran up and hugged her, earning a tiny shriek escape from her mouth.

"It was the guys of Technology United! These guys have the strongest technological programming techniques! It's the call that my professor helped me with!" If Sam were here she would have told me to stop acting like such a girl, which I was acting that way but I didn't care! Nothing was mattering to me at the moment because everything was finally going right!  
Carly knew about a secret that Sam and I kept in hiding for over three years. Sam was breaking it off with Jesse to be with me. And now Tech U. was within my reach. I had to plan quickly and buy a ticket to go back. Better yet, I'll buy two tickets so Sam can come with me and see Boston.

"Well I'm happy for you Freddie." She said as I put her down. For some odd reason she sounded tired. "Where will the interview be taking place at?" I lifted my hands up in excitement.

"BOSTON!" I yelled, but loud enough for her ears only. The smile came and went as soon as I let that name out of my mouth. "What is it?" I said, a little concern in my voice. I didn't understand how her face could go from glowing to gloomy in one second flat. How could this in any way be bad news?

"Freddie, will that mean that you will have to work over there? Or can you get an office here?" she asked hopefully. I rubbed the back of my neck.

"I think they are going to want me to work with them over there. They may be a strong company but they are only recognized in Boston." I explained. I could tell by the way that she was staring at me with her solemn eyes that mom wasn't thinking about her sake. But someone else's. I hadn't thought about what Sam would think about possibly moving to Boston. But Boston was such a pretty place, Sam would fit in perfectly I bet, if she wanted to move over there. At least, I hope she can.

"Freddie, I'm not saying you shouldn't go to this interview, but I think you should also talk to Sam about this as well. Who knows if she even wants to go and move away from here." She advised me. "But you know what? We'll discuss all this in the morning. It's late and I am a little tired so..." She leaned in and I let her kiss my cheek goodnight, something I haven't let her done in such a long time. Maybe it was because I needed the consolation that she was giving me.

I was thinking about Sam. Just not the way that I needed to. My mom had a point: I needed to talk with her about this. But it was all in good sacrifice to go onto this interview. It was one step closer to being that which would happen eventually: being together, marriage, kids, and ultimately being happy with each other. I knew that once I would tell her about it she would hop alongside me, ready for all the things to come.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the late update (and for it being so short) but with the fireworks approaching fast I didn't want to leave you guys with anything, but I didn't want to go into much detail as to what will happen next. The story must go on and the next chapter will be it's appropriate length again.

Have a happy Fourth of July! Spend it with Family and Friends dear to you! And until next time. :)


	16. Take Me or Leave Me

**Chapter 16: Take Me or Leave Me**

The following morning Sam woke up from the one of the most peaceful, relaxing sleeps she ever had in her life. As soon as she broke things off with Jesse, she walked all the way home and laid on her bed, instantly falling asleep. There was no remorse, no pain etching through her skin. On the contrary it was sizzling, waiting to be touched by another set of hands that she has gone too long without. It was like this day drained her, and with just one night of sleep she felt completely rejuvenated. She felt completely and utterly in need of something (or someone) to hold her, and never let her go. And above all, everything in the world was finally making sense. That, more than anything made her smile as soon as she awoke. She got up, brushed her hair, picked out some clean clothes from the floor and hopped out the window, excited to reach the Bushwell Plaza apartment buildings. She was even more excited than if she were to get in line for getting free Cuttlefish concert tickets.

She walked into the elevator and impatiently pushed the button. It was going slower than any other day she could remember. She breathed in silently, closing her eyes to calm herself down. She was within his reach, but felt as though she was thousands of miles away. She really wanted to see Freddie and be with him, and it was normal to want to be with him now. At least that is what she told herself.

When the elevator doors opened she found herself rushing toward his apartment and knocking loudly. Why was he taking so long to open the door?

"Come on, open up!" She yelled pounding on it again. When the door opened she wanted to rush into his arms but stopped when she saw that it was Mrs. Benson that opened the door, not her adorable dork. "Hey Mrs. B." she said nonchalantly, as she strolled in, not even bothering to ask for permission. Mrs. Benson didn't say anything as she closed the door behind her and walked into the kitchen. Sam walked into the living room and stayed there, unsure whether or not she should ask for permission to go spend time with Freddie. Coming inside her home was one thing, going into her son's room was quite another thing.

"I was just fixing some breakfast for my Freddie." She said, putting a bit more of an emphasis on the word 'my.' Sam didn't notice that she did and just thought it would make everything less awkward if she joined her in the kitchen, the sweet smell of cooking filling her nostrils and making her stomach growl.

"Speaking of the nub," she said, "sorry old habits." She looked at Mrs. Benson raise her eyebrows at the blonde that called her son a nub. Yup, she knew it was going to be awkward, no matter where she was going to be in this apartment. "Where is Freddie?" Sam corrected herself adding a little sarcasm along side her question.

"He's in his room." She said over her shoulder. "You can go in if you like" she spoke softly as she motioned her finger towards his door, and then turned around to resume her cooking. Sam was caught off guard that his mom would actually give her the okay to go into her son's room. He was her whole life, and she was letting her in. But either way Sam thought nothing of it and nodded; leaving the delicious smelling food to go into the bedroom that she always loved going into.

When she opened the door, she saw Freddie on his computer, looking at something that had prices on it. But her focus was strayed. As strange as it sounded, she only could keep her eyes on him. She stared at his long neck, the way his hands moved along the keyboard, the sinews that traced up on arms and into his t-shirt. She hadn't been with him in so long; those hands that she loved so much when he would grab her, pull her closer, and never let her go without that sad look on his face. But most of all, she couldn't keep her eyes off his lips, tight lipped as his deep brown eyes stayed concentrated on his screen. He seemed really into what he was doing as Sam slipped inside his room very silently, unaware that the door opened and she stayed there, pressing it lightly back to how it was before.

"Hey dork. What ya doin?" Sam said as she walked inside his room. Freddie quickly turned from the screen, hearing her voice and saw her as she closed his door, that same devious smile from last night creeping up her face. He too smiled and turned off the monitor to his computer and got up to wrap his arms around her and kiss her seductively. She breathed him in as he did so, remembering how he would always do this when he went so long without seeing her. She grabbed him tighter but he pulled away from her slowly, leaning his forehead against hers as she slowly tugged at his shirt, motioning that she wanted him to take it off. Instead of complying with her demands, he brought his hands up to his collar to calm her own small ones, enclosing them in his big ones and kissing them. Sam leaned back against the door and wished he would continue touching her, or kissing her. She wanted something from him, anything.

"Not now Sam. My mom is home." He explained. She gave him a pouty look that he just wanted to wipe off with his kisses and so much more. She pulled herself from the door and walked around his room.

"I forgot that your mom doesn't know about us." She giggled adorably, and Freddie felt himself blush. He didn't know that she could act like such a girly girl, but here she was, like a young girl in love and in the open. It was, in sense refreshing. Like there were no secrets within her. And he wanted no secrets between them either. So Freddie pulled a bit away, ready to let her in on a secret that his mother kept from both of them for so long.

"Actually she's known about us for a while." Freddie explained. When Sam shot him a confused look he continued, a look of guilt on his face. But he didn't really know why. "She saw you in my room a while back. She put two and two together." He told her. Sam felt her cheeks begin to redden. She didn't think that Freddie's mom would know about them. And now, it was revealed that she was in on the loop of their secret affairs without letting any of them know about it. Well, without letting her learn about it.

"Like how long ago?" she asked.

"Since sophomore year." He admitted. She didn't look mad, but rather she looked surprised. Then out of nowhere he heard her let out a stifled laugh. "What is it?" he said, catching her laughter with a short chuckle himself. It was contagious to see her this happy. She was in a state of bliss, and on top of that, she seemed serenely at peace with everything going on around her.

"I always thought she caught me that one day. But I always thought I was too stealthy for her. Looks like I was wrong." She said, walking towards his bed, and sitting down. She eyed him and patted the side of the bed for him to sit beside her but Freddie instead grabbed his computer chair and sat down there hunching himself forward so that he was making eye contact with her. Sam looked offended, but with a playful smile on her face. "What the hell Fredlumps?" she said, getting up and walking up to him, more emphasis on the sway of her hips.

"My mom is outside in that room." He whispered, his hands put together and pointing toward the door. "If I sit down next to you, believe me when I say I won't have the restraint to not kiss you," he paused and gave her a once over, "among other things." But Sam wouldn't take no for an answer. He sat back on his chair, as she was getting closer to him. Sam's smile that he loved so much returned and she climbed on top of him. She fit perfectly as she slid down, just like his hands did as he placed them on both sides of her hips to keep her steady so she wouldn't accidently fall off.

"Well, what's wrong with that?" she whispered softly back to him as her hands slowly touched his hair and neck, making the goose bumps rise on the back of his head. "She still doesn't think her Freddie dear is a virgin does she?" she silently kissed the nape of his neck, making him close his eyes in delight. When she brought her lips up to his own, he felt a pressure begin to rise in his lower regions. God, she could turn him on in an instant. He gently grabbed her and kissed her lips, opening his mouth to let his tongue press against her lips, begging for entrance into her own. She obliged, letting his tongue roam all around as she too explored his own mouth with her tongue. She pulled away from him and he took this opportunity to kiss down her throat, stopping at her collarbone to bite it and lick it sensually. Sam felt her core begin to become damp and she felt her body react quickly to him.

She let her hands roam around his hair, massaging his scalp as he continued to nibble on her sweet spot, closing her eyes as if she was being loved in a dream. But she wasn't, she was being loved in real life, where he was hers and she was his.

"Freddie…" she spoke his name so sensually, that Freddie pulled away and saw her blue heavily lidded eyes stare straight at his own brown ones, filled with the same passion that she possessed. His hands slithered under her shirt, tracing little shapes among her stomach that made Sam give a short and silent giggle, but all at the same time it sounded oh so sexy to Freddie's ears.

"FREDDIE!" Mrs. Benson's voice rang through out the apartment that Sam and Freddie pulled away from each other and backed away to the other sides of the room; Sam against the closet door and Freddie in his chair by the bathroom door. "Breakfast!" she made both lovers reach a panic of being caught (something that was all too familiar) and take a deep breath in reassurance that she was not going to come in. After a quick breath, Freddie got up from his chair to calm himself from the tiny shock that overcame him just a moment ago and approached the blonde headed beauty that was waiting for him to come to her. He was so predictable, she thought.

"Wanna go eat?" Freddie asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"Momma gets dibs on the bacon." She said as she opened the door and rushed to the kitchen, where Mrs. Benson served two plates full of food and placed them on the table.

"Sam, won't you join us?" she said as she pulled out another plate. Sam eyed her suspiciously. At first, being in front of the woman that knew all about what she and her son were doing all this time made Sam feel more than uncomfortable, but the food looked delicious, smelled delectable, and the tension she thought she was going to feel from this situation faded almost as soon as it appeared. She began eating as appropriately as she thought she could, but the look on Mrs. Benson's face told her that she was not doing such a good job at it. She looked down on her plate and saw that her food was sprawled everywhere. Pieces of eggs were on the edge of the table, and when she touched her cheek, she felt a piece of bacon. But everything was so good, and having a home cooked meal was rare for her. Plus, manners at the table were never her forte. But after a while, she would look up and see Mrs. Benson eating her own food, ignoring the mess she was making. By the time Sam began devouring her pancakes, Mrs. Benson turned to her son and started talking to him.

"So did you manage to get the tickets?" she asked him. Freddie eyed her and shot a quick look at Sam as well.

"Yeah." He answered shortly. When he didn't go on, Sam couldn't help but wonder what kind of tickets he was talking about.

"What tickets?" she asked, placing another morsel of Mrs. Benson's cooking into her mouth. Freddie took a big gulp from his mother's organic freshly squeezed orange juice and placed it back down, clearing his throat.

"Tickets to Boston." He said, without looking at her. At first, he pictured her confused face, possibly knowing that she would not understand why he would want tickets to go to Boston. Then, he thought that she would have an angry face and demand why he needed tickets to go to Boston. He hoped it when he would get the chance to explain everything, it would be the first one and not the latter.

"You see, Freddie here got a call from a company up in Boston," his mom began explaining, much to his dismay "and he needs to go up for an interview, which he is bound to get because he worked hard all through school. He deserves this chance." She finished, reaching over and lightly patting his hand. Freddie turned to his mom, wishing she didn't say anything about this, but now it was all out in the open. But he knew why she would say anything about it: she was proud of her son, but this could have possibly been the worst way to show it. As soon as Sam slammed the silverware in her hands on the plate making his mother and him jump, he knew this was not good news to her ears, no matter how happy his mother would be.

"Boston?" Sam said through clenched teeth. "A fucking company in Boston?"

"Sam, let's talk about this." He tried reasoning, trying to make her not make a scene in front of his mom.

"Yeah Fredbag, lets." She insulted him. "When the hell were you going to tell me about this chizz?"

"Freddie…" his mother began.

"Wait a minute there Marissa." Sam cut her off. "This is about me and your lump of a son." She said.

"Sam, I know this doesn't seem like a good idea to you but-"

"Mom, don't." This time Freddie stopped her. He knew his mom had nothing to do with this fight. Not to mention she was no match for the wrath that was Samantha Puckett. He went to Sam and quietly asked her to go out into the hallway. She looked rampant, but he knew how to tame her. With calming words, reassuring kisses, soft touches. But that was if she would let him get near enough to touch her. She pulled away from him but did as he wished, walking out towards the door, so they could have some privacy.

"And here I thought all the secrets were done once you told me about your mom knowing about us. What else don't I know about you Freddifer? You have a dog somewhere locked in your closet? Secret girlfriend? Or maybe even a love child?" Sarcastic insult after insult she was throwing at him, but his strong outer shell made him immune to all that and more.

"I just got the call yesterday Sam. I was gonna tell you today, once everything got finalized with the tickets and other stuff." He told her. He saw the way she was taking everything in, how her look of panic was slowly fading, and a look of remorse started appearing. She hated how she would always jump to assumptions, and here she was, all her suspicions gone awry. Freddie brought her into his arms and cradled her, not caring that she wasn't returning the hug. She always wanted to act tough, he thought, but inwardly he knew that she was nothing more than a scared child. "I want you to come with me." He said, inhaling her smell of lavenders and bacon grease.

"What are you talking about Freddie?" she said. Leaving to Boston, a place she has never set foot in was something to which she was not comfortable with. "Leaving Seattle? Like Carly?" Automatically her thoughts went to everyone here: Spencer, Melanie, even her mother. Sure, it was not that many people that they were going to leave behind, but nonetheless, those feelings of abandonment was something Sam knew all too well. And the last thing that she would ever want is to do that to another person. He was asking for too much, she thought.

"Being with me," he said, his hands grabbing her face as he said. She pulled away from him, a scared expression on her face.

"Freddie…I can't. I never wanted to leave Seattle no matter how bad I would have it here." She admitted. "I never wanted to leave. If I did, I would have joined you into going off to an out of state college."

"But this is something different Sam, this is something new."

"Who said I wanted something new?" she questioned him.

"What we can have is something new."

"Like I said, who the fuck said I wanted something new?" she began pulling away from him, but his grip was strong.

"I want you to go with me Sam. Come with me to Boston. Take in the sights, see the place, and try to adjust. We can at least try. You have to give me that." She shook her head.

"I don't want to sacrifice anything we have. Moving away to somewhere I don't know is asking too much for me."

"Sam, I have never asked anything from you-"

"You asked me to break things off with Jesse." She reminded him. "That's a big sacrifice on my half, because I cared for him-"

"You chose it either way! You had to! I couldn't make that decision for you!" He walked around in the hall. "Goddammit Sam, you aren't a kid anymore. We all have to move on with our lives. I want to move on with you, but you still want to be here like a baby." He told her. It was true. She was acting like a spoiled child that was getting her toy taken away, and Freddie didn't want to deal with that. He needed to make her see that they were no longer fifteen years old. They were adults, in the prime of their lives to take the next step, which he was ready to. He realized however that she needed that push to move on. And if Boston would do it then that's what he would do.

"That's not true!" she said. "Momma aint no baby. I just don't want to leave!" she said. She may have been saying that, but anyone could see that she was acting every bit of a child, whining to try to get her way. Freddie closed his eyes, trying to find a way to make her see that this change could be good, if she would be willing to take that chance.

"Sam," he started, but was quickly cut off.

"No, you can leave to Boston. I aint gonna go." She said as she started walking away from him. "Have fun." She heard him give a small sigh.

"Why must you be so difficult Puckett?" He asked himself. She stopped mid-step and walked back towards him.

"Because you are a dick Benson. Who always was, and always will be thinking about yourself." She took one last look at him, before deciding that going down the stairs would be a better choice on an otherwise perfect sunny day.

* * *

A/N: I was supposed to post this on Thursday, but with family, friends and parties in the summer it's hard to stay committed. So for that I am sorry. As for the chapter I hope you like it, (I been up for a while writing it) and please leave me a review!  
Anonymous Reviews have been enabled! So anyone can leave me a review! Until next time! :)


	17. Anything for You

**Chapter 17: Anything for You**

I took in a big gulp of the strong Boston air as soon as I stepped out of the plane. I couldn't believe that it was just around two months since I was last here; getting my diploma I worked four years for. In a sense I was glad to be back. I can just relax, consider this as a vacation, that will determine if I will have a future or not. And if it's the 'not,' keep looking until I find what I'm looking for.

I took the steps slowly one at a time, and as soon as my feet touched the floor, I felt like I was at a home I had gone too long without visiting, almost to the point of abandonment. Entering the airport and listening to the side conversations were adding to that sense of nostalgia. I never thought I would miss Boston this much. The place seemed so humble, almost as if it was welcoming me back into it. Forgiving me for being away for so long. I couldn't help but smile somberly. I was happy to be back, to have an opportunity and actually going through with it. My life was going, for once in a long time (it felt like), exactly as I hoped it would, minus one little detail. It's true because the only regret I have is the fact that she didn't want to come with me.

What was Sam's problem? Why couldn't she just do this one thing for me? I replayed that question over and over in my head. As I was quickly packing to catch the six A.M. flight, the drive to the airport in silence, saying goodbye to my mom; it was infiltrating my mind more than the fact that I was going for my dream job. And since the plane pulled into the sky, more and more questions began going through my mind. Much more personal and deep questions that I couldn't answer, and didn't want to answer. For example, out of all the things she had to bring up that she sacrificed she had to mention him? I could name a million more things she has sacrificed before he even stepped in our life. And I have been more of a martyr than she ever could be. I would sacrifice something before she could even think about making a sacrificing for me.

Because Sam was a ton of things, but being selfish was the top of her list. She was always thinking about herself. Never wanting anything to go wrong with her life, when she lived a pretty fucked up one. And after all we've been through; I just assumed it would have been the next best thing for the both of us. It wouldn't hurt her to figure it out over here with me. She was acting like such a baby about this whole situation. If she loved me she wouldn't have acted like she did. She would sacrifice comfort for our well being and for me. That's the whole point of loving someone: sacrificing for the one you love. Isn't it? And that it was my entire fault? Fuck that. It was all hers to begin with. If she never went out in search of another one's arms she never would have to have made this decision. We could have avoided this dilemma entirely. I would not have wasted all this time of being depressed and moping, I would be happy. I would be happy because I would have Sam. And now I wasn't so sure I wanted that, with the way she was acting.

Ugh, this could not be healthy. Especially since I was going to an interview tomorrow. Being this angry and disappointed has to be in the backburner of things right now. In other words, it should be the least of my problems. What I needed right now is a taxi to take me to my hotel. That and a good old drink to relax me for tomorrow.

"Freddie! Freddie over here!" I heard a voice before the flailing of arms went up in the air. I couldn't believe she was here in the airport too. My god, she was still as short as ever. But I knew that voice from anywhere, let alone the "overexcitedness" in her persona. She pushed her way through the crowd, glared at a passerby that shoved her and continued waving maniacally in my direction.

"Annabelle!" I was surprised to see her there, making my way through the crowd to greet her. I didn't know that any of my old Boston gang knew I was on my way over here. Sure I mentioned it on my splashface, but I didn't expect anyone to be at the airport waiting for me when I didn't even say what time I would be arriving. It was probably just a coincidence. Either way it was nice to see an old face again. Especially one that was as crazy as she was.

That was Annabelle; she was a crazy chick, but there was a reason behind her insanity I guess. She always knew everything about everyone that mattered to her. She had to. She was studying journalism, wanting to become a gossip columnist or something like that. So it was safe to say she knew my life inside and out when she took a general education class with me, taking the seat next to me and staring intently as if she was studying me like I was studying my class notes. She was a bit short, shorter than the rest of us, but what she lacked in height, she held in curiosity. Her big brown eyes always saw something worthwhile in people that she wanted to find out. And she did. She was the first to know the gossip, and when she didn't, she sniffed it out, very carefully. She was never caught with her ways of 'persuasion' as she liked to call them. She was strong for being so small, and held her own when girls would try picking fights with her. And her style was always what baffled me. She would change it almost as often as she would in her attitude. But she was still someone worth knowing, or in other words, she would know you to the point you had to know her in return.

I'm not saying she was a bad person. She was a great person. A little too friendly in my opinion but she was a good friend once people got to know her. She made friends on a simple hello that she would give you accompanied with her great big smile. She met new students and filled them in, giving them tours of the campus, telling them the lenient professors versus the harsh grading ones. And when she met me, she let me know everything about myself. She was contagious to be around, because you never had a dull or sad moment with her. She held enough happiness in her petite body that it was overflowing within her; spreading to every person she came in contact with.

She asked me every question (both personal and non-personal), and before I knew it, she knew everything about me. My overbearing mother, my relationship that was Sam, why I wanted to major in computer engineering, she knew it all after a few minutes of my time, by force on other occasions. And the funny thing about it was that I would find myself going back to talk to her, finding out if I couldn't say anything to Sam or to Carly, I could say it to her. Sometimes face-to-face confessions were better than talking. And since I couldn't say anything to Carly about my problems with Sam, Annabelle would always advise me about them.

She was, in a sense, my best friend from Boston. She was a Carly that wasn't a Carly. If that made any sense.

I grabbed her in a big bear hug, to which she was more than enthusiastic, holding onto me after I let her go, like she always did. But she took a step back after, and took one big look at me. Her smile never fading from her face.

"Wow Benson, you look the same." She stated, smiling from ear to ear.

"It's only been a few months." I retorted, throwing my bag over my head. "You expected me to get buff or something?" I laughed.

"Of course, I expected you to get body builder buff, so big that I would not be able to wrap my arms around you." She said, tickling my abdomen. She was always playful. "Well, I'll go get the car and bring it around, just wait for me here."

"What? You're giving me a ride?" I asked. She turned and gave me one of her perfect smiles.

"I'm taking you to the hotel. Under the boss's orders." She said, giving me a salute and walked out the double doors. I didn't have much of a choice but to wait right outside the terminal, until I would see her yellow mini cooper would come down to pick me up.

Good thing I didn't have to wait for a taxi to take me to the hotel. Free rides I can never say no to.

I saw her mini cooper run up the terminal. She was always one to waste no time. She pulled up to me and I motioned for her to pop the trunk. She gave me a thumbs up and I heard the pop come from the back of her tiny car. We would all joke with her, telling her the only reason her parents gave her this car was because it was small enough for her to reach the pedals and steering wheel without a phone book. After pulling my bags over and shutting the trunk I took a seat down the passenger seat. My hand accidently brushed hers, making me recoil a bit and smile sheepishly. She simply grinned.

"Shall we?" she asked, pulling away from the point that connects me to Seattle. I turned and gave it a last look before carrying on my reunion with Annabelle.

"I can't help but ask how-"

"I told you, the boss's orders." She winked at me, taking a sharp left, avoiding the oncoming traffic. I was surprised. She found herself a placement at Technology United?

"You work as an-"

"A temp." She finished my sentence. "Just doing it for a year while my blog takes off as the best gossip column in Boston. Either that or the Juicy Bitz Magazine calls me for a job." She explained her future to me. Simple, not exaggerated. That's why I loved talking to her. She always went straight to the point. When I was talking to her about Sam, she did exactly that: she told me straight up what I should be told. Just like Sam. I started feeling bad. Thinking about Sam wasn't something I should be thinking about because she was making me go through this alone, when I would have loved her here with me to share this experience. But now I was starting to care less and less and I just wanted to see her.

"Freddie? You okay? You're staring off into space instead of sharing your thoughts." Annabelle said, swerving a bit to see if it would get me back into talking. I pushed thought of Sam (which was harder than I thought) in the back of my mind again as I turned to talk to Annabelle again.

"Sorry, I guess I was thinking about stuff." I needed to change the subject. "But to get a job there is so hard, even a temp job is difficult to come by there. How did you manage to land one?"

"Had an inside mouse working for me." She said. "I told him to keep me updated when they would have openings and I applied as soon as he informed me. So there I am. If you end up working there I could try to get a position as your assistant maybe." She said. I laughed.

"That's probably going to take a little longer than you think. Your dream job would probably call you before that happens." I reassured her. She simply nodded, keeping whatever it is she wanted to say to herself. Then, when she stopped at a stop sign she sighed and turned to look at me.

"I sure hope so."

* * *

I woke up to the heat that is known as the Seattle heat. I have lived here all my life, and I liked it that way. I took in its scent, opened my eyes and exposing them to the blinding sun. Not something I was ever going to be used to, because anything that bothered was just irritating. Sunlight bothered me, hence it was irritating. But it was a sunlight that I have always seen, that always woke me up, getting me ready for the day.

I left before my mom woke up, not wanting to deal with her grilling of me for leaving Jesse. She still wouldn't let that go. Of course it was only days after our break up, but to be constantly reminded of it was just going to put me in a crappier mood. I figure the less I need to deal with relationship troubles the better. I could tell by the heat it was going to be a heat-filled day, full of unplanned surprises (I hope). The only thing I knew I was going to regret today was the fact that he wasn't here. He got up and left like he said he would. Again leaving me here all alone and for God knows how long. For a few days, maybe a few weeks, possibly a couple months, dreadfully many years.

What the fuck was Freddie thinking? Why would he possibly think that I would want to leave this place? I grew up here. I made friends here. And if I wanted to leave I would have joined the army or something and actually take in some sights along with shooting some stuff. It's a win-win situation, not just living in Boston for the rest of my life. Fuck that. I like the normal lifestyle that I have here. I had my first job, my first crush and love, first kisses that lead to the said love and crush and most importantly, this was where iCarly started. This was where I found out that I was in love with that nub. And he wanted to let all those precious moments go to waste.

But there was that constant annoyance that told me I was missing him already and he had only been gone for a few hours. Even if just thinking about him made me get mad all over again.

Out of all the reasons he would ask me to go with him is because I have never done anything for him? How can possibly believe that I never did anything else for him? I had to leave Jesse because I love him. No, I don't love him. Love doesn't make you decide. They take you for who you are, the good or bad, and leave everything else in the open. For example: I love Seattle; these city lights can't be seen anywhere else. This summer breeze can't be as strong anywhere else. Why would I want to get up and leave it? There's no fucking way I am going to do that.

And I'm not saying I would never give up on things. I sacrificed plenty to be where I am today. I gave up being such a bad influence (such as the cheating, the getting into trouble, etc.) because I wanted to be a good influence to Carly and to Freddie. I wanted to prove that to them. And it was hard to do that at first. Real fucking hard. But I tried. That's all anyone could ever ask of me. I tried the college thing and stopped after realizing I hated school. I tried eating without my favorite fork and ended up buying a new fork. I tried everything they wanted me to try, to "make me a better person" and stopped after seeing that it was changing me into something I wasn't.

And no, I am not being stubborn or defensive or any of those other psychological mumbo jumbo that I used to be told while I was in high school. I wasn't afraid. Sam Puckett isn't afraid of anything, much less moving into some town I never heard of with the guy that supposedly loved me. The complete opposite. I was angry with the guy that supposedly loved me. I wanted him to hate me back, so that can give me reason enough to have permission to punch him when he came back. And that's if he ever came back with his brand new life he was getting over there. Why would he want to come back? Just so he can try to convince me again to go? Well, he'll know what my answer will be.

I found myself walking around the city, taking in its sights but not really paying attention to the buildings, and then I found myself at the front doors of the Bushwell Plaza. I sighed deeply. I always knew my way here no matter which route I would take, as if it was implanted in my head since birth. But what was the point in going here anymore? Carly left Sunday like she planned and Freddie was off to find his life in Boston. The only one left was Spencer. I opened the doors and went in. It's not like I was going to be doing anything worthwhile anyways.

I haven't gone to Spencer for anything since the one time I had nightmares about a monster eating my soup, and he helped me out of the situation quickly. So maybe, just maybe, he can help me out with this little dilemma (or speedbump as Carly liked to call it) that I was having. I say that I don't want to move (and that's true) but I don't want to lose that idiot that is Fredbag. And I am at a loss as to what to do. Leave Seattle, my friends that are still here, my drunken mom, Mel, and Spencer? Just to begin a life with Freddie? Okay out of anything that I have been saying, that is what truly scares me. Okay, yeah I admit it. I am scared because this is a future I can see. I can almost grasp it. But I can't if it's all the way in Boston. Because of that little setback, I would rather have Freddie think that I am angry with him than scared. I always am the tough girl, not the girl that runs away screaming in fear. And even though I never stepped foot in that state, I don't want to start now. Maybe Spencer can make better sense of things, because I don't know what to do with this.

I walked inside like it was still my second home. And the minute I did I stopped in my tracks. All I saw was numerous sculptures. Made of every normal medium used or not. I saw a sculpture made out of nothing but Tupperware, and another made of tube socks, that I think moved but that could have just been my imagination. I saw that he was remaking one he made out of Yo-yo's and there was one made out of a substance I could not name, because I had no idea what it was. Needless to say, with Carly finally gone, Spencer had all the time in the world to focus on his art works. I was happy that he was doing something with his time instead of just moping around his apartment.

"Hey Spencer! You home?" I called out. When I didn't hear an answer, I felt like I came to an empty house. Much like I was feeling right now. Without him, I always knew I would feel empty, just never really gave it much thought as to how empty I would feel. Now I was starting to get the picture.

"Who's out there?" a voice rang from somewhere but I couldn't make out where. It made me jump. "Please help! I'm stuck in the tube socks sculpture." I looked at the sculpture made out of socks closer and sure enough I saw Spencer there, looking straight at me. "Sam! O thank gosh. Help me pull off the socks before the super sticky starch and glue combination gets dry!"

I wasted no time as I began pulling off the socks from his body. I felt very sticky after I was done, making me go wash my hands. He on the other hand gave a big breath of thanks and plopped down on the couch. I hoped his butt wasn't sticky.

"I'll tackle that bad boy again later." He said, as he began channel surfing. When he didn't find anything, he turned it off and turned to me. "So what's new? Missing Carly already?"

"Ain't that the truth?" I said. "Plus the idiot across the hall left yesterday, so now I'm stuck here in Seattle again." He gave a sigh as he went to the kitchen to grab some drinks. "Can you believe that he wanted me to go to Boston with him? I mean that's ridiculous, asking me to leave you! And mom and Mel too I guess."

"Surely you didn't stay here because you didn't want to leave the grownups alone." He said, making me stare at him disbelief.

"Of course. What would make you think I would leave you alone? That's Carly's department. But I won't abandon anybody, no matter how badly I should be away from them." I said, meaning that last part to my mother. Spencer just shook his head.

"You made the wrong choice there Sam because you abandoned Freddie." I looked at him, surprised that he said I made a mistake. I think I made the right choice. Sure it was costing me a life that Freddie painted for us, but he would be back and everything would go back to normal. "Look," he handed me my drink and I slowly began to sip, ready to listen to his all mighty wisdom, "When Carly told me she was going to leave I was sad. You never saw me here because it was horrible memories that would haunt me when you guys were young and always around. I didn't want to deal with the fact that you were all growing up and doing something with your lives. At least that's the way I saw it." He gave a pause, making me nod to assure him that I was with him so far. "So, after a while, I noticed they were possibly the funnest times I ever had here in this apartment. But times have to come and go in order for bigger and better ones to come along later in life."

"But Freddie's asking me to-"

"To start something new. With him. And if you love someone, truly do love someone…then, it isn't a sacrifice. It's a privilege to want to do what they are asking you to do. That's the way love works. Not thinking about oneself, but of other's first."

I didn't notice it but my eyes were getting all watery. And that feeling of having a harsh throat because you were fighting back tears was happening to me. I didn't want to admit it, but Spencer had a point. I did love that nub, and maybe, maybe I was being too selfish about this whole thing. It's not like I couldn't try the whole Boston thing, and that was even if he got the job, which I know he would because it was Fredbag. My idiot was a smart nerd. And I loved him.

"So it's safe to say that I am selfish?" I admitted. Spencer nodded and I turned my head away, wiping away my tears that were practically falling down by now. I found myself smiling, hating that Spencer was smart for only completing three days of law school. "Well, I can't help that you know. It's just the way I am, and if he doesn't like it-"

"What makes you think he doesn't?" he asked me. I couldn't answer that. I knew that Freddie knew that I was a selfish and self-centered person. And he was never one to point it out, even when I was making everything about me when I told him I didn't want to leave. He didn't point out my selfish ways, he just called me difficult. I smiled.

"So what do you think you should do?" he asked me after a long silence between us. I looked at him, hoping the answer was all over my face. He grabbed the keys and opened the door for me. I didn't know it but I was actually running down the hallway to reach the elevator. I packed quickly, taking only what I deemed as needed and rushed Spencer to take me to the airport. I walked right up to the counter, the money in hand from Spencer (I'll pay him back someday) and said four simple words.

"One ticket to Boston."

* * *

A/N: Yay for Sam's revelation! Sorry for the late update guys. Hope you enjoyed. And review. But more enjoyed. Until next time :)


	18. Your Guardian Angel

A/N: ahhh, I feel like a bad mother that abandoned her baby for a long period of time! I went off on vacation and didn't take anything with me (there was no online services so I just took my ipod) and then after that I had my internet disabled. I realized I rely on internet way too much. But nonetheless I FINALLY got this story updated! And I am not sure if I am going to continue this any longer. As in, it is time for a closing to this story. So this story may have two more chapters and an epilogue. So I'm hoping you all that have enjoyed this story stay with me until the very end. :)  
And otherwise enjoy!

**Chapter 18: Your Guardian Angel**

Freddie kept taking in deep breaths as he arrived at his hotel room, preparing for the interview that was scheduled today at four in the afternoon. He would be the last one that they would interview that day, so making a lasting impression was all he had for an advantage. He knew that he needed to make a good impression on them quickly, or they could just go and change their minds just as easily as they considered hiring him. Because this was not a simple business that just started overnight. This was a company that was expanding and taking nothing but the best to get there. These were strict people, and any funny business would result in a door slamming in the face and a job that was within his reach, but failing to grasp it. If he wanted to be a professional in this business, he had to do more than just want it. He realized that he needed to look the part as well. So he pulled out two suits that his mom picked out for him and called in Annabelle who was just outside in the other room.

He opened the first zipper that contained a nice tan suit with a blue-collar shirt underneath, contrasting with the jacket but in a good way. The other that he opened was a deep dark navy blue and a lighter blue collar. Both of them had no design whatsoever; they were just plain and simple. He shouldn't have expected much from his mother. She always said that her son would look good in anything he would wear. Now, he wished he had the money to go buy some new ones, because this was too plain to be remembered. He needed help in deciding which would look better on him for the interview, and who better than a woman who had a taste of corporate style. Annabelle strolled in casually and pursed her lips as soon as she saw them on the bed, showing dissatisfaction in both suits. Freddie noticed her displeasure and couldn't help but ask her what was wrong with either outfit.

"Nothing, just neither of them looks like you. I guess it's that I can't see you in a suit. Maybe just the undershirt would look better on you." She said, pulling out the collar from the jacket sleeve. She pressed it against Freddie's chest, and left her hand pressed against him, while her eyes glanced upwards to his face.

"I can't just go in an undershirt." He said as he took it from her hand and placing it beside the jacket. "Suits are what they wear don't they? That's how I can relate to them and well, its something I should get used to if I nail the interview in a few hours." He replied hotly as he chose the dark blue suit, opening the flaps to look at the inside shirt. With a black tie he thought it would give it a finishing touch.

"Well you see me," she said, stretching out her hands and turning around slowly, "and I don't dress like everyone else." She winked at him.

"That's because you know how to dress." He said, looking back and forth at the two suits. One would have the power to give him the job; he was just not sure which one held such power. "Now you need to help me dress for this interview that I am going to in a few hours, so pick one for me."

"More like in less than an hour." She answered back, trying to hide her signature smile. Freddie froze and turned back at her, his look of disbelief was priceless.

"What?" Freddie said, focusing on her face. He chuckled anxiously, "You're joking with me, I know that you are." He said. But her look never changed as she looked at him, her face was still as she kept staring, looking to see what he would do or say next. His face drained of all color as he started running all throughout the hotel, trying to figure out what he should do first. "I haven't even gotten ready in any way!" he rushed to the bathroom and slammed it shut, turning on the shower and quickly scrubbing himself down, even before he got in. He didn't know he had no time left. He could have sworn he had a few hours at the most.

He turned off the shower head and draped a towel covering only the bottom part of his body as he walked out, snatching his suitcase to gather all of his supplies: mouse, brush, face cream, hair dryer, etc. All the while as he was doing that, he couldn't help but noticing Annabelle, still standing right where she was.

"Come on! Help me out and pick one or the other while I go do my hair!" he told her as he walked back inside the bathroom to begin his daily regime of getting ready. That didn't stop him from calling out to her, "I can't believe I only have a little bit of time left! Why didn't you say anything-" he stuck his head out and looked at Annabelle again as he poured the foamy mouse onto his palm to rub it all over his hair. She was still just standing there. Instead of making a big deal and panicking just as much as he was, she still remained at her post, standing there as she brought her hands up to cover a suppressed giggle.

She let it out anyway, pointing at the drawer by the bed, her eyes focused on something by the bed, but throwing it back at his fierce brown ones. Freddie noticed where she was staring and looked at the alarm clock, showing that it read a little over two in the afternoon. His interview wasn't until four. The look that he gave her made her crack up in laughter. She grabbed her side as she fell onto the bed, her hair getting all disheveled. She was a practical joker to the core, and Freddie was always a gullible being, falling for anything a person told him. She always took advantage of that back in university.

"I knew the time difference would throw you off. I just didn't think it would be that much." She looked up at him and saw that he was not laughing; he was annoyed. She dropped back on the bed while she laughed a bit more. "Oh come on! How else was I going to see you shirtless?" she pulled her hand up to her face and let out another giggle. That broke him. That stopped him from going all postal and wanting to kick her out of his room. Actually, even if she didn't say that he still wouldn't kick her out. He just dropped the brush in the sink and grumbled under his breath. Why did he not consider checking the time? But most of all why did he think about listening to her?

He knew that she was like this: flirtatious, always laughing, and overall carefree. She was reckless as well, living for the moment just Sam would always do. She was just like Sam and Carly; a package all wrapped up in one. She had Carly's looks and Sam's nature. But he was not attracted to her like he was to Sam. With Sam, he loved the way that she was, both when they were around others as well as when they would be alone together. She didn't need to do much to grab his attention, because he was already hooked on her. But Annabelle held his attention quite a different way. She was trouble; he knew that she was by the way she would act around him. He would be mad at her in one second, and then forget about it the next due to the smile she would flash or the things that she would say. She was his own personal time bomb and she knew exactly how to activate him as much as to diffuse him. And he wanted to yell at her, but the way she was happily smiling and sprawled on his bed, she looked cute actually, and not to mention tempting. He quickly realized the way he was staring at her and turned away, trying to convince himself that he did not just think about her that way. It was just his hormones.

"Glad to see that your sense of practical jokes is still intact." He said, pulling a shirt over his head to cover himself. He didn't really like the way that she kept staring at him. But most of all he didn't like the way he was staring at her.

"It's a habit that will never die sadly." She said, walking over to him with a pair of boxers and pants in her hands that she took out from his suitcase. He thanked her from a distance and went back into the bathroom to change, making sure that he locked the door in the process.

* * *

It took Sam longer than she wanted to depart from the airport, but luckily she managed to get a plane that would leave at noon, and during the time it took for the plane to depart, millions of thoughts were cruising in her mind.

She didn't know if she should apologize right from the start. She knew that she was acting like a child and actually recognizing her defects was not something that she did everyday. But she still felt as though that would be something he would least expect. And catching him off guard with that goofy little face that he makes every time he is always makes Sam feel as though she has accomplished something. Not that she would overcome him, but she made him realize that she was actually growing up and becoming an adult.

As the plane began taking off, Sam held onto the handles, gripping them with her dear life. Closing her eyes, and keeping them shut until the turbulence subsided. She would always do that, afraid that there was no one to keep her company or at least to comfort her. When she would visit Mel at her fancy boarding school with her mom, she would never ask for the window side. She was always afraid that the glass would break and suck her off the plane. The middle seat was also a problem with her because she liked completely owning both of the handles. So the seat farthest away from the window was her best friend.

When the turbulence faded she opened her eyes and stared off into space. All she had in her head was Freddie. She wondered where she was going to see him. How he would look, and she thought about how she would begin her conversations.

"Boy trouble eh?" the woman beside her spoke, breaking into her concentration.

"What's it to ya?" She answered her harshly. New people were never the type that she would warm up to.

"I can tell by the way that you day dream. I sometimes look out into space just like you do. Does he live in Massachusetts?" she asked him. Sam looked at her, wondering if she should give out information about a boy (_her _boy) to a woman that she didn't even know her name. But she was smiling at the look upon Sam's suspicions, instead of being drawn away and insulted. She didn't look old, she appeared very young, but wise beyond her years. And her smile never wavered as she waited for Sam to respond to her question. After what seemed like a minute, she cracked.

"He lives in Seattle but he's taking a job up here because some professor hooked him up with it and it's supposed to be a very good job and I got mad at him because I told him he was being selfish when in truth I was the one that was selfish and so now that I realized that I am going to go see him and wish him the best of luck in getting his dream job and trying my hardest not to panic at the fact that I'm probably going to move out there and be with him for the next couple of years. And that's if he even considers it after what I said and what I put him through" She let it out all in one breath. The older woman beside her smiled as she let Sam catch her breath, and then softly patted her hand. "What was that for?"

"Just because it looks like you needed it." She said. She reached out her hand, "My name is Melissa. And yours?" she asked. Sam looked at her outstretched hand and took it, softly gripping it so as to show that she meant no harm. Normally she liked squeezing as hard and strong as a python, just because it was funny to see their faces scrunch up in pain.

"Sam." She said.

"Sam? Is that short for Samantha?"

"I don't like being called Samantha. It's too girly for my taste." She said, not really saying that being called Samantha reminded her of Jesse, the poor guy whose heart she broke not so long ago.

"Well I have a sister like that. Her full name is Annabelle but she likes to be called Anne for short with us. You know she reminds me of you." She said, taking a glance at Sam and the personality that she was portraying. "Strong, willful, and a practical joker. Only difference is that she has brown eyes and darker shade of hair than yours. She's a brunette, like me." She reached the crown of her head and twirled a piece of her hair in her fingers. Sam scoffed; there was no way this girl was like her. It was just some lame ploy to try and relate. It's what her counselors would try to do to make her open up.

"Does she have a criminal record, eat way too much, and likes to cause harm to anyone that she feels like causing harm to?"

"Not really, but she does have a crush on a boy that's visiting right now. I don't remember his name, but she says he is very cute. Just like your boyfriend is I bet." She said, sneaking a wink in her direction.

"His name is Freddie." She said willingly.

Melissa smiled, saying that it was a cute name, and began telling her about her life, and Sam did as well, openly talking to a woman that she barely met about the life that she made with the boy that she supposedly hated since the sixth grade. She didn't even notice that she was up in a plane, with turbulence making the plane rock back and forth.

When they landed, Sam found herself not wanting to get up from her seat as she was having such a great time talking to her.

"Do you know where to go here in Boston?" Melissa asked her. Sam shook her head.

"I've never been here before." She said, realizing that she had no way of knowing where Freddie was staying at or where he was working. She turned on her cell phone to text him. But it wouldn't turn on, and she cursed out loud because it was dead. "Just fucking great. I have no idea where I am, and my phone is dead."

"Well, tell you what. I'm going to go with my sister in downtown. And she knows everything about everyone. Maybe she might know where Freddie is going to work at and tell us where he is." She offered.

"Is she a cop?" Sam asked cautiously. Melissa laughed.

"No. She is trying to be a gossip columnist."

"But why would she know Freddie? He doesn't even live here." Sam said.

"You mentioned that this Freddie of yours went to Boston University. Well she did too and she knew everyone at that school. Well at least she tried to. By the time her senior year came around her directory was so full she couldn't do much for the freshmen class that came that year." She explained. Sam nodded and just shrugged her shoulders.

"I guess I'll go talk to that sister of yours." She said. Melissa picked up her travel bag as Sam grabbed her backpack and went outside the terminal to call down a taxi to be taken into downtown.

"Don't worry Sam, I'm sure you'll find him and get everything straightened out."

Sam smiled up at Melissa happy to have come across a woman that was kind hearted. She was like a guardian angel, helping her find her way to what is her destiny, as obnoxious and corny as that sounded. She just hoped her sister would be the same in helping her find Freddie so that she could tell him everything that she needed to.

* * *

A/N: Reviews are like my Crack! (.)


	19. Unattainable

**Chapter 19: Unattainable**

As I climbed into the taxi, Melissa right behind me, I was shaking for some weird reason. It wasn't due to the fact that I was scared or that I think she might kidnap me like in so many of those movies. I think it had to do with Freddie.

This place was like a whole new world to me. For one, it wasn't gloomy and depressing like the Seattle weather was year round. We were lucky to get a few days of sunshine. And let's not forget the heat wave that would mix in with humidity. This year was hot minus the humid; to say we were fortunate this year was an understatement.

This place was actually very nice. I could see Freddie thriving in a city like this. Much more than in Seattle. It made me feel in a sense guilty, for thinking that I could take this away from him. But at the same time never did I ever thank God enough now for giving him a spine to stand up to me and take this risk. I was so happy that my nub of a boyfriend was actually standing up for himself. But let's hope he doesn't get carried away with that. Momma still wears the pants. And that's even if he'll think of taking me back, considering what type of a girlfriend I have been.

"Where to?" the taxi man asked, as he adjusted his rearview mirror to get a glance at my face as Melissa shut the trunk and took a seat beside me. She gave him the directions as she stared at her phone, dialed a few numbers and put it to her ear.

"Hey Anne! Yeah I just got in and I'm taking in a taxi downtown in your direction. Lunch? Uh, sure. Well see I need your help in something. See there's a girl that needs help with something. Well yeah I can see you're busy then. You'll see her at lunch then? Yeah? Okay that's great. We'll still meet you at the office? Outside? Perfect. Okay bye." And hung up, turning in my direction. "She said that you can explain it all to her over lunch. Hope that's okay Sam."

I looked uncertain. Why was it that they were so easily able to help me? I was just a stranger to them.

"What's wrong?" Melissa asked, concerned like she would show for a wounded puppy. It was strange seeing her show sympathy when at the plane all we were doing was laughing and talking. Now it seemed like she wanted to have a comforting conversation. And the weird part of it was that I was actually not as reluctant as I thought I would be.

"It's just that you and your sister are so willing to help-" I began but she just smiled.

"I get it Sam. If you don't want us to treat you like a charity case we won't. But I feel, and I'm sure Anne will too, that a person that doesn't know anything about a city needs every ounce of help she can get. We just like being helpful to people Sam. You never know when you will be needed to help out another person. Who knows? Maybe it's a sense of payback so if my sister would ever visit Seattle to see this boy that she loves supposedly, you can help her find her way around."

"I think I need to do that, with how both of you are helping me." I smiled at her. I actually smiled at her without wanting to force it. I looked out the window then and took in the sights a lot more peacefully. Trees were green like the color only envy could be jealous of. The sky was a blue that shamed my blue eyes; it was crystal blue, and partially cloudy. And the sun was burning my skin softly, nothing at all like the weather back home. It was like if it was welcoming me, this pretty weather.

But being the pessimistic person that I was, I had to find something wrong with this city. I had to. But it was making it really hard. Everything was pretty, even the hobos on the street smiled. What was wrong with this place? Was it really that happy?

"What you think of the view?" Melissa asked. I turned to her.

"I think its too much sunshine and rainbows." I said, a sour tone to my voice. I didn't expect it to be so happy here. And I know I should have been happy that the place was so happy and joyous (at least to me), I couldn't help but get angry at this place that was too cheerful. Melissa chuckled.

"Every outsider says that. They think we have the best weather, people, etc. But every city has a dark side. My sister learned the hard way, but now she's more cautious."

"What do you mean dark side?"

"The crime rate is a little high here. So it's a little dangerous because thugs can come and take your things or something. I would prefer California over this place any day. At least there you can be guaranteed sunshine every day." For some weird reason I smiled at that. "What is it Sam?"

"I think I'll like it here after all." I simply said. Crime rates, hobos; this was starting to remind me of home. And I was also glad there were cheerful places besides here.

* * *

I was standing outside the building that held my future in it's hands. It was as tall as any of the other buildings surrounding it, but to me it was monumental, standing out from the rest, in a way that made me unsure of my confidence.

"What is it?" Annabelle beside tucked her hand in my arm, as she made me walk toward the towering tower. My feet felt like they had lead in them, and it was getting harder and harder to breathe. Was I really this nervous? "Freddie! Stop! You'll do fine! Mr. Cavenshire is not that bad of a person!" she reassured me. I wanted to believe her, wanted to tell her not to worry about me, but now my tongue felt limp, not wanting to participate and give me a chance to speak. "What can I do to stop you from going into shock?" she laughed, practically dragging me through the doors. A security guard looked up and saw Annabelle's face and flashed her a flirty smile but as soon as he saw her arm wrapped around mine, his face changed, and he walked straight up to us. Or better yet, toward my direction.

"Annabelle! I didn't know you were working today?" he said casually, while throwing death glares in my direction. Annabelle seemed oblivious to the stares as she pulled me closer to her.

"I don't Erick, just bringing a friend of mine in for an interview. Poor guy couldn't even walk up the stairs." She said, patting me on my chest. Erick didn't move though. "What's wrong?"

"You know I can't just let anyone go up there. He needs to have an appointment." Annabelle smacked her head.

"Why you have to make this so difficult I'll never know." She whispered to herself, but I'm sure this guy heard her. Then she looked at him softly, making him melt faster than any guy I've ever seen. Even more than Jesse when Sam would look at him with her crystal blue eyes. "Erick he has an interview at four. If you want you can go ahead and check that on your computer while I walk with him to the elevators." And as he walked away to check, she rushed me to the elevator and practically shoved me inside.

"You didn't have to throw me inside!" I said as I straightened myself out.

"Trust me if I didn't he would be inside this elevator with us, staring you down and intimidating you because you're with me." Just then, her phone began ringing, and she dove her hand into her purse to retrieve it. In an instant she pulled it out and put it to her ear.

"Hello? Mel! You in Boston already? That's great! I know of this good little restaurant that has your favorite dish and we can have lunch there. Help with what? A girl? Well I'm with someone right now so I can't really help her right this moment. For lunch? Sure. Yeah, I'll try to see what I can do for her. Yeah just wait for me outside the office. Okay bye." She turned at me and smiled a big smile. Bigger than the one she gave me when I arrived. That only meant one thing.

"Melissa?" I asked. The way she started jumping up and down and screaming like a child confirmed my guess.

"She's finally here after a year up in California for that training thing she had to do! Oh, Freddie, I missed her so much, and now I get to see her!"

"That's great Annabelle." I said. Her smile faded a little, but recovered quickly in a devilish grin.

"How many times have I told you I don't like being called Annabelle? Call me Anne! Everyone calls me Anne Freddie! You wouldn't like it if I called you Fredward would you?"

No, I wouldn't. But calling Annabelle Anne would make us reach a sense of intimacy that I wasn't so comfortable with. I only knew her as a friend, a friend that knew everything about me but I knew little about her. I was never one to be close to others besides Sam and Carly. Even calling Gibby on occasion was a stretch for me because if I ever needed anything it was always those two girls. Plus, only her family called her that, from what she told me. She didn't like anyone else calling her that because nobody was that close with her like her sister, her parents. When Rob started to call her that, she got offended and didn't talk to him for a week. But then again maybe it was because he called her Anne Boleyn, a queen that was an adulteress during King Henry VIII's reign.

"I don't know Annabelle-"

"No not Annabelle! Call me Anne or I will go to Mr. Cavenshire right as soon as this door opens and tell him that you aren't going to the interview."

"No Annabelle, why would you threaten me like that?"

"It's not a threat Fredward." She said, her look very stern. She really wasn't kidding. I sighed, pulling my palm for my forehead.

"Alright alright Anne." I said, taking my hand away from my face. The look on her face was all too adorable, enough to make me want to grab her and peck her forehead.

Just as I was thinking that, the elevator opened wide and cubicles were all over the floor, glass doors positioned right in front of me at the other end of the building. Anne pulled me out of the elevator and dragged me toward the doors and stopped right there. She turned me toward her and gave me a brush off.

"Okay, Mr. Cavenshire is right through those doors. Look sharp, give a firm handgrip and if you any fun facts about sports like soccer, football or baseball that should be able to score you some extra points. But in case you don't, Dodgers are his favorite team; just saying you're a fan of them should get you some. Talk to him a little about gadgetry will also help which I'm sure you know too well of huh?" she said flashing me a smile. Then she did something I didn't expect: she reached up to my face and planted a quick kiss on my cheek. "Good luck Freddie!" and walked back toward the elevator. My hand reached up to where she kissed me as I heard my name being called by Cavenshire's secretary.

"Are you Fredward Benson?" she asked, and I turned around standing up straight.

"Yeah, that'd be me." I said, my voice a little higher than normal.

"Come this way Mr. Benson."

I trudged through the glass doors and into my future.

* * *

I don't know how long we were waiting outside the building that had the bold letters for Technology United, but I do know it was longer than I would have waited. But I needed Melissa and her sister, so waiting, though I hated it, was something I needed to do.

"Can't we go inside at least to get away from this fucking heat?" I said, feeling the sweat starting to drip from my armpits. Why didn't I pack a tank top? Then I realized I didn't really pack anything other than fat cakes. And a change of underwear to replace the 'I heart Las Vegas' ones I was wearing right now. I started taking off my long sleeve shirt when Melissa stood up, and began walking toward the doors to Technology United.

"I see Anne!" she began waving hysterically. Then the doors opened and another brunette came into view, jumping up and down almost as much as Melissa. I knew this was Annabelle.

"Oh Anne! You look great, can't believe it's been a year!"

"Yeah I know! You look good too! California must have treated you well!"

"You would love it! Sunny practically all year round and the people there are amazing! I think I even saw a famous person!"

"Who?"

"Charlie Sheen!" she squealed. I couldn't help but keep my distance and let them enjoy their reunion. I was only thinking of how my reunion would be with Freddie. If he would demand to know what was I doing here or if he would hug me tightly like Melissa did her little sister. I was just hoping he would hug me tighter and kiss me strongly like I always liked him to.

"Anyways, we have forever to catch up but in the meantime, this is the girl that I was telling you that needs your help. Her name is-"

"We can all discuss this over lunch." Annabelle said. "Right now I am starving! I was helping you know who get ready for his interview."

"You guys didn't have lunch together?" Melissa asked her.

"A piece of toast is not lunch in my opinion. Not even a piece of steak is a lunch for me. Let's hit that place I was telling you about okay?" Then she turned to me. "And of course help your new friend. You can wait until after lunch right?" My stomach practically answered for me, giving the biggest grumble I have ever heard it do.

We got into another taxi and went onward to eat lunch at this place that Annabelle kept saying it was the best place she has ever eaten at.

"It can't be better than the Cheesecake Warehouse." I inputted. Annabelle looked at me.

"Better. Much better." She said, smiling. I smiled back and tried to imagine food better than the one they served at the Cheesecake Warehouse. There they had big bowls of salads and humongous chunks of cheesecake. If it was better, then they must have plates as big as a table!

"So what happened? Did you do anything worth sharing?" Melissa elbowed her little sister who smiled.

"I kissed his cheek before he went in for his interview." Annabelle beamed, possibly more than when she saw her sister. "I didn't think I would have the guts to do something like that but I sucked it up and just went for it. I didn't even have the guts to look back at his direction to see if he was staring at me or nothing!" She told her sister.

"That's good; keep him aching for more."

"Plus I told him to start calling me Anne. And he did." She smiled again. I noticed these people really liked to smile.

"Little by little sis, and you'll get him." She winked. "We'll talk about your love life a little later Anne, right now we have to help Sam." She said looking at me, taking the attention from Annabelle.

"Hi Sam, I'm Annabelle." She pushed her hand out toward me and I took it as a peaceful gesture. "What can I do for you?"

"Well she needs to find her boyfriend that came here for an interview. She doesn't know anyone else here but him, and now us apparently."

"Yeah and if you can just point me in the direction that he is at I would gladly appreciate it."

"Well my database of everyone that I know is at my apartment complex so if you want after lunch we can go there and see what we can find. All I got with me is this pear pod and they only hold so much." She said. I nodded in agreement. Freddie can wait a little longer. Right now momma needed her meat.

We arrived at this restaurant called The Farmhouse. The smell instantly went straight into my stomach. Everything invaded my nostrils from the country gravy to the pork sausages. Everything in here smelled like a country kitchen, and it smelled glorious. Better than anything I have ever smelled in my whole life.

"Wow Annabelle. You sure know how to pick a restaurant." I complimented her, as my eyes remained closed, taking in the sweet smell of maple syrup, fresh butter, and best of call the crispy crackle of bacon. My mouth was so full of water from cravings I swear I could fill up a water park.

"I can tell you like food almost as much as me Sam." She said. I nodded as Melissa grabbed my hand and sat me down. I was literally paralyzed, I couldn't move for fear that this was a dream and all the smells, sounds, around me was nothing more than a figment of my imagination. I didn't want to open my eyes for the same fear. That in reality I was still in Seattle, or still on the plane, or that I maybe passed out due to heat stroke. The waiter came around and that's when I knew it was okay to open my eyes. I really was here in a restaurant called The Farmhouse. I really smelled the bacon, the gravy, everything.

"What can I get you girls?"

"Three fizzy colas and three samplers please." Annabelle handed over the menus and turned toward me.

"So Sam, what about this guy?" she asked me.

"I don't talk about my dishrag, when you clearly got a guy you need to get." I said. I didn't really feel like talking about Freddie with her. Melissa was like the same and a different person from her sister, she seemed trusting. And I wasn't saying Annabelle wasn't trustworthy, it's just something about her that gave me a shudder. Like I should be careful when it came to her. After all, she knew everything about everyone. Her knowing everything about me was not going to be easily distributed.

"Well I hope he gets the job. That's all I am looking forward to. Then he'll move over here and maybe we can try to date or something." She said.

The drinks came around the same time that our food came and I tried savoring every morsel that I placed in my mouth. The bacon was exactly as crispy as it could be. The gravy had little chunks of sausage that burst with flavors that I can only describe as food fit for the Gods. Melissa and Annabelle noticed how I was eating my food and began laughing, but I was too entranced about my food. Honestly, they could look at me eating this food naked and I wouldn't have cared. Besides they were treating me to it, so punching their faces in would seem rude.

"So Mel, tell me more about California." Annabelle said after staring at me for a few minutes. Melissa began explaining her trip. How she got lost and people around her asked if she was a tourist. She knew her way around in just as little as two weeks. Her training was for advertising, and how they could improve sales. I had to admit I didn't see Melissa as a corporate advertiser consultant. She seemed more carefree than that. But looks sure can deceive. By the time I was done with my fifth pancake Annabelle's phone rang.

"Hello? Hey! That's awesome! Yeah we are at The Farmhouse, come by because I want to hear how it went!" and she clicked before the other person could have another word in the conversation.

"Was it?" Melissa asked. Annabelle nodded swiftly, making Melissa and me hoot out loud.

"Okay girl as payment for finding my guy and treating me out to this awesome lunch I'm gonna help you get yours." I told her. "This is what you have to do: as soon as he comes and you see him get up and walk up to him and just plant a big wet one on him. Guys like that a girl has that kind of confidence because they know that you are serious about them. Got it?" Annabelle was blushing a serious beet red, making her look adorable.

"I never done anything so compulsive Sam. Not since college at least." She told me. I laughed out loud at that as we enjoyed the rest of our lunch, waiting for her mystery man.

* * *

I walked out of Mr. Cavenshire's office with such a confidence. I hit it out of the park that interview. Every question I knew I would receive better marks than I ever would in college. As soon as I went into the elevator I quickly dialed Annabelle- Anne.

"_Hello?"_

"Anne!"

"_Hey!"_

"I think I am your future boss." I told her, wishing I had someone to hug, preferably someone blonde who goes by the name Sam.

"_That's awesome!"_

"We need to celebrate right now! My treat."

"_Yeah we are at The Farmhouse right now, come by because I want to hear how it went!" _I laughed knowing her she ordered a sampler for her and her sister and that girl that they were helping out.

I practically ran out the door, ready to scream my lungs out in triumph but I figured it would be better to yell with Annabelle. I mean Anne. This was something I needed to get used to.

I flagged down the first taxi I could and told him to step on it and arrived in less than ten minutes at The Farmhouse. I walked inside and saw Annabelle rise up from a table with her sister, who was sitting beside her and a blonde haired girl. Annabelle wrapped her arms around me as I stayed studying the blonde across from Melissa and saw as she turned around that it was Sam.

"Freddie?" I heard her call out to me.

By the time she stood up Anne had already pressed her lips against mine.

* * *

A/N: This took me forever to write, for one because I planned everything out a lot different but thanks to Axel100 (who is awesome and has a great story going on so go check that out), I completely altered it. And due to the changes, this story still has a little more juice that I need to squeeze out. So... leave me a little awesome review like so many of you know how. 200 reviews? Lets hit 500! :)


	20. Apologies

**Chapter 20: Apologies**

The weight of Annabelle's petite body upon Freddie's long and lean one made Sam spring up in such a frenzy, she was ready for battle like a Spartan ready to face an untimely death. She ran straight for Annabelle and pulled her off quickly and menacingly, feeling some pieces of the brunette's hair fall off. She was ready to devour her, eat her alive, punch her face in so that it was unrecognizable.

"Sam!" She heard Freddie's voice beside her. Her arm was at a deadly angle ready to strike, but she stopped all too soon, looking in Freddie's direction with the same rage that she was holding in for Annabelle. That's when she realized, it wasn't this poor girls fault. It was his. It had to be his.

"What the fuck Freddie?" She said, yelling in front of the entire restaurant. People looked up from their tables, sickly entertained by the drama that was ensuing.

"Sam, what are you doing here?" Freddie asked. Sam stood up, and he braced himself for the worst. A loud punch cracked the silence that was the air. Freddie shut his eyes tightly and opened them to see a nearby wall with a massive dent, and Sam's knuckles bloody and distorted. Her face remained indifferent, showing nothing but a deep loathing.

"Who is she? Your girlfriend from Boston? So you did have a fuck buddy didn't you? I knew that you were such a dick but I never expected you to be such an asshole too!" she said, storming off and leaving Annabelle and Melissa with a shocked expression.

"Freddie?" Annabelle asked. Freddie wouldn't stop staring in the direction that Sam took off, trying to shake off the sudden shock of her presence here in Boston.

"I have to go," he said, taking off after Sam. He opened the door and looked in both directions, in search of Sam's slender figure and her voice screaming profanities. He squinted at the tall woman and ran after her.

"Sam! Wait!"

"Fuck off Freddie," Sam said, still grabbing onto her hand. She applied pressure onto it, but still felt it pulsating a throbbing pain that she never felt before. Sam kept walking, not really going anywhere in particular but escaping all the same. She couldn't believe she almost beat up the girl that was being so nice, so helpful. And it was his fault. Freddie made her want to harm her, it had to be. How else was Annabelle going to know that she was with Freddie? She never mentioned anything to her about him. Not how he looked, how he smelled, how he kissed. Nothing at all.

She kept walking until she felt Freddie reach her, walking beside her. She didn't turn to stare at him, just kept walking faster.

"Speed walking isn't going to get rid of me Sam," he said, keeping in pace.

"What will? So I can use it and get the fuck away from you."

"Wait why are you mad at me? She kissed me-"

"And you didn't fucking stop her!" she said, pushing him and inwardly groaning as she grabbed her hand again.

"Let me see your hand," he said, reaching for her hand. She swatted him away.

"I don't fucking need your charity. I don't need anyone. So go find that girl and go live happily ever after okay?"

"Sam, don't be like that. Let me see your hand, we can talk about this. I mean I'm still trying to get used to seeing you here in Boston."

"Well you can forget about me being here. I'm hopping on the next plane out to Seattle. You and that damn brunette won't have to worry shit about me."

"Sam," Freddie said, "You aren't being fair. Just let me help you out-"

"I said," she pushed him again, but this time just with her good hand, "fuck off."

Freddie looked at her blue eyes, hoping that she would see how confused and sorry he was for anything that she took the wrong way. All he saw was her eyes fierce, angry, and sad. It was like that one time when they argued one summer and didn't see each other for two whole weeks. Two of the worst weeks of his life.

"Just leave me alone."

"No," Freddie said, "Let me take you to the hospital or something. You need me, whether your stubborn ass likes it or not."

"Freddie," Melissa's voice called from behind. Freddie turned around to wave her down. When he turned back to focus on Sam, she was gone.

"Shit! Melissa where did she go?"

"I don't know! I saw you but I didn't see her," she said. "Why don't you go look down the street and I'll walk the other street. Hurry, I'm sure she didn't go far." Freddie nodded and started running where Melissa instructed.

Melissa on the other hand, remained where she was, leaning against the brick wall that was residence to Missy's Muffins. She turned into the alleyway, walking cautiously as she listened for footsteps or some sort of rustling.

"Sam, I know you're here," Melissa yelled out, "It's alright, Freddie took off some other direction because I know you don't want to see him right now. But you need to go to the doctor, so please let me take you to get your hand taken care of," Melissa said, talking to the darkness and some abandoned trash cans. The trashcans started to move and Melissa approached them, seeing Sam trying to get up and brush off the dirt and grime from hiding behind them.

"What do you want? More good karma I suppose if you help this poor girl?" Sam said, a bitter tone in her voice. Melissa stopped right in front of her, not coming any closer. She didn't know what to do at this point. She just wanted to make sure she wouldn't wander off anymore than she did. She would get lost fast in this vast city.

"What happened?" she asked her. Sam just shrugged her shoulders.

"That was my boyfriend, the whore," she said, crossing her arms in anger. Her bloody hand was starting to sting again. She winced and Melissa, noticing her pain, walked closer. Sam didn't do anything this time as she reached for her hand, the blood leaving traces on her shirt.

"We should get that taken care of now. Don't want it to get infected," Melissa explained, waiting for Sam to do something, or say something. She nodded and began walking the way she just ran away from.

"Know any good doctors with drugs? I can't stand this fucking pulsating sting."

"Yeah, Dr. Lowell, he is mine and Anne's." Sam gulped. She was starting to let the guilt sink in for how she acted with Annabelle. She didn't mean to do what she did. It was on impulse. What was worse was that her sister was not angry like she would have been if somebody picked on Melanie. She was being kind, thoughtful, and was even taking her to see a doctor.

"What the fuck do you want from me Melissa?"

"I want to make sure that you are fine. Everything that happened right now was like something from a bad movie. Believe me when I say that Annabelle had no idea that was Freddie Freddie. She may be crazy but the one thing Anne is that she's respectful of relationships."

Annabelle was standing outside The Farmhouse when Melissa and Sam arrived. As she saw them approaching she stood up stronger, and even balled her hands into little fists, Sam couldn't help but notice. Melissa gave her little sister a reassuring glance, and Annabelle put her defenses down, relaxing a bit. Melissa waved down a taxi and gestured Sam into the cab first as she was still grabbing her hand. She looked at Annabelle and explained to her to text Freddie.

"Let him know that we found Sam and that we'll take care of her."

"Anything else?" Annabelle asked as she pulled out her phone.

"Anything else to call us."

Annabelle gave the taxi driver directions to Dr. Lowell's clinic and as soon as they were on their way, Annabelle broke the silence, besides the wincing cries Sam tried to hold in with little success.

"It's not easy for me to say this but I owe you a very big sorry." Sam looked in her direction.

"That's makes two of us," she said.

"Maybe we could have avoided all of this if I asked you about Freddie," Annabelle said, "Honestly Sam, I didn't know that you two were still together, because he said that next time he was going to be here he was going to bring you along. And then when I saw him at the airport, you weren't there so I just assumed instead of asked anything."

"It's okay, I'm sorry for pulling your hair. I felt like shit after I did it, especially when you and your sister have been so nice to me."

Annabelle smiled, reaching out her hand to pat Sam on her shoulder. "Things just happen that we can't control. It's normal. I'm just glad you didn't punch me."

"Yeah, that would not have been a good thing," Sam said laughing to try to lighten up the mood.

Annabelle's phone began to ring and Melissa reached for it, placing it on her ear.

"Hey Freddie. Yeah we found her we're taking her to the doctor right now. You want to what? Hang on," she placed her hand on the phone and looked at Sam, "Freddie wants to talk to you." She handed Sam the phone and she placed it on her ear.

"Hello Dipthong."

"_I'm just glad you still have your sense of humor intact. Guess that punch didn't do much."_

"It's just a scratch," Sam lied, noticing that she can't move her pinky or her ring finger.

"_Why did you just take off like that Sam? I was just looking out for your safety you know."_

"How many times do I have to say this Freddie?" Sam said, glancing at her hand, "I hate it being treated like a baby. That's what you were doing."

"_I'll try to remember that next time,"_ Freddie's voice said from the other line. _"Do you want me to meet you at the doctor? I'll ask Melissa for directions."_

"I don't think so Freddie," Sam sighed. "I kind of want to be alone. I don't want things to be awkward."

"_It won't be. What happened was just a misunderstanding, and knowing Anne, she probably already made you her friend again. Come on Sam."_

Sam sighed softly in the receiver, not knowing that what she wanted to say yes. She handed the phone over to Melissa and nodded that it was okay for him to come and see her at the doctor's.

It was a quick drive, just a few blocks away from the restaurant. When the taxi cab pulled away, Sam looked at a tiny clinic, surrounded by big buildings on either side. The walls were bleach white, two windows on either side of the glass door, which read in black and red letters 'Dr. Lowell M.D.'

"It may not look like much, but Dr. Lowell is a great doctor." Melissa explained, helping Sam up the walkway and through the door. The clinking of a tiny Christmas bell announced their arrival. A nurse that was sitting behind a desk, her nose dug into the magazine only seconds before the bell rose her head to see who came in. She put the magazine to the side and asked them to sign in.

"Where is Dr. Lowell?" Melissa asked the nurse that was taking a post as a receptionist.

"Probably in the back, I can call him up front if you like," she said.

"Please, tell him that Melissa and Anne are here," she said. The nurse nodded and flounced in the back in search of her boss.

Seconds later, a tall and well groomed man came out from the side door, flashing Melissa a wide smile. His hair was dark and extremely well kept, all brushed back away from his face. His chin was strong and had a dimple right in the center. He looked not older than 30, but his black eyes looked as though he has lived longer than he has.

"Hey Mel, Anne," Dr. Lowell addressed the girls like they were old friends, exchanging hugs and silent glances. Melissa blushed as he gave her a strong hug. "What can I do for you?"

"Our friend got hurt," Melissa brought Sam closer to Dr. Lowell. He took her hand with a tender motion, avoiding the blister and bruises. "We were wondering if you could help."

"You know I can," he said, "But what happened? It looks like you punched a wall."

"I did," Sam sheepishly admitted.

"Well," he said, "I'm sure that wall deserved it." Sam smiled. "Just come with me, and I'll take some x-rays if needed and examine it more carefully," he glanced at Melissa and Annabelle, "If you want you two can wait here." Melissa touched Annabelle's shoulder, motioning for her to sit down, while Sam walked through the door that Dr. Lowell came through.

"So what made you punch the wall Ms...?"

"My name's Sam."

"So what made you punch the wall Sam?" Dr. Lowell started slowly maneuvering her fingers. Sam cringed a bit but held up a strong front to show that she was no weak woman. "It's okay if it hurts," he assured her. "It doesn't look broken. Maybe a bit bruised," Dr. Lowell reached for four large popsicle sticks and white tape. "Looks like you'll just need a splint for the meantime. I'll also get you a prescription for some oxycodone to numb the pain," he delicately began wrapping her fingers, "I'm sure they must be throbbing in pain."

"Like you have no idea doc," Sam said. Dr. Lowell smiled. "I punched the wall because my boyfriend was kissing another girl."

"On purpose?"

"Well, he didn't really didn't kiss her. She kissed him."

"Then, it wasn't really his fault was it?"

"No," Sam said, "It was mine because the girl didn't know that he was taken."

"What made her think that he was single?" Dr. Lowell asked, suddenly interested in this girl's life.

"Because he came to Boston and I didn't join him," Sam said, "I guess I got cold feet when he said he wanted to move to Boston and I was too chicken to come with him."

"So what made you come after him?" Dr. Lowell asked. Sam shrugged.

"I guess I love that dork," Dr. Lowell grabbed a pair of scissors and cut the tape, smoothing it out to stick to the popsicle sticks.

"That's sounds about right," he said, "Well, you're all patched up. Just take this to a pharmacy that's down three blocks and hand them that slip. I'll cover the bill for the medication." Dr. Lowell smiled softly at Sam, and she blushed and turned away, he had such a handsome face.

"Thanks doc."

Sam and Dr. Lowell walked through the door and Sam saw Annabelle and Melissa, and of course who she really wanted to see: Freddie. He gave her an annoyed look, but it quickly evaporated into thin air as she was walking towards him. She stopped right in front of him with her head hung down, wanting only one thing from him. He sighed and acted as though it was the most difficult thing to do, he wrapped his arms all the way around her, playfully tugging her closer. He inhaled the smell of her hair, as she remembered how delicious it was to have his body pressed against his. She closed her eyes in euphoria, knowing that this was reality. It was too good to just be a dream.

"We'll be going now Sam," Melissa called from behind, "Dr. Lowell thanks again."

"Anytime Mel," he said, "I'll see you around, we have some catching up to do since you came back from California."

"Yeah, but later." Sam heard the door's little bell announce that it opened and also departed.

"Let's go Sam," Freddie said. She looked up to him and nodded, pulling away from him and walking beside him.

"Thanks again doc," Sam said, walking out the door, "I'll be sure to get the medication right now."

"Good, because they close in 20 minutes."

"Where is it at?" Freddie asked, grabbing the prescription paper to read the address. "It's not that far, we can make it."

"God I hope so, my hand is killing me," Sam said. Freddie smiled offering his hand into her unbruised one in apology. sam noticed it and intertwined her perfectly fine hand around his, letting his hand encircle her tiny fingers, accepting that he forgave her the same way she had to forgive herself.

* * *

A/N: O JEEZZZ... Well hello people of

Well as you can tell yes I left and seemed like I would never return (honestly I really was having some serious writer's block for this story). I have been in class that has demanded a crazy amount of writing assignments so my creativity was else where from the couple that is Sam and Freddie. But I still know that I have more to finish and I think for the next chapter, to make it up to all those that have been waiting like crazy for this chapter I'll make it a lemon, sweet and definitely sour. (x_X)

So for those that were waiting; thanks so much for your patience. And don't forget to leave a little review. The more I get the more inclined I am to post the next chapter. ;P


	21. Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow

A/N: Oh my gosh, the last update I gave was so long ago I don't even want to see when it was. First, Tumblr came into my life (and consumed it) and Summer School as well as regular school and of course working. And let's not forget the whole Seddie arc that just went on Nick, breaking my heart in a somewhat satisfying way. But I know that those are no excuses for taking forever to update this story. So, in honor of the Seddie arc that we just had the pleasure of witnessing (these past 4 weeks? I feel like it has been longer), I give you the last Chapter to my story besides an epilogue that is in the works (How many times have you guys heard that huh?). To those that have been patiently waiting, a million thank yous for being so patient with my writer's block, and to the new ones out there, welcome and hope you enjoy this little fanfic that I spent too long writing.

The way that I did this chapter was a two way first person point of view. When you see the ~~~~~~~~~ across the page, it means it is a new point of view. So enjoy and hope you love it, because it took me forever to figure out how to end it. But I believe that I gave it somewhat justice.:)

* * *

**Chapter 21: Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow**

We walked together arm in arm, Freddie, being the gentleman that he is, carried my little packet of pills. The walk was silent but comforting; there was no instigation, no penalizations. It was just a nice walk from the pharmacy to the hotel that Freddie was staying at. We climbed up in the elevator in more silence, and I couldn't help but want to know what it was that he was thinking about. Sure the silence was nice but it was starting to make me nervous. I wanted to know what he was thinking, and if he was thinking of me.

We reached the hotel room and as he took out his key, I could almost swear I held my breath. He held the door open for me and I walked inside thanking him, the first words we uttered since the pharmacy, which was also minimal conversation. The hotel was simplistic: normal drapes, off white carpet, clean walls, and a bed right in the middle.

"Why did you run from me Sam?" he asked me as he shut the door. I knew he would but I didn't turn back to face him as he confronted me about a subject that I was not in the mood to answer. I had to stop running away from these problems and do what he does: tackle it head on. I turned around and tried to speak, but no words were being released. I must have looked stupid having my mouth open and close every few seconds. "Why do you feel as though you have to run away from me?"

"I don't know," I said. I was pretty blunt because there were no other words to explain how I was feeling, "I don't know what to think when I'm with you Freddie; it's like one big fucking rollercoaster." I walked toward the window, looking down into the city like I was a God watching over them. "I just know that I love being with you, because I love you I guess."

"You guess?" Freddie said. I shut my eyes. No, not I guess.

"No, that came out wrong. I don't guess-"

"You guess that you love me? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"No," I turned to him, "Not guess. I know that I love you, I know that," I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him, "I love when I feel you against me," and grabbed his hands, "When your hands touch me," I brushed my lips against his, "When you kiss me…"

* * *

When Sam kissed my lips, all anger faded, I wouldn't even call it anger. I tried comprehending what it was that she was going through. I know she loves me. No woman can cradle my hands like she does. She stares at them with an intimacy that cannot be put into coherent thoughts. No woman, not even Carly when I used to have the biggest crush on her, can make me hunger for a person as much as she does. Sam is a person all on her own. I crave her every second of every day. Nothing is taboo with her. When I don't see her, something doesn't feel right in my life. And it isn't until I see her again, and her smile, her sway, her smell, I feel as though something comes back to life inside me.

I cradle her hands, turn them over to look at them. She outgrew her nails again. I kiss her palms, and feel her want to pull away and yet stay closer with every sweet kiss I give her. Then I bite and feel her begin to melt beneath me.

* * *

I love when he is aggressive. I never took Freddie for being so masochistic and yet here he is, ready to nibble and bite my skin clear off my skeletal system. I release myself from his grip, and begin kissing his lips again, bringing my hands up to mess up his perfectly kept hair. I feel his hands go up in my own hair, grabbing it ardently. By now our kisses are far from simple and sweet. They are just the way we always have it: needy, urgent, and fitting. I bite down on his lips hard, hoping to taste his blood and he returns the favor, biting harder that I whimper. But still no blood from either of us.

* * *

I pushed away from Sam when I bit her and heard her cry a bit, looking straight into her devilish angel's eyes. I pull her back to me, carrying her over my shoulders as I lie her down on the sheets waiting for our arrival, clean and kept, ready to be ravaged. I dropped her on the bed without a moment's hesitation and stayed standing, my shadow towering over her. I see her challenging glare, her seductive smile enough to make me go hard and come all at the same time. She is inches away from me, her hands going up either side of my stomach, her lips kissing the fabric of my shirt. As she goes and attacks my collarbone I gasp for air.

* * *

It's always easy finding his soft spot. Freddie would always throw his head back when I would do anything to his neck and collarbone. I stayed in that specific spot for a while continuously enjoying myself, grazing and on occasion playfully biting him. I bring him down to the bed with me and continue my torture on him. This is what I like to do. I like being frisky with him, because he makes me this way.

"So we aren't gonna talk about it?" Freddie asks as I reach down to take off his pants.

"Talk about what?"

"You know," he said as I began sucking hard on his neck like a vampire, "What you said, why you ran?"

I pull away from him, panting in the process. I didn't want to talk about anything. I just wanted to sleep with him.

"What is there to talk about? We're together now."

"But Sam," he said, leaning toward the edge of the bed, "I want to know that you have your head in the game like I do." I didn't say anything, giving him the floor. "I want to be sure that you want to be here with me and you won't regret it later. I am being offered a job to run a department here. I'm not going back to Seattle for a while."

"I know that, you don't have to remind me of that," I said. I knew that he was going to take the job, start a life here while I was still stuck in Seattle, "I want you to stay here and work them." I smiled, trying to hide sadness as I lowered my head. His fingers stopped my head from dropping completely; cupping my chin as his mouth pleaded a decision that would change everything.

"Stay here with me," he said.

Before I looked into his eyes, I felt the sincerity in what he asked of me. I brought my lips to his once again and hugged him close.

"Sam? Stay with me?" He asked me this time.

I stopped his begs and pleas with my mouth, drinking him in to leave me with incoherent thoughts. I pull his shirt over his head and take mine off in the process, careless with my fingers. Why worry about broken fingers when your heart is breaking?

"Please answer me Sam," he said. I try my hardest not to cry. I reach for the lamp on the bedside and turn it off.

"I'll stay Freddie," I lie.

* * *

"I'll stay Freddie," Sam whispers to me in the darkness. I breathe in a sigh of relief as I kiss her urgently. I reach down and unbutton her pants, rushing with my own because Sam still had sprained fingers. Relief washed over me as I feel her body heat close to mine and it made me think of later times, how she would still be here with me in years to come. How I'll be waking up to her body heat now and forever. How I'll be kissing this blonde haired angel until the day I die.

"I love you," I said. I heard her sniff back tears.

"I love you too," she said, wrapping her arms around me. By the time we exchanged words of affection every piece of clothing was off. There was nothing holding us back as I kissed her wet cheeks, and cradled her face with delicate caresses. I feel her fingers stroking my back, not clawing like she always does. It was a nice change to see us go from feverish and ardently needing each other to just feeling, just exploring our bodies.

I entered her delicately, feeling her gasp quietly, as if we were virgins, back in my room four years ago. _Just to get it over with_, she said. _You didn't want to go to college a virgin did you?_

And then came the drama with Jesse, and her war on solitude. She hated that I was never home. And whenever I was home, it was just for a few months. Her confusion and my madness this summer never would have happened if it weren't for Jesse and her need to be loved by someone. She knew that I love her more than anything. And now there is nothing that will keep me from her, because I want her to stay here with me. There is no Jesse to confuse her thoughts anymore. No sadistic mother that would turn her away from whom she loved. And vice versa. I love Sam so much that I never want to live without her. I can't live without her.

I keep my pace of our love making slow and steady. We were no longer looking for a good fucking. We were bringing down walls, leaving ourselves vulnerable to each other. I wanted her to feel more than just loved. She was so much more to me now. I want to see her with me forever. A big white picket fence with a blue-eyed boy or girl. As long as they had her eyes, her big gorgeous eyes I didn't care what we have. I just want the feeling that she would be completing everything in my world by marrying me, loving me, as much as I have always loved her.

* * *

I didn't want to hurt him anymore than I was going to. I felt him enter inside me and I gasped at the tenderness of the action. I was not feeling hot and heavy for him anymore. I just felt loved.

I knew there was no other emotion coursing through me as I felt him move inside me. He loves me as much as I love him. His kisses and caresses have changed. They aren't hungry anymore. They are loving, something I always wanted to show but I was always too afraid to. The way that he holds me it's as if he never wants to let me go. The rhythm he is going as we are connected like magnets is comforting, as if I should not think about anything but this moment. This perfect moment of love, where neither one of us wants to let go. I bring myself up to rest my forehead against his, wanting more connections, more touching, more Freddie. I look at him through the darkness in the room, the only light coming from the windows.

I try to make eye contact, searching for his brown eyes. It doesn't take no more than a few seconds to see that he is staring straight at me, with his loving gaze. I hold back tears as I realize this moment, this point in time, will be the last time that I ever see them this close. That as I press my lips against his, it will be the last time I will ever feel them. As I touch every part of his body, I will never feel as close to anyone's as I did with his.

* * *

I wrap my right arm across the small of her back and bring her closer as I felt myself rising higher and higher with passion. As I did, I felt Sam underneath me began to shake like she did as she was ready to climax. She gripped onto me tighter than she did all night and I prepared myself. Her panting grew heavier as did my own, and I felt her walls closing around me, causing me to reach my breaking point.

We both come down from our highs in minutes and lie together, as Sam brings her arm across my chest, but her head turned away from me.

"You know I meant it when I said I love you back right?" she said through her locks of hair sticking to her face.

"Of course I did, just like I meant it Sam," I said. I reached around and brought her gaze to mine, removing strands of hair from her face. Her eyes were red and puffy. "Why are you crying?"

* * *

I turned away when he asked me that, brushing off remaining tears on the pillows.

"Just out of happiness," I said, "Because you love me, and you aren't ashamed of it."

"Why would I be?"

"It doesn't matter anymore. Nothing that I have done or will do will matter will it?" I asked.

"What are you planning to do?" I turned to face him, trying my hardest not to cry.

"Leaving you here in the morning," I confessed, pushing myself away from him, though it pained me to do so, "I can't stay here Freddie. I love you but I can't keep dragging you down, when you have so many things to do with your life-"

"And I want you there to do them with me," he said.

"You shouldn't want to. You should want someone with a prettier face, a prettier personality-"

"I want to do them with someone that I love, and that makes me crazy just the way she is. That's always been you Sam," he said, "I have never wanted to be with any girl the way that I want to be with you," he got up and I stared how bare he was in front me, just like I was in front of him.

"Why me? Why not Annabelle or anyone else in this life? I bet there are hundreds and thousands of women out there willing to marry you and you want broken goods?" I asked, "I left you for another man even though I knew you would come back, I drove you crazy all summer because I was seeing Jesse. I cheated on him with you and I made you believe that I didn't love you anymore by dating him. Why do you wanna be with someone that is making your world a living hell?"

"You aren't making my world a living hell," he came closer, "But you will if you leave." I stood still, waiting on him to come closer. He turned on the light, exposing ourselves to each other, no longer able to hide in the dark. "If you leave me Sam, I'll chase after you. Wherever you go, I'll go looking for you. I'll go wherever I need to go to find you, because I don't ever want to be away from you anymore. You are broken goods to anyone else out there in the world, and yeah, you broke my heart when you started dating Jesse." I bit my lip, "But if there was one thing that I learned while I was away from you, was that you're not broken to me. You are beautiful and I love you too much to let you go."

Tears were falling down my face as he declared that he loved me. I was no longer trying to hold them in. He came closer to me and it was what I needed: for him to tell me once again that he loved me. That he wasn't going to change me for someone else. That I wasn't broken to him. And he gave me all that and more as he covered me with his being and brought my lips to his, showing his need as well as his desire for me.

"I love you Sam," he said.

"I love you Freddie," I answered, the thoughts of leaving him gone from my mind as we tumbled back into bed. From that point as we touched the bed, I made it my mission to not leave it, unless we were going to leave it together.

* * *

A/N: You know how much I love reviews? Enough to beg for them? Yeah, around that much, so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I will love you people so much for your reviews, just like I always do! :)

And hopefully the epilogue will be up by tomorrow so I can officially work on another M-rated fic. (Anyone here a seddie lover who is also a Finchel lover?)

Much love,

Kit Kat Bar (aka Whisperedlove 13)


	22. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**Three years later**

Freddie felt light touch his face as he was laying his head on the cotton pillow. He turned around, trying to go back to sleep until he heard the alarm on his dresser go off, it's annoying voice like a nuclear warning.

"If you don't shut that shit off I will," he heard a voice beside him. He smiled as he got up and slammed the alarm off, yawning as he felt an itch in the back of his head.

"Morning to you too," he said behind him. He pulled the custard sheets off him and walked to the bathroom, ready to prep himself for another day. He pulled out the shaving cream, a razor that his mom bought for him last Christmas and began shaving. He brought it up the side of his cheeks, chin, and nose, careful in every angle as he cleaned it in the cold running water. He jumped in the shower after, lathering every inch of his body in dove moisturizing soap for men.

He heard a light tap on the window of the shower door.

"Mind if I join you?"

"I'm going to be late again, Sam," he said.

"Come on Freddie, they love you," she said, reminding him of his good work ethic as she climbed inside, "besides you need someone to help you wash your back. Hygiene is important." she winked. He smiled at her excuse and brought her body close to his, feeling her wet skin on his own. He kissed the side of her neck like a vampire and she groaned faithfully. She brought her lips up to his, wrapped her arms around him and playfully started rubbing his back with her pink loofa.

"I told you I was gonna run late to work," he said, kissing her lips softly. She gave him a bit of a pout, making him hunger for her more. He could skip breakfast he supposed. He had to stop thinking with _that _head. He turned around asking her to wash his back for him, to which she obliged and did without harming him, much to his surprise.

"There, all clean," she said, "Now get out so I can finish showering."

"You don't want me to help you wash?" he said reaching for her waist.

"You'll be late," she said.

Agreeing with her, he jumped out of the shower, grabbed the purple towel he placed by the sink and wrapped it around his waist.

"You need a towel?" he yelled to Sam.

"Just leave it for me by the sink," she said, "I still need to shampoo."

He walked towards his dresser and grabbed a towel for Sam as he pulled out socks, boxers, and a white wife beater. As soon as he changed, he walked to his little closet pulling out his blue suit. He finished buttoning it when Sam walked out of the bathroom, her hair in the towel and her body wet and naked.

"I gave you the towel to wrap around your body not your hair," he said, not looking back at her for fear of getting turned on. It was almost 9.

"I figured you could use a round before you leave," she smiled, pulling off the towel and laying on the bed, naked and willing. He hated when she teased him this way.

"I'm going to be late," he emphasized the last word, not really caring by this point.

"Call today off," she said, crawling towards him on all fours on the bed, her eyes covered by tendrils of damp blonde hair.

"I can't," he said, looking for a tie, not keeping his eyes off her intense blue. "We're leaving for Seattle today and I need to go over things with Jason." He turned and started fumbling in the drawers and felt Sam walk towards him. She grabbed a blue tie from the drawer, pulled it around his neck and fastened it quickly.

"I forgot about Jason. He's taking over your position for a bit huh?" He nodded. "I guess I'll have to jump you when you get home tonight," she said, tying the towel across her body, walking back towards the bathroom. Freddie didn't have to look in the mirror to know that he had a look of guilt on his face.

"Sam?"

"Go, you don't want to be late," she said, "I'm going down to Kitchen Time to see how the prospects are looking for this quarter before I leave."

"You mean you are going to buy ham, right?" he said.

"You know me too well, gotta stock up so I have some ham for the plane ride," she said, drying her hair with another towel.

He walked to the bathroom, seeing her through the mirror as she prepared to dry her hair. He walked closer still and reached for her hand.

"It's going to be great to go visit home this weekend, Spencer said Carly is going to throw Susie a birthday party there instead of New York," She turned around to look at me.

"I already knew that," she said, "she told me when she and Griffin came to visit from New York. Now go, before I jump and ravage you, making you miss work."

"I love you," he smiled, she flashed a smile at him, got up and brought her lips to his.

"I love you too," she said, walking him towards the door, giving him one more kiss before he left. "Don't forget," she called out to him, "You owe me shower sex!" and shut the door.

* * *

The plane towards Seattle landed quickly, and the ride to the Shay's old apartment was even quicker. Sam held onto Freddie's hand as they walked into the Bushwell Plaza's main lobby, waving to Lewbert, who was never happy to see anyone.

"I thought you people died. I hardly see you anymore," he said.

"We moved. Away from you," said Sam, making Freddie pull his signature side smirk.

"Yeah, well I'm glad for that. No more bugging me all the time," Lewbert said, "But, it is great to see you two here together like the old times," he admitted.

"Yeah, well, we're gonna go before you get all sentimental on us," Sam said, grabbing onto Freddie as they walked up to the elevators.

"You ready to see Susie Q?" Freddie asked Sam. She smiled.

"Mama's always ready to see that cutie."

They walked up to apartment 8-C and Freddie opened the door to reveal ribbons, streamers, and a long-time-no-see family.

"Look who's here Susie!" Carly cried out. Sam lit up as and saw little Susie Q in her pink polka dot dress walking/running towards her and Freddie. He picked her up and threw her in the air, and she didn't hesitate to plant a million kisses all over her as if she would eat her up like a savory smoked ham.

"Sam and Freddie!" she cried, still smiling from ear to ear. Sam and Freddie, Susie in his arms, walked inside to greet all of their old friends: Carly and Griffin, Gibby and Tasha, Mrs. Benson, Spencer and his wife Jenny, T-Bo, Socko and Burnie, and a few other cousins they didn't know about. Even Melanie and her baby boy Kyle. It was a full house. Carly walked up to them, giving each one of them a deep hug.

"Freddie did you bring it?" Carly asked him. Sam took Susie from his arms as Freddie rummaged through a bag he brought with him so they could stay a few extra days. He pulled out a DVD, with the label, "For Susie Q's second birthday."

We all sat or stood around the television as Freddie popped in the DVD. As it began, they could hear Freddie in the background count off like he did all the iCarly shows, "In five, four, three, two…"

"I'm Carly," a mature looking Carly came onto the screen.

"And I'm Sam," the blonde waves crowded the camera.

"And we used to do a web show called iCarly!"

"With cactus…"

"And peanut butter…"

"Us dressed up as an idiot farm girl and a cowboy…"

"And of course…" the camera moved away from them to focus on another character much needed to the old iCarly show.

"Gibbehhhh!" Gibby said, flexing back and forth.

"Now, can you let the people watching why we are recording this Carls?"

"I sure can Sam, because it is my special little girl's birthday today!" Sam pushed a button on her blue remote and applause was heard in the background. And on it went, laughter filling the room and Susie Q left pondering why her mother was acting like that on the screen, or why Sam had on a blonde mustache.

When it was over everyone applauded as Carly, Sam holding Susie Q, Freddie and Gibby stood in front of the television and each took a bow. As they were done bowing, everyone was leaving to cut the cake and be served lemonade, until Freddie grabbed onto Sam's hand.

"Hold on," he said, "I want to ask you something," he said. Carly came and grabbed Susie Q from Sam's hands and shuffled back into the front of the group as Melanie scooped Kyle into her arms, ready to devour the strawberry cake.

"What is it?" she said.

"Let's go up to the fire escape, I want to ask you something," he said. Sam gave him a quizzical look but went up with him anyways, wondering what he needed to ask her that he hasn't before. They reached the fire escape after letting Carly know they would be gone for a few minutes, so she could delay the cutting of the cake. Sam slipped one leg in and then the other and looked down into the street, just like she did back in Massachusetts. But instead of feeling sadness, she felt blissful. They were back at the place where everything started; the emotions, the sentiment, the loss of their innocence, their first kiss. Freddie came in behind her and looked down with her, his hand on her back, rubbing it in comfort. He took in a deep breath and let it out.

"I want you to know that you cause me emotional and physical damage," he began, catching Sam off guard, "I am pretty sure everyone down there knows that you have a left hook that can take down a line backer. The fact that you keep your figure even though you devour eight pounds of ham a day is a mystery to modern science. And your fascination with shower sex has left me drained every time you want to try it, because I always have to carry you. You constantly wanted me to wonder where we are going to be five years down the road. Whether I want to jump out my window or sit back and see what else is in store for us."

"What is your point Fredward?" she said, getting a bit annoyed. Freddie chuckled.

"In light of all that, Sam, you have been nothing but amazing to me. I have always expected you to just leave one of these years telling me that you would rather live in Seattle than be with me in Massachusetts." She gave a look of disbelief. "But you didn't. And for that I love you more than I ever did. And I thought we should start from the beginning. Here, in this fire escape, was the first time I said I love you to you."

"As I recall it, you said that you hated me," Sam said.

"And you believed me? You thought that I hated you?" he asked her. She shook her head.

"What happened that night just confirmed my feelings for you. That I love you just like I do right now, pretending that I didn't just hear all that negative stuff about me," she said.

"But that's what makes me love you more and more," he said, "Your flaws keep me loving you everyday, just like I hope mine do for you."

"You know they do." He smiled as he bent down.

"I'm not good with this romantic stuff and I know that you would rather I buy you a ham with the words 'will you marry me' written on it," he pulled out a tiny velvet box, "But in light of traditions, like my dad proposed to my mom, I wanted to do this right." He began opening it. "Will you-"

"I am going to stop you right there," Sam interrupted him, "The fact that you thought I would rather like this romantic crap than to have you buy me a ham that said 'will you marry me,' is so…" she sighed, then gave a laugh, "freaking cute Benson. And I honestly have to say, I never saw you being this romantic with me. But in all honesty," she smiled at him, "I think I can get used to it." She bent down towards him and kissed him gently, then slowly making it more sensual and dominating.

"Sam?" Freddie whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you now?" he said.

"Oh yeah," she giggled playfully, standing up like she was while Freddie was still on bended knee.

"Sam Puckett, will you marry me?" Freddie said. Sam shrugged.

"Do you really think that I am going to be the best that has ever happened to you?"

"You are." He said, reassuring her.

"Then once I put this ring on, you're mine til death do us part or I kill you due to lack of ham. One way or another."

"I am aware of the consequences and the result of those chances and I still want to marry you."

"Then," she extended her hand to let Freddie slide on the ring, "I do."

He rose up and kissed Sam eagerly, as she jumped up and down like a child. He smiled and jumped over into the apartment complex, extending his hand out in a gentlemanly fashion, and Sam took it gracefully. When she crossed the threshold into the window she ran down towards the Shay's apartment yelling to everyone, "MAMA'S GETTING MARRIED!" He could hear from all the way by the fire escape the cheering and congratulations they were giving her, and once he arrived, everyone was applauding him and giving him pats on the back while Sam waited by the desktop, her hands behind her back, her cheeks flaming in embarrassment.

"Why are you so red?" he said, grabbing her hand to show off the ring. Sam playfully swatted his arms as she let out a delicious giggle, making Freddie's ears turn red. Now he understood why she was embarrassed, seeing everyone whoop and clap happily.

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" Everyone clamored, pressuring the newly engaged couple to bring their faces together to show off an intimate moment. She brought her hands up to his shoulders as he placed his firmly on her waist and brought her body close. They closed their eyes in delight, and shared their first kiss in front of everyone. Sam tried breaking away from further embarrassment, but Freddie pulled her closer, making her bring her arms around his upper body, and twirled her around like a doll.

"Who wants cake?" Carly said, breaking the adorableness between her two best friends, to which Sam and Freddie didn't mind. This was her daughter's party after all. Everyone started shuffling towards the kitchen to see Susie Q blow out her two candles, while Freddie and Sam looked from where they were standing. After singing happy birthday and blowing the candles out, Carly and Griffin passed out the cake, handing one piece to everyone. Sam began eating it as soon as she was given her piece and Freddie laughed.

"What's so funny Benson?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing," he said, playing with the cake before taking a bite "Just wondering…"

"About what?"

"…If our kid will have my eating habits or yours," he said. She finished the last bit of her cake and stuck her fork into his.

"Maybe yours, maybe mine. Maybe one will have mine and the other that come along will have yours," she smiled as she wiped some frosting from the fork onto Freddie's nose, "Who knows?"

"I know I wanna get started as soon as possible," he whispered to her.

"You don't have to tell mama twice Benson," she countered, her mischievous look on her face that he loved so much. They both knew what they were doing that night.

* * *

A/N: Well here is the epilogue, ending it on a very sweet note, just because I am in a very lovey dovey mood. Hope you guys loved the story and until next time. :)


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